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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask - if your DC go to a church school, then -

148 replies

nomdemere · 29/09/2014 09:17

if entry was based on church attendance, then how does your vicar know how often you go?

I'm not sure my vicar actually knows who I am, let alone notices me in the congregation every time.

Our CofE secondary has a points system based on frequency of attendance (monthly, fortnightly, 'most weeks', 'every week'). The vicar has to countersign I just can't see how our vicar will know which category I am in. He's not there every week himself!

How does it work where you are? I feel slightly embarrassed about actually asking him, it will sound rather pushy.

OP posts:

DaPrincessBride · 29/09/2014 10:47

We were just reminded (on the weekly order of service) that if we would be needing church support for school applications to make ourselves known to the vicar, as she can only support those she knows attends. We had to then book a time to go and see her with the forms. I know that some people were rejected as she didn't recognise them.

I 'made myself known' by offering to help out with fetes etc., delivering the newsletter, and staying for a quick coffee after church. I still do all these things btw - it didn't stop when the applications closed! But I agree - it's ridiculous, and a lot of people just stopped going when the forms were signed.

ARGHtoAHHH · 29/09/2014 10:48

What archery said

memememum · 29/09/2014 11:09

Are there other members of clergy around your Church each week? Do you get involved in various Church things? I would think that churches with a school attached must have processes in place for pooling different clergy's/volunteer's experience of a worshipper in order to make an informed statement for their school application.

monsterfaery · 29/09/2014 12:41

Our church has a register for Junior Church attendance so they use that to check how often children have attended.

BlackeyedSusan · 29/09/2014 12:45

ds usually announces his prescence.

LemonadeRayGun · 29/09/2014 13:52

Does the children's group not have a register? I would think under child protection, healthy and safety etc, they have to. So they would know if your child was there regularly by checking registers.

hiddenhome · 29/09/2014 13:57

I slip mine a £20 each week

Aeroflotgirl · 29/09/2014 14:00

In our Catholic Church, the parents present a book to the priest fir them to sign.

Doublethecuddles · 29/09/2014 14:02

System seems totally ridiculous . People shouldn't have to " find god" to get their children into a school. It's all sounds very competitive!

bedraggledmumoftwo · 29/09/2014 14:03

Ours has a register!

Whoopsadazy · 29/09/2014 14:05

The childnre's groups at my church do take registers but the vicar did not cross reference them when he was signing my child's secondary school form. However, I think they were used for primary school as the attached voluntary aided CoE school admissions are reviewed on a committee basis rather than just the vicar signing the form.

Whoopsadazy · 29/09/2014 14:07

Doublethecuddles
System seems totally ridiculous . People shouldn't have to " find god" to get their children into a school. It's all sounds very competitive!

Agree! 10 years of playing the game here. It's ridiculous that local children can't attend the school at the heart of their community.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/09/2014 14:14

Our Sunday school has a register. But our church is pretty small and friendly and everyone knows who is there regularly. We are Methodist, and on a circuit, so have a different minister every week anyway.

I am baffled by non Christians who "play the game" to get their kids into church schools. It is incredibly hard faced and hypocritical.

ArcheryAnnie · 29/09/2014 14:20

I am baffled by non Christians who "play the game" to get their kids into church schools. It is incredibly hard faced and hypocritical.

I don't and haven't played that game, but I understand parents that do. Why should children be penalised by being barred from their neighbourhood school just because their parents don't worship in a particular faith?

If anything, I think it's more hypocritical for people with a faith that professes love for all humanity to be totally fine with privileging some children and punishing others on the basis of this.

ARGHtoAHHH · 29/09/2014 14:23

One that plays the game (badly) here. Never thought I'd be in this position, but there you go

I agree with everything archery has said, and the whole bloody thing depresses me beyond belief.

Heels99 · 29/09/2014 14:27

Why not ask? What is the process for recording attendance for school entry? It is better to ask than find you don't have a school place because you didn't know the attendance recording system

Whoopsadazy · 29/09/2014 14:27

Not even bothered about "playing the game". If I recruited my staff based on their religion I'd be on the wrong side of the law.

flipflopsandcottonsocks · 29/09/2014 14:28

I am baffled by non Christians who "play the game" to get their kids into church schools. It is incredibly hard faced and hypocritical.

Then I am assuming Tinkly, that you live in an area where your children are eligible for a good education regardless of their faith or ability? What do you suggest for parents whose children are unable to get into faith schools, can't pass the 11+, can't afford private, and so face the last remaining option of a failing school?

Original poster

nomdemere · 29/09/2014 14:32

I don't believe myself (have tried, just can't do it!), but I was brought up going to church (my parents believe) and I want to give my DC the same upbringing and opportunity to believe.

So I take them to church, and I want them to go to the church school (which is also our local school). It is excellent academically, has a strong value system, and expresses the faith they are being culturally brought up with. Whether the DC believe or not as adults will be their own decision.

What's hypocritical about that?

OP posts:

Whoopsadazy · 29/09/2014 14:37

nomdemere same here. My children are actually committed Christians so you could take it even further and say why should Christian children be denied a Christian education because their parents don't believe? the fact is they wouldn't be Christians if I hadn't "played the game" and took them to Church and sent them to a Christian school, so they've gained two Christians by my nerfarious tactics.

doubleshotespresso · 29/09/2014 14:38

Catholic (newly less "lapsed") for entirely the purposes of a decent school for DD in the future.

Agree a complete faff and PITA every weekend and it drives DP utterly insane. However, all that said, I realistically do not see how else church schools are supposed to manage without some way of filtering applications. Not sure about the rest of the country, but here Catholic schools are massively over-subscribed because they are largely regarded to be the best in the area. They are also greatly self-funded by the church who therefore I (reluctantly) acknowledge then have the right to somehow require church attendance and commitment. Otherwise how are they supposed to maintain the standards we are all so keen desperate for our dc's to benefit from?

Does not make the weekends any easier I know but that is how I make peace with myself selling my soul. Say it over and again with me:
"it's only an hour a week, it's only an hour a week"...

Our church have no register.... The parish priest clearly does have a magic memory though....

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/09/2014 14:42

I send my kids to a church school because I want there to be a Christian element to their education, not because of any school league tables. In fact, my kids' school isn't top of the local tables. It does however have very good pastoral care, fantastic anti bullying policy, and a generally caring atmosphere.

Choosing your child's school by how clever they are, or by how rich you are is apparently fine. But choosing a school based on your faith is apparently not? OKaaaaay.

elliejjtiny · 29/09/2014 14:42

Our DC's go to c of e school. We go to church but not the one attached to the school. There isn't a register or anything. We ticked the box on the school application form for "attends another church" but nobody ever checked. It isn't an oversubscribed school though. There are spaces for 30 children in each year group but there are only 15 in DS1's class. Apparently the 2 schools nearby which aren't church schools are a lot more popular.

BeyondRepair · 29/09/2014 14:44

ours has book which you get stamped when you go - simples

ElephantsNeverForgive · 29/09/2014 14:46

Rural area, all schools are CofE, mostly under subscribed. They need pupils. They don't care if you go to church or not.

Actually I do sometimes, have done for years, it's nice and peaceful, DH believes in the nonsense and DD1sings in the choir. DD2 now stays in bed.

I'm jolly glad I've never had to use it for school attendance, as I don't go up for communion and the brighter members of the congregation must have sussed by now that I'm not exactly a devote Christian.

I notice they don't bother asking DD1 if she wants to be confirmed anymore.

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