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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think these comments are not acceptable and age is no excuse?

121 replies

Sleepswithbutterflies · 29/09/2014 20:52

Mentioned to pil that ds (5) has started a drama and dance class. He adores it. Sharp intake of breath from mil.
Me: what's wrong
Mil: sue sent her son to dance class when he was small and now he's...
Me: what?
Mil: Gay! She even took him to the dr's when he was 10 but he's still gay but I always thought it was her fault for taking him to dance in the first place.
Me: I don't think going to dance as a child affects someone's sexuality.
Mil: well it can't help can it? You should do football or rugby with him or something.
Me: well why would it matter if he was gay?
Mil (looking outraged): he won't be gay! No grandchild of ours will be gay.

Mil is 70 and FIL is 72. Is this just 'of their time'? They are very racist too actually. I don't think age should be used as an excuse tbh, I guess if someone is in their 90s then it might be harder to change their viewpoint but pil are generally reasonably young in their ways.

OP posts:

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 01/10/2014 15:29

Quite a few homophobes in the family. This month they'll be meeting one of DD's godfathers - my best friend, who is gay and doesn't hide it. Woe betide them if they say anything! (Al though I'm sure they'll have something to say about it)

grimbletart · 01/10/2014 15:31

I'm in my 70s and am getting er and er at this thread.
I don't hold any of the views ascribed by some of this thread to my age and nor do my similarly aged circle.

What is glaringly obvious to me however is the amount of ageism on threads where views are randomly ascribed to older people. Apparently racism is bad, homophobia is bad (and quite right too) but ageism is absolutely fine.

Fuck off ageists.

Gruntfuttock · 01/10/2014 15:41

As a PP said, it's not age, it's stupidity. My mother is 94 yrs old, and I know for a fact that she would never think, let alone say, anything racist or homophobic. That's because she's not stupid. I'm 60 btw and find your IL's views abhorrent.

Beastofburden · 01/10/2014 15:43

Be fair, grimble a lot of ppl have said that this is not about their age. In fact that is what the thread title said. Many ppl are saying they know older ppl who don't behave like this and younger ppl who do.

Ppl are sharing anecdotes which, depressingly enough, are true stories.

grimbletart · 01/10/2014 15:47

I know Beast. I did same 'some' . Just gets me cross. Anyone making homophobic comments (for example) would be bounced off a thread for breaking talk guidelines but anything goes where age is concerned. Not just this thread.

Gruntfuttock · 01/10/2014 15:48

Littledidsheknow that's appalling. As you say, the stupid nasty woman should have immediately been told to leave and banned from returning.

Beastofburden · 01/10/2014 15:53

That is a point worth making to MNHQ because I agree that being rude about the elderly - mainly MILs- is pretty common on MN

Original poster

Sleepswithbutterflies · 01/10/2014 16:21

I only mentioned age at all because I have seen threads on here - sorry Grimble - where people say something that their parents or inlaws have said and posters say "oh it's because they're a different generation."
Ive never thought it a good "excuse" or that all people are the same whatever their age.
My gran is in her 90s and is way more liberal than my inlaws even though they are 20 years her junior.

OP posts:

MrsPiggie · 01/10/2014 17:22

I actually found this hilarious... sorry OP, just couldn't stop laughing... he's going to become gay because he goes to dancing... Your MIL's homophobia is nothing to do with age, she's just plain stupid.

Original poster

Sleepswithbutterflies · 01/10/2014 17:25

No the best bit was :
She took him to the dr's but he's STILL gay.
That made me laugh quite a lot.

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 01/10/2014 17:37

Anyone over about 55 is old and therefore fair game for many mumsnetters. I find it profoundly depressing.

Andrewofgg · 01/10/2014 18:39

I'm 62, Hakluyt, and I don't let it get to me!

ithoughtofitfirst · 01/10/2014 18:48

Granny high 5?

Beastofburden · 01/10/2014 19:52

I agree about going to the doctors but he's still gay.

What was she doing taking him to the doctors in the first place?. Is she as stupid and homophobic as MIL? If so, how old is she? Fairness demands that we are told.

Original poster

Sleepswithbutterflies · 01/10/2014 19:55

She's younger than mil - about 40? Not sure, never met her. But her parents are the ones who are friends with pil so she must be younger than them. Late 40s I reckon. Her son is 20ish now. And still gay. Very gay apparently. Not a bit gay. No no. Very gay.

OP posts:

SconeRhymesWithGone · 01/10/2014 20:08

And the glaring generalizations about what the times were like when this generation was young, as though it was the Eighteenth Century or something. People of the generation to which the OP refers came to political maturity during the 60s. Many people of that generation who are now in their 70s led movements for civil rights, women's liberation, and gay rights.

DanyStormborn · 01/10/2014 20:10

My Gran is 86 and has no problem with gay people. She wouldn't care is a great-grandchild of hers was gay. Age is not an excuse, times have been changing for a while.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 01/10/2014 20:29

That is a point worth making to MNHQ because I agree that being rude about the elderly - mainly MILs- is pretty common on MN

MNHQ has ageism as one of the reportable offenses. I have reported what I thought were some pretty ageist posts (I haven't reported anything on this thread), but they were allowed to stand.

SquirrelSwarm · 01/10/2014 20:43

My mum is pushing 80 and my MIL 85. Neither would dream of saying this! When my dear grandfather asked me, in the 70s, if we talked to the coloured girls at school I was aghast. He was born in 1900 but his view was still outrageous. My grandma, born a year later, was cross with him and told him not to speak like that.
I don't worry about older people saying coloured. It was the polite term when they were younger.

SquirrelSwarm · 01/10/2014 20:45

You are right OP, this was the best bit
She took him to the dr's but he's STILL gay.

Zara8 · 01/10/2014 22:02

My ILs (late 60s) can make some off comments re gay people, my toddler DS having a doll's pram etc but they are improving as they see society change.

When they once made a comment about DS turning out to be gay I said I thought it would be brilliant. It would mean no DIL for me they laughed a bit too hard at that joke for my liking....

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