To think these comments are not acceptable and age is no excuse?

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

Mentioned to pil that ds (5) has started a drama and dance class. He adores it. Sharp intake of breath from mil.
Me: what's wrong
Mil: sue sent her son to dance class when he was small and now he's...
Me: what?
Mil: Gay! She even took him to the dr's when he was 10 but he's still gay but I always thought it was her fault for taking him to dance in the first place.
Me: I don't think going to dance as a child affects someone's sexuality.
Mil: well it can't help can it? You should do football or rugby with him or something.
Me: well why would it matter if he was gay?
Mil (looking outraged): he won't be gay! No grandchild of ours will be gay.

Mil is 70 and FIL is 72. Is this just 'of their time'? They are very racist too actually. I don't think age should be used as an excuse tbh, I guess if someone is in their 90s then it might be harder to change their viewpoint but pil are generally reasonably young in their ways.

YANBU, obviously they're not acceptable.

I'd tell her her grandchildren will be what and whoever they are and want to be, and if she can't support that then she needn't see them.

Elephants, I'm curious; what do you think of your parents' attitudes? Do you think 'Guardian readers and London based politicians' tell people what to think and what words to use?

As previous posters have said it is quite insulting to older people to suggest it's an age thing. They haven't been cocooned for the last 30 odd years. It's similar to when people say their DM/DMIL suggest starting solids earlier/sleeping babies on their fronts etc because that was what they did. My mum is nearly 60 and did those things but she understands that things change and she would never suggest it to me. She gets quite indignant when she reads threads on here that excuse these things with "well that's what they did in their day". Well so what if that's what they did?

Age is no excuse.

Have you told you MIL that maybe the real problem is all these straight couples having gay babies ?

The temptation to dress your DS in a pink and sequin tutu for your next Sunday lunch with MIL must be overwhelming

and at elephants post.

anti white politically correct Guardian readers and London-based politicians ? . .

Sorry to be the one to tell you, but some "non-white" I think you mean brown people were actually born here. Some of them legitimately refer to themselves as British

Would you find the thoughts and words of politicians more palatable if we moved Parliament out of London?

what the hell has that sentence got to do with the OP's DS taking up
potentially gay tendencies inducing dance and drama classes?

My.Good.God

Back

See your point of course so really it's amazing so many older people have discarded those prejudices.

Good on them.

I've had comments similar to this when I was sending my DS to dance and drama - my response is "well I'd rather be gay than go in the army"

I like the fact that the mum "took him to the doctors and he's still gay" it sounds although his mum has reinforced to your PIL that her son was turned gay. I'm sure that there are plenty of fantastic dancers that you could cite to her that are not gay to show her that her rule does not work.

I'd also tell her on no uncertain terms never to mention this infront of DS. I'm sure if he came out when he's old and MIL said "I told your mother that sending you to dance class would make you Gay" - he would laugh in her face.

Age can be a crappy reason, but it's not an excuse. My dearly loved DGMil died earlier this year at the grand old age of 100. She had spent her last few years in a care home being looking after by a variety of lovely people. Her favourite was...gasp... male, black and gay. She adored him and he her. She saw people as people, nice or mean (mainly nice).

However her daughter, my MIL (64), seems to think it is ok to make jokes when I go into East London to not go out after dark in case I bump into the people living there. Funny isn't it? You see, many of them are black! And therefore you can't spot them in the dark! I have no idea where she gets this shit from.

FIL (66) doesn't like Gays. Oh he tolerates them if he has to, but John Barrowman particularly offended him when he said he had got married. He bellowed about it not being a marriage for a while until DH asked why not? "Well because marriage is for children isn't it?" He was then reminded sharply that DH and I don't have children (we'd just had a failed IVF) and did this mean our marriage was not proper? That shut him up, the stupid twat.

Age has nothing to do with it. Any decent older person would have educated themselves long ago that this kind of shit isn't acceptable.

Sorry, not read whole thread (being interrupted by active child) but age has no bearing.
My lovely late Dad passed away a few years back, in his 80's. He has never had any issue with someone's race or sexuality, despite coming from a traditional, working-class, narrow-minded, white background.

But a lot of this is not because they are homophobic or racist it's that they are Anti white politically correct Guardian readers and London based politicians telling them what to think and what words to use!

Elephant what an clever and enlightened thing to write! You parents sound like champions of free thought! Because obviously the only people who are against racism are bleeding heart liberal middle class brainwashed lentil weaving Guardian readers. All the other people who tell it like it is are just refusing to be told what to do.

I have heard of a couple of teenagers who are homophobic dd told me one lad was targetted in her year for being a poof and too gay so ignorance is still amongst our young people. Who we would think know better

Homophobia is alive and kicking in all age groups/generations. There are still stories of teenagers committing suicide after being bullied over their sexuality. So terribly sad.

It boils down to education and intelligence, I think. People are suspicious of what they don't understand, which simply exposes their ignorance.

A friend told me that an elderly woman (I won't call her a lady) was in the hairdressers at the same time as her, and when a lovely polite young man came to wash the woman's hair she asked the owner if said young man was gay. As a matter of fact, yes, was the response. She then demanded that she have her hair washed and styled by someone else!
Her attitude was disgusting, but more depressing still was that the salon acquiesced to her demands, rather than support their employee/ colleague - and common decency - by turfing her out.

:o

Stupid old cow. How undermined that more man must have felt

Fuck. That should have been a shocked face. Sorry

My mil says 'coloured' as though it is a dirty word. Frequently.

I'm rather brown, as is my DD. And very English.

sips tea and masters side eye glances

Oh, and my little bro was dressed up as a girl by his sisters for years. Make up, nail varnish, forced to sing Whitney songs...

Still straight:

We once dressed up my little cousin in a bridesmaid dress. Pink. He was four and loved it.

He's now designs F1 cars and breaks female hearts. See if that will reassure her the stupid woman.

I just bellylaughed out loud at "forced to sing Whitney songs"!

My MIL says "coloureds" in a sort of exaggerated whisper, while using her finger to make a circle around her face. Makes me want to scream and scream, makes the hairs on my back bristle.

She also refers to the corner shop as, yup, you guessed it, the p*ki shop. Even though the owner is white British.

The other day while talking about an Egyptian cleric who had been deported, she proclaimed something along the lines of "Well that's a relief, but what about his wife and children? They should be sent back as well. Send them all back. Bloody Muslims, what are they doing here anyway, send them all back to where they came from"

She failed to see that I am half Egyptian, and therefore her own grandson is a quarter Egyptian.

My best friends little boy (11) is also into dance and drama, and admittedly is a little camp, but whenever she meets him she gives me this look as if to say "good Lord" and then when they leave she goes into one about how he is gay and isn't that queer, the poor child" etc etc etc etc etc etc etc

Its never said in a very malicious way, but its racist and homophobic nonetheless. My DS is too young to pick up on it yet, but I will definitely be pulling her up about it soon. Not having that kind of language around my son, thank you very much. My DP is constantly pulling her up about it but to no avail.

She is in her mid 70s...yes they have a different way of thinking...no it doesn't excuse it.

I said it once - and I'll say it again.

Boys who dance DO NOT DRESS UP IN FRILLY PINK TUTU DRESSES!!!!!!!!

It's odd what people decide they are going to be against.

I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s. Ppl were homophobic like you wouldn't believe, it was always good for an easy laugh in any comedy programme. Extra points for cross-dressing, obviously; Dick Emery made a whole career out of walking up and down in a dress going "Oooh you are awful- but I like you"- literally- that was the whole punchline, there was nothing else to the sketch apart from the hilarious idea that a cross-dressing man might fancy a straight man.

And yet at the same time ppl were sleeping with teenagers and drink driving and all this was seen as normal bloke behaviour. And groping at work, and "office affairs" aka adultery with extra harassment on top.

My dad expressed the fear that DS would turn out gay once, when he was a baby. "Never mind", I said sweetly, "it shouldn't concern you, as you'll be dead by then". He hasn't raised the subject again, funnily enough.

(disclaimer: I have a lot of ishoos with "D" Dad, and have only learned to stand up to him in the last few years).

@ stubborn's way to handle the grumpy elderly.

its no excuse, and many of their generation are like that. rant away if you like but there is very little you can do about it!

I am far more concerned when I hear this with the younger generation, like my 37 friend who was scared to take her kids to a gay wedding ( I mean what did she expect!!)

your MIL will pop her clogs fairly soon

Haha stubborn. Ace response.