The wrong sister got pregnant

[MrsDutchie]

AIBU to feel like my family are treating my pregnancy like second best because it was me and not my sister who fell pregnant.

My sister is 9 yrs older than me & has been ttc for 3 yrs now with no success. She's had 1 round of IVF which was unsuccessful and has one left. I've supported her throughout the process and tried to offer all the love and support I can in what must be a horribly difficult situation.

I've been with OH for almost 3 yrs & I'm 27 (almost 28) years old. We were totally surprised to find out we were expecting a baby in April. The day after I found out, I'd been bleeding and had to go to hospital for an emergency scan. My Mum called and I told her because I was feeling really emotional and scared. She was absolutely gutted and very upset to find out I was pregnant and kept talking about my sister. My Mum then told my Dad who then told my sister (both w/o my permission as I wanted to speak to her directly). What's worse is he didn't directly tell her but hinted to her and she suddenly remembered something he said when she was doing her hormonal injections for IVF and called him up. Obv my sister called me in tears and kept saying that she knew I didn't intend to hurt her by getting pregnant. She made me promise a couple of years ago that I could get married before her but I could never have children before her.

Since then, I've been treated like it's a teenage pregnancy and I can't help but feel my sister would have had a totally different response if she announced she was pregnant. I've had to defend myself on so many points and I find it exhausting. My mum's even too upset to give me proper advice when I ask her baby questions but has plenty of time for my sister. I know this is incredibly hard for her and I don't approach her on any baby talk so she can choose how much or how little she wants to be involved.

It's almost like my sister's always expected me to be a screw up and is really angry that I'm settled, married and expecting a baby. None of them seem to realise that I've been in a happy, settled relationship for a couple of years, and have my own job and career. Babies were inevitably around the corner...

I don't know what to do to change how they see me & I really need all the support I can get being a first time mum.

I really feel for you, not least because I have been in a very similar situation, though in my case it was my Narc of a DB who I was perceived to have wronged I was compared to my cousins pregnant young teen granddaughter- at 41 & told that I had "let the family name down"

I've no real answers for you, other than you need to give priority to yourself & that precious baby if yours - try reasoning with them, maybe write it as a letter & if they still don't get it & get off your case & just be happy for you - back right away & leave them to it - your own little family unit needs to come first

They will come round in the end, but you are pregnant, they need to respect that, or leave you alone.

Good luck & CONGRATULATIONS

Just come here for advice instead xx

What a sad situation all round :(

Noone is in a great position here. Just keep focused on the fact that you will have a lovely baby in a few months.

Sadly your sister won't and that must be gut wrenching for her and heartbreaking for your parents to know how much pain she is in.

They should have stepped up to support you too though.

My Grannie was unable to get pregnant and so she and Grandpa adopted my mum.

Mum says that, when pregnant with me, Grannie found the situation hard but, once I was born, she was besotted.

Sadly, there is nothing like a pregnant woman to remind people who can't conceive of what they are denied.

Your parents need to stop making you feel bad - they are wrong and their behaviour is awful.

When my dsis got married when I was ttc, I did dread her announcing a pregnancy but I certainly wouldn't have made her feel bad about it.

If I've understood your OP correctly, I don't quite get why your older sister didn't want you to ttc at the same time she began to ttc.
Did she not want to be 'upstaged' by her younger sibling and wanted the honour of producing your parents' first grandchild or had she maybe already been unsuccessfully trying to ttc for a time before that, unknown to anyone else and felt the first grandchild was her 'right' or something?!
Either way, it was a very strange thing to ask a sibling to promise.
Best of luck with your Christmas baba OP!