To feel sad to not inherit anything from my f?

[queenceleste]

I don't want to identify myself but to put it simply, my f remarried a few times and always said when that he died that he and his wife would leave everything to each other. When the second one died, they would split their estate between their respective children.

He died first, she died next, very sad and painful for all the children. She died at the beginning of the year in another country and we have heard nothing about her (once their) will and who the executors are and who benefits.

I assume that means we are no longer beneficiaries. That is her prerogative of course but it does feel sad to be left out.

I can't go into details but there is enough left for it to matter, it's not like there's nothing left.

I would like to just let it go and move on but part of me thinks, they agreed equality and then she changed it to just mean her children.

A friend of mine once told me that this almost always happens, that the step parent redirects property to her own children. That is her right of course but it does feel harsh if you're one of the ones left out.

I'm interested in hearing what other people's experiences have been in this area of step families and wills. I wish them all well, I'm only feeling a bit sad about it.

Where were they living, OP? Some countries have different rules, and automatic inheritance laws can override a will. I know that (eg) in France, my dad had to have a clause in the sale of his home for his (now deceased) partner to have any chance of inheriting. If it were not for this clause, my DB and I would have got the house, regardless of any will, if he had died before her.

Sorry, I mean in the purchase of his home, not the sale.

No YANBU to be sad but Y would be U to expect anything.

Sadly people do not tend to talk about death and what happens after that because we do not like to think about it but it does lead to much misery when the inevitable happens.

Not quite the same situation but my parents gave me the family land, house, other properties and associated and businesses a few years back. At that point DW and I had no DC's so we all sat down and had some very honest conversations about what happens in the event of my death / divorce etc and all the legal stuff was done to make sure the whole lot (bar about 500k) went back to my parents.

Now we have 2 DC's, shortly after they were born the whole thing was done again so that it is all held in trust for them in the event of my death. In the event of divorce DW can't get anything because although it's mine - it's not actually directly mine if that makes sense as it's held in a trust of which I am sole trustee... sort of (which also gets round inheritance tax). Complicated to get head round but I did have it explained to me and it made sense at the time.

Anyway... I digress... folks, talk about death and what happens to your stuff! Bury your heads in the sand and you risk leaving heartbreak and feuding loved ones when you go, and I'm sure on one wants that!

Doesn't always happen. My father died a couple of years ago and AFAIK my Mum's will still leaves the agreed amount to his daughter from his first marriage.

Posh, op says she died next on her op.

Alpaca, that is fine unless the surviving spouse remarries, then dies, new spouse inherits, money goes to his or her kids, not to yours.

We are about to change our wills as DS has a partner 20 years younger than him, who has a small daughter, not DS's. We don't want our grandchildren's inheritance ending up with them.

YANBU

My friends mother came from a very wealthy family. When she died young her husband, my friends father, inherited the lot. He remarried and left everything to his second wife, after assuring my friend that provision had been made for her in his will.

When the second wife died, she left everything to her DC (which she had before marrying friends Dad) so my friends mothers estate, worth around £3 million all went to total strangers.

It was a huge shock and she doesn't know whether her father lied or something strange/untoward happened with the wills.

I expect it happens often to be honest.

I do understand because I am in the same boat - as is my stepsister! Everything has been left to my step sisters child - I cant fathom why.

My father, quite rightly IMHO, left his estate to his wife, my step mother. a man should provide for his wife.

However my mother did facilitate his career as women did back in the 1960's.

So upon SMs death her (SMs estate, which really is my parents money) bypasses my stepsister and goes directly to her daughter. spoiled brat Step niece will get her grandfathers house, her grand mothers house(which is really my parents money), her own mothers house, and her natural fathers estate. She also owns a house of her own.

Anyone got a 30-something son looking for a well heeled wife? 10% commission and I'll do introductions! grin

Seems to be common when men remarry.

Yanbu at all. It's riculously common and I think a lot of people must be 'turning over in their graves' to realise their children have been disinherited.

Unfortunately it is common. My dad has said he's doing the same. His reasoning is totally fair. They, as a couple, worked for it so whoever lives longer should have full benefit of that without being hampered by trusts and so on. I totally agree with him. However my instinct is that, should sm die first, he will split everything equally including her children but, should he die first (which is most likely), everything will go to her dc. There's nothing that can be done about it and it makes me sad. Not because of the money (it's likely there'll be little or nothing anyway) but because my father is a wonderful person and he would be upset if things weren't fair. Obviously only time will tell but I've resigned myself to it as best I can.

Talking about inheritance is difficult because people tend to assume it's all about the money but ime it's often more about the feeling of right and wrong.

I'm in exactly the same situation as you op, although I am in contact with my half siblings and I cannot imagine losing touch with them when my step mother dies.

But, yes, she told me that as my older brother and I from my father's first marriage are "better off", she will be leaving everything to her own three "children" (they are currently aged 31 to 36) when she dies. She's only 67 now so that could be in 25 or 30 years time, but which time I'm sure my younger half siblings will be much better off than me!

I'm the opposite. Dh was left with nothing after his divorce but a suitcase of clothes. His ex got the house, car, savings, possessions.

So my will ties everything up and will go to my children. It is up to his (remarried) ex who she leaves her house to- although I don't think she has a will do it may go to her dh.

O/p I'd get a copy of the will then at least you know what happened. I'm inclined to believe he didn't make sure his wishes were legally protected if she changed it after his death. Dh can't change mine. He could have left his share to her with the proviso that it goes to you after her death.

My father will, barring accidents, die before my 'stepmother' (they're not married). She and I are the executors of the will. I know I will therefore be instrumental in handing over my father's estate to her, at which point I fully expect her will to be altered. I'll be blunt, for me it is a bit about the money, as her children have received preferential financial treatment from the off - and it blows.

My exH has remarried. He has a stepson. He has put his life assurance policy into a trust for my three boys in the event of his death, but everything else will go to his new wife, then her DS. And the insurance policy ends in 3 years... Especially as my inheritance from my mum (and dad) was included in the divorce settlement.

Yanbu - I guess the only consolation is that your Dad probably (hopefully) thought you would get some of the money. It would be worse if you thought he had disinherited you on purpose.

I would try and get the will too but I wouldn't be very optimistic.

Another one here. Our mum made my dad promise to leave everything to their children in exchange for a no-contest divorce financially in his favour (even though he cheated on her with another woman) He agreed leaving everything to us was the right thing to do anyway, because the other woman was relatively new on the scene and had no children either and never would due to a hysterectomy. Her only relatives were her mother and a sister/nephew.

Fast forward literally two years, and he married the penniless woman (who had been living with her mother, so not homeless) that he left our mother for, and he passed away suddenly from a heart condition apparently leaving no will. Personally we think he did leave one as he was so adamant to us verbally that we'd get what he'd promised, but she "forgot" about it. Or at best deterred him from writing one upon his remarriage, or "promised" him we'd get everything once she died (yeah right). As his whole estate was under a certain amount she automatically inherited the lot as a result and she's up one fairly expensive house and all his possessions. Which will go to her nephew who never even met my dad let alone us.

That was six years ago. We saw not a penny as she got everything and wouldn't even let me in the house (we were nominally on good terms before he died) to choose something small of his to remember him by. She owns his grave site and hasn't even put up a gravestone, we have no legal rights to do so. For a man who was a very talented musician who lived by his ego, nothing could be more insulting, frankly.

It's not about the money, it wouldn't have been a life-changing amount in any case. It's the bloody principle, and we've never been able to fully get closure on his death as a result

So sad to hear all these other stories here, that our situation is not that unique

YANBU but anyone with a blended family who doesn't have a watertight will is barking tbh.

If he wanted something to be left for you he should have set up a trust. Particularly if the estate is substantial

PS - almost forgot the worst part - as he was a musician he had quite a few songs etc - the rights to those fall to his estate. She didn't even know him when he wrote those songs when we were all a family, yet she has the right to say what happens to them and collects any royalties, pennies yes, but still - wtf. Rage.

Challenge it, you have not heard anything?

Call up and email and say whats going on.

why on earth are you keeping silent and moaning on here?

go and ask questions.

there is a time limit for challanging.

So sad to hear all these other stories here, that our situation is not that unique

no its not unique and something similar happened to me, with no grave.

this is why it makes me spit with rage when people come on here asking about wills or advice etc and get shot down by the " arent you grabby bridgae"

sort everything out NOW> talk about it, talk about wills be upfront and open!

Exactly - it's a moral issue. My parents brought us up to be as moral as possible (his adultery aside..!) so it irks that his final wishes were not carried out as he wanted, although ultimately it was his fault for not formalising things.

I wish so much we'd pushed more while he was alive for formal clarification (other than verbal/email) but every time the subject came up, my dad would just say things like how his wife was concerned we were being money grabbing. That we should trust "their" word and that we were damaging our relationship with him and his new wife by implying (trust me, we worded it all as diplomatically as was humanly possible) she wouldn't do the right thing. Things were a bit prickly with her anyway so we didn't want to rock the boat, how I regret that now. But I guess, silver lining, at least he died thinking the best of her and I hadn't fallen out with him.

Sad to say, we were right as it turned out, but obviously it brings none of us any satisfaction. Including dad, who is no doubt spinning in his unmarked grave with his music and intellectual property rights over his inventions made when we were all little eventually going to somebody he didn't even know and their descendants rather than his actual children and grandchildren.

More than anything I wish wills and their contents weren't so taboo - it isn't just about the money (not at all in our case) - it is the principle. But there's always this assumption as BeyondRepair says that it is about money grabbing. It's isn't, more often than not. Definitely wasn't for us.

I agree you should challenge it - or at least do what you can to investigate. I suspect I will be in the same position when my SM goes.