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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit :/.about this response

109 replies

worstdayever · 28/09/2014 13:16

It's my first anniversary yesterday and i was happy about it txt my mate, who I always listen to re: her relationships etc, "ive been married a year god its flown!" And I got "lucky you! Don't think I'll ever get married. " Confused Sad I haven't responded im a bit down about it tbh, i would be happy for someone maybe its just, feel a bit let down.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 28/09/2014 14:29

YABU, precious and self involved.

MidLifeClitoris · 28/09/2014 14:36

plumppartridge agreed with you, most don't.

Stokes · 28/09/2014 14:42

I just can't imagine texting anyone to draw attention to my anniversary - but especially not a single friend who had confided in me about her own relationship struggles. It's a bit "Hey, look how awesome MY life is, sucks to be you".

WilburIsSomePig · 28/09/2014 14:43

I don't really understand what's wrong with her reply. Confused

'Lucky you! Don't think I'll ever get married'

Nope, still not seeing it. The problem with text is that you can't read tone. I would forget all about it if I were you.

PlumpPartridge · 28/09/2014 14:50

Admittedly the initial text was self-absorbed, yes, but I did point out that if a friend who is not NORMALLY self-absorbed sends me a self-absorbed text then you generally let them have that one for free, as it were. Once in a while is allowed Grin

It does sound like your friend is a bit down and needs a hug. Maybe you could text her back later saying 'Are you ok? You sound sad'. DON'T say you felt a little hurt at her lacklustre response, for heaven's sake. If she's a good friend then she will realise that she's brought you down a bit, as you initially sounded happy.

ocelot41 · 28/09/2014 14:53

Sounds like she is feeling lonely. Have a heart. You are obviously happily married. She's not and is clearly feeling sad about that. Some compassion is in order!

SailorEverRose · 28/09/2014 14:53

plumppartridge agreed with you, most don't.

Exactly. I don't think you should just dismiss what other people have said on the basis that they are not rushing to agree with you.

You were insensitive and I think you should shift your view and open your eyes.

LadyLuck10 · 28/09/2014 14:55

What on earth did you find bad about the message? You feel happy about marriage, she doesn't. So what's the problem?

JanineStHubbins · 28/09/2014 14:57

Was your wedding day the 'worst day ever', or is that an unfortunate coincidence?

PlumpPartridge · 28/09/2014 15:01

op: just out of interest, are you and DH doing anything to celebrate? Does he seem excited about his anniversary?

Original poster
worstdayever · 28/09/2014 15:08

How is being happy self absorbed? And why does being single mean her life sucks out of interest? Confused

OP posts:
EmbarrassedPossessed · 28/09/2014 15:14

Being happy is not self-absorbed. Expecting other people to be equally as happy when you text them out of the blue is self-absorbed.

Being single does not mean your friend's life sucks (who has said that on this thread?). However, it may well be something that she feels sensitive about, or even sad about. I'm guessing that as she is a good friend, you will know whether she usually happy about being single or not. If she is unhappily single, and you know this, then your text was insensitive. Even if she is normally happy being single, your text might still have touched a nerve and upset her. As her good friend, wouldn't you be concerned for her, rather than upset that she isn't cheerleading you for your happiness?

JanineStHubbins · 28/09/2014 15:15

Being happy isn't self-absorbed; expecting other people to congratulate you on your happiness is.

SailorEverRose · 28/09/2014 15:20

How is being happy self absorbed?

Thinking people give a shit about your anniversary to the point of texting people asking for congratulations.

Being happy is not self-absorbed.

And why does being single mean her life sucks out of interest?

No one person has said that. You mentioned in your OP you listen to her about her relationships and her saying "I don't think I'll ever get married" has lead most people to believe that she is down about being single - it is her choice whether to feel fine or feel down about it.

No one has said her life sucks.

poolomoomon · 28/09/2014 15:28

Hmm, depends. If she's one of those that believes she's 'unlucky in love' and is really struggling with her feelings about the whole thing and you knew that then ywbu, it was a bit smug and rubbing her face in it.

However if she's not then she was being a bit self absorbed turning it around to her and the lucky you was totally sarcastic. She could have just replied "oh that has gone fast! Do you have any plans for it?" Rather than going all woe is me. Maybe she had a bad day.

NancyCracker · 28/09/2014 15:32

If you want to text someone, why not text your DH? Why on earth would you text a friend about your anniversary Hmm

Very self absorbed behaviour expecting her to be the slightest bit interested.

maddy68 · 28/09/2014 16:04

Confused. What are you down about. Is it because she didn't congratulate you? I never remember my own anniversary let alone care about anyone else's to be frank

PlumpPartridge · 28/09/2014 16:09

Well the initial text was 'Yay, I'm happy about a thing in my life which has no relevance to you!' That's self-absorbed, I think, but once in a while it's allowed!

TheRealMaryMillington · 28/09/2014 16:13

blimey
are you
a. very high maintenance as a mate?
or
b. reading something critical into the text?

How was she supposed to know how you wanted her to respond?

sonjadog · 28/09/2014 16:29

I don't see what was wrong with that text. What sort of response did you expect?

If we were friends and you'd sent a text like that to me I'd probably ignore it. So maybe you should count yourself lucky that you have a friend who cares enough to respond at all!

Snatchoo · 28/09/2014 16:33

YAB a bit U!

Only because I think it's genrally a bit of a weird thing to mention tbh. But maybe I'm not the best person to judge - my mum has sent us anniversary cards before which is nice, but so totally unnecessary. I don't expect anyone apart from me and DH to remember.

FrootLoopy · 28/09/2014 16:37

Wow, what a bunch of killjoys on here.

She text 1 mate, happy about her anniversary. Hardly a bridezilla offence.

How hard is it to reply 'congratulations, hope you have fun celebrating' or something like that?

Next thing you know inviting someone out to celebrate your birthday will be called being high maintenance..... 'Oh lucky you, you're birthdays in X month where as mine is in Y and I never get to celebrate like that...' FFS.....

YANBU, OP. Of you were dreadfully upset by it all I'd say you were over reacting. Feeling a little let down, completely understandable. She's your friend and really, friends should feel happy for you, and if they can't at that point in time then they should value you enough to at least respond without making it all about them just occasionally.

But don't dwell on it and let it put a dampener on your day.

Yama · 28/09/2014 16:42

I think it sounds like she is being self-deprecating. You know - joking?

Thurlow · 28/09/2014 16:49

Hello, froot, I thought I was living alone in some weird world where people occasionally share things they are happy about, and friends occasionally are polite or happy for you in return.

Sometimes I do forget that I'm on MN, though, the world where it is perfectly acceptable to show no interest in new baby nieces or nephews, or text a friend to ask how their DC's operation went, if you have your own DC because having your own family somehow makes you far to busy to be able to spare a minute to be polite or friendly...

JanineStHubbins · 28/09/2014 16:55

Friend was happy for the OP! She said 'lucky you!'. OP has interpreted this as a slight for some reason.

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