Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit :/.about this response

109 replies

worstdayever · 28/09/2014 13:16

It's my first anniversary yesterday and i was happy about it txt my mate, who I always listen to re: her relationships etc, "ive been married a year god its flown!" And I got "lucky you! Don't think I'll ever get married. " Confused Sad I haven't responded im a bit down about it tbh, i would be happy for someone maybe its just, feel a bit let down.

OP posts:
EmbarrassedPossessed · 28/09/2014 16:56

Thurlow those examples are really not the same at all.

The OP was not particularly unreasonable to send her text. But to feel "let down" by her friend by the very brief and possibly joking/self deprecating reply is being a bit unreasonable! Especially as she knows her friend is single and possibly unhappy about this. I genuinely don't understand why the first reaction to the reply was to feel "let down", rather than to feel concern for her friend?

letmedoit · 28/09/2014 16:59

YOU were the centre of attention for a while. Now you're not. Get over it.

Also agree that the anniversary might be a big deal to you, but not so much everybody else.

FrootLoopy · 28/09/2014 17:00

Friend was happy for the OP! She said 'lucky you!'.

Yeah, and then made it all about herself.

Thurlow · 28/09/2014 17:02

I know they're not the same at all. I was just using them to remind myself that I keep reading threads on MN where it seems like normal, friendly and polite interaction is being self-obsessed and self-indulgent.

I'm not overly disagreeing that the OP shouldn't have been so put out. I was just disagreeing that sending a text to a friend sharing something that makes you feel happy is somehow weird or unusual.

FrootLoopy · 28/09/2014 17:03

Thurlow - it's a parallel universe here sometimes, isn't it?!

JanineStHubbins · 28/09/2014 17:04

Yeah, and then made it all about herself.

Well that's perhaps understandable, given that the OP's text could easily have been interpreted as (a) fishing for a compliment and/or (b) rubbing single friend's face in her smug married bliss. Just like the OP could have misinterpreted the tone of friend's text.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 28/09/2014 17:06

Both texts are completely normal ... What's not normal is you jumping onto mumsnet to have the reply forensically analysed!

What makes this everyday exchange worthy of posting it up for the would to see?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 28/09/2014 17:06

Would should be 'world' btw!

letmedoit · 28/09/2014 17:06

Not to be too harsh, but without realizing it, you have probably been boring your friends for well over a year with talk about your wedding!

They were probably hoping you would have toned down the bridezilla talk by now. And now you are reminding them all of the Anniversary as well? Shock

Time to start talking about other things.

Thurlow · 28/09/2014 17:08

Misc, that's probably the best summary Grin

Clarabumps · 28/09/2014 17:11

I don't really think your friend was being anything other than normal. Yes it could be taken to be snippy but yours could also be taken to be gloaty so I'd just leave it.

An anniversary is a personal thing. A Happy Anniversary should suffice. A girl I know posts photos of her wedding day every single anniversary( on Facebook- I've since deleted Facebook) . It's like living it all over again.
I hate to tell people this but in general not many people care if it's your anniversary ...

FetchezLaVache · 28/09/2014 17:13

I don't think we have enough info to decide. On the one hand, if you tend to gush about how wonderful married life is and your friend is unhappily single, she might feel she's having her nose rubbed in it and YABU. On the other, I don't think it's at all indulgent, weird, crashingly boring or compliment-fishingy to comment to a close friend that one's first year of marriage seems to have gone by quickly, and if friend is the type always to turn every conversational gambit back round to herself, then SIBU.

patienceisvirtuous · 28/09/2014 17:15

No way would I text my single friend about my anniversary.

I like the homeless person analogy. Here's another, it's like texting your skint friend to say 'it's a year ago today I won the lottery'.

Insensitive.

letmedoit · 28/09/2014 17:16

A girl I know posts photos of her wedding day every single anniversary( on Facebook- I've since deleted Facebook) . It's like living it all over again

How sad are some people? Shock

Original poster
worstdayever · 28/09/2014 17:46

Plump, yeah me and dh are having a meal later kid free Smile

OP posts:
SailorEverRose · 28/09/2014 17:56

I'd just leave it now everyone as we are all wasting our time on this thread. The OP has no intention of considering any view that differs from her own.

These kind of people are extremely self indulgent, so I'm not surprised that you wanted to continue to make it all about yourself.

What a sad attitude to have towards life.

FishWithABicycle · 28/09/2014 18:09

weird exhibitionism on your part to send a text like that to a single friend, no matter how close she is.
Your anniversary is special for you and DH. Trumpeting about it to others is crass. Your friend's text was a reasonable response to hint how inappropriate it was.

PlumpPartridge · 28/09/2014 18:16

Well, I would focus on that then. Have a lovely time (and maybe text your friend tomorrow to see how she's doing) Wink

Catzeyess · 28/09/2014 18:32

I text married friend when I had been married 6 months to say woah hasn't that gone fast, she replied with 'woah yes it seems like yesterday'

I have a close friend who often confides in me about relationships and is unhappily single (but has a great life otherwise) I would never send her a text like that it's plain insensitive.

PiperRose · 28/09/2014 18:56

I am post very painful break-up and am currently having to subdue extremely violent thoughts about happy couples I come across at the moment. Think yourself lucky I am not your friend, because the best response I could come up with would be to completely ignore you.

Then again my friends are all too lovely to send me such crap.

4boys78 · 28/09/2014 19:07

think both txts are self absorbed tbf

Original poster
worstdayever · 28/09/2014 20:13

Hang on just a minute im not dismissing anyone and considering some posters have been rude calling me entitled, precious and bridezilla to name a few ive not bitten and have actually said thanks for the replies, re: friend maybe i was insensitive my bad if I was, ill think next time, however as im often a shoulder for her to cry on i kind of expected a bit more politeness whether she was in a good mood or not, out of decency to accept otherwise feels too much like a one sided friendship, maybe again thats my problem judging people by my standards, like I said i haven't responded , so ill just leave it.

OP posts:
Flipflops7 · 28/09/2014 20:19

I think she was trying to open a conversation or she was looking for a bit of reassurance. Nothing to stress about.

Lifesalemon · 28/09/2014 20:42

OP if you were my friend I would be happy for you whatever was happening in my life. And I would have sent you a card and a bottle of wine too.
Congratulations. Wine Flowers

MidLifeClitoris · 28/09/2014 22:23

My bad??? Do people really say that?
Are you 15 op? Oh wait a minute, I think you mentioned you're married so I guess not.