There is no way we are paying for this

[Edenviolet]

Had a conversation with dh today about our parents/grandparents and what will happen when they are older.

Dh wants to start putting money aside now so that he can 'chip in' for care home fees for when his DM or Dgm need more help/carers/to go into a care home. I told him that we will not be paying towards it. We have four dcs and especially as far as mil is concerned I will not pay for anything for her (she has caused us no end of oroblems in the past)

Dh thinks I'm BU but I'd rather be saving towards dcs futures not for care home fees?

Anyone noticed that the ones on this thread squawking loudest about the evils of state funded care homes and their revulsion at putting their own parents in one, are the ones who aren't in the position of having to make that decision in the first place? or have no children so don't have to choose
What's the point of all those grandiose notions when you're safe in the knowledge that you'll never be called on it?

It wouldn't enter my head to stick my Dad into a state home

Good for you. When making the utterly heartbreaking decision that my grandad would be better of in residential care - and after doing everything we could to keep him in his own home for as long as possible (my nan cared for him with the help of various professionals/family members for six years until she became too ill to look after him) - our only option was to look at state-funded specialist residential care. I think you're incredibly ill-informed if you think people go around "sticking" their parents into homes. They don't. And as others have already mentioned, paying for private care doesn't mean your loved ones will be treated any better than their state-funded counterparts, it just means the private company running the place will be making a bigger profit. Great that you'll never have to sell your home or give up your job or compromise on your children's quality of life because your dad's already sorted himself out and you'll all be fine and dandy. Very helpful.

So true all of the above comments:re care
I doubt the "it wouldnt enter my head to stick my parents in care " posters have any clue about the complex nature of elderly care needs
Not a clue

even if the state pay there are many homes that charge a top up fee.

i do not think YABU and the care industry isnt what it should be

Hedgehog, you need to save that money for your children. If your H wants to chip in for his mother's care home perhaps he could sell some fishing equipment.

Perhaps everyone berating the OP for not being in a position to fund a palatial care home might like to point out where she -or her four children with complex medical needs - should make cuts ?

Without sounding harsh op - it really isn't worth it.

We had just been through similar with FIL. The care home cost £900 a week! (Which came out of the money from the sale of his house).
Had he not had that money the state would have paid for it. The state funded care homes were actually much nicer than the private ones we had to choose from (we were not allowed to go to the state funded ones due to having the finances).

We didn't, nor could we have afforded to chip in any money towards it... It's crazy to put your money towards it... Save it for your dc instead!

Totally agree with SeaGshore. Just had the assessor today for my Mum's care. She's regarded as self funding because my Dad put some of his inheritance into her named account in case SHE needed it to care for HIM and now it's being used to care for her. When it runs out the LA will pay. He's an elderly fragile man and they've just looked into his deepest recesses, so to speak, to find every last cent he might have. I'd never advise anyone to keep any of their money tbh - go on holidays or gift it to the kids. If you haven't got it nobody can take it from you!