To feel sad to not inherit anything from my f?

[queenceleste]

I don't want to identify myself but to put it simply, my f remarried a few times and always said when that he died that he and his wife would leave everything to each other. When the second one died, they would split their estate between their respective children.

He died first, she died next, very sad and painful for all the children. She died at the beginning of the year in another country and we have heard nothing about her (once their) will and who the executors are and who benefits.

I assume that means we are no longer beneficiaries. That is her prerogative of course but it does feel sad to be left out.

I can't go into details but there is enough left for it to matter, it's not like there's nothing left.

I would like to just let it go and move on but part of me thinks, they agreed equality and then she changed it to just mean her children.

A friend of mine once told me that this almost always happens, that the step parent redirects property to her own children. That is her right of course but it does feel harsh if you're one of the ones left out.

I'm interested in hearing what other people's experiences have been in this area of step families and wills. I wish them all well, I'm only feeling a bit sad about it.

Yanbu.

That's terribly grabby of the wife.

Am not in exactly the same position but the 'benefits' of my father's death have most likely been frittered by my stepfather, who was not taught to save or budget. So I am unlikely to inherit it in the end.

I personally feel that it's just stuff anyway. Whilst it's nice to inherit I've seen too many examples of relationships being thoroughly soured by inheritance wrangles. It's given me the perspective that life is far too short to waste on feeling bad about possessions.

YANBU at all

Then he should have mentioned you in his will. Simple

I haven't been in this situation but would imagine it feels a bit like a last link to your dad?

Is there anyone you can ask? Do you know the executors or solicitors?

I think YANBU at all and it's really sad where it's happens. Parents who marry again are bloody fools not to leave something to their children in their will and just rely on the goodwill of the unrelated step parent.

YANBU. Your DF made it clear what his wishes were. Either he changed his mind without telling you, which is understandably upsetting, or his wife didn't uphold his wishes, which is not only upsetting but morally questionable.

I doubt there is a thing you could do about it though. What do your siblings think?

Thanks, I really am interested to hear other people's experiences. Being a step child has its unique challenges. I loved my sm very much but she was always ferociously adoring of her own kids. I just think if a couple agree that the assets of the marriage should be shared then that should be honoured. But of course I am not talking about my rights, I am only talking about what my f said to me.

Of course he may have changed his mind, people have the right to do what they like with their money.

well we're not really talking about it.

I think we must be all assuming that there is nada for us and it does feel a bit like, 'if he'd loved us he would have marked us out in some way as equal'. But that isn't necessarily true.
Also I don't want to be bitter, I have to be positive, bitterness is horrible about such things.

Why dont you get a copy of the will? Then you will know for sure if you inherited or not and then can put it behind you.

Yes, it does make you feel sad. Or hugely embittered in my DB's case. He finds it very hard to let go. We're all struggling financially to one degree or another, but it's really not just about the money. Even keepsakes that belonged to our late mother have been passed on as trinkets to our stepmother's own grandchildren, in blatant disregard of our comically modest requests. Our stepmother is still living, so I guess only time will tell whether she alters her will, but realistically we don't expect anything if she couldn't even bring herself to hand over a few cheap ornaments that belonged to our childhood.

I agree about trying to see a copy of the will. It must be hard to move on if you don't know what happened to your DF's money.

YANBU, but it was his job to make provision in his will for his children if he meant for them to have any assets. He was foolish.

Well of course it depends on where she died. If it was in France or Spain for example then those countries have "forced heirship" rules which mean that her children would legally benefit in priority to you regardless of the wording of any will. Had your father died second then the situation would have been reversed. Cross-border succession and tax planning is a fairly complex area so unless they took specialist advice you may find that you are entitled to very little. How close were you to your step-mother ? Did you go to her funeral ? Are you in touch with your step-siblings ? I would make advances and ask whether it's possible to have any personal items of your Dad's such a jewellery or photos which may have no value to them but great sentimental value to you. From there it's much easier to ask questions about a will without appearing too grabby. If the country is Spain then there is a national will register so you could ask a Spanish lawyer to investigate for you and take it from there.

Sorry, have only just seen your post that says step-mother is still living. How do you know that your Dad hasn't made provision for you in that case ? It could be that he has left step-mother a life interest in his estate which reverts to you on her death. Fairly standard succession planning for second marriages.

When did you DF die OP?

My brother is unhappy with our situation

Dad and wife are still alive, if he dies first she keeps all the money (which is obviously fine) and when she dies if there is anything left it will be split between her two children and me and my brother. And vice versa

It's just that after a few years both parties would be perfectly at liberty to change their wills to leave all the money to their own children

Sorry,

So I don't think YABU

My grandparents had what was called a mirror will (I think) which prevented the widowed partner from changing their will. My Mums business failed (not entirely her own fault) and she was not in the will as her parents had given her a start up loan instead, my Grandmother could not write her back in. When she passed, my aunt and uncle had to split everything 3 ways to include my Mum manually so to speak! So it is possible to prevent a spouse from changing the will but I don't think its common. I am sorry that you have been cut out OP, that is really harsh

My DF died when I was a child. We were left very little. There was no property or money and of course that mattered zilch to me as a small child. All I wanted was his record collection and brass ornaments. I was able to get back some of those items after my grandmothers death but I had to ask my aunts permission to take them. One Aunt didnt want me to have them as she had promised them to her son but others spoke up for me and I managed to get one ornament and a lock of Dads hair.

Yanbu

YANBU its sad that your dad trusted her and she has potentially gone against his wishes. Sorry OP

This is going to happen to me one day. My father is married to a younger woman with children of her own. They have a will splitting what they own equally among the children, but I know she will change it when he dies.

so YANBU, it is very sad and not because of the money.

this is exactly the situation my Mum wanted to avoid - her half of the house is now held in trust for me and my db.

DF did try to get us to end the trust but we've held firm and we're glad we did now as he seems to have acquired quite an expensive girlfriend...