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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope having a toddler and newborn IS easier than pregnancy and a toddler?

112 replies

Keepontrudging · 27/09/2014 19:02

Please let me just start by saying this is a moany post- but ultimately I am immensely happy and cannot wait for my son to arrive in January :)
But... Quite frankly ...I cant imagine it being easier with a newborn and a toddler, but then again I am struggling! I am only 25 weeks and Lordy do I feel it now ! This pregnancy has been very draining due to multiple scares/high risks etc. Emotionally i have been drained, but things are looking up in that aspect as we have been assured it is likely all should be ok. However, lately the physical side of things is really taking its toll. I don't sleep well due to hip pain, I struggle the stairs due to the hip pain and I am getting breathless easier. Everything seems to take a lot of effort in the mornings esspecially. I am on meds for thyriod and aneamia - so i will discuss a review of this to ensure i am on the right amount (They should be doing this for me, but sadly i have to chase them!)

My dd is 17 months old, she is VERY active. She my world and I wouldn't have her any other way, but she is more on the demanding side bless her... She's very bright so I guess this is a product of that. Her brightness has lots of pros (more than cons) so I am obviously grateful too. Anyway, I am sat here thinking how much harder physically this pregnancy is going to be...in terms of bending down/lifting dd/sleeping and I am worried... it would be somewhat comforting to atleast be assured this is the toughest part? Right? the pregnancy is the most testing part....? (gulp)

OP posts:

Janek · 27/09/2014 19:15

Definitely, so much easier to have two than have one and be pregnant. Such a blessed relief when that baby gets here!

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 27/09/2014 19:18

Yes definitely much easier!!

TeracottaTurtle · 27/09/2014 19:20

Er...sure...

Dizzywizz · 27/09/2014 19:20

I'm relieved to read this! Ds2 due any day now and also really struggled in this pregnancy

MilesFlora · 27/09/2014 19:21

I was so pleasantly surprised at how much easier things got once 2nd pg was over. Good luck with pg, sounds like it's hard work. Nice prize at the end tho

wanderingcloud · 27/09/2014 19:21

It's definitely easier with a newborn and a toddler. I feel for you, I've been there not too long ago. Now I'm pregnant with two toddlers which is even worse!

Purplepoodle · 27/09/2014 19:21

Just different stress tbh. I find I'm much more exhausted but all my babies were two hourly wakers - that impacted for me on everything else.

WillowWoods · 27/09/2014 19:22

Obviously you're having a laugh

Stuckonthebaby · 27/09/2014 19:22

Hmm can't say I can reassure you. But the I had an easy pregnancy and a nightmare 2nd baby!!

Nocturne123 · 27/09/2014 19:26

I could've written your post before ds was born 4 weeks ago !

I've definitely found it less exhausting than being pregnant and looking after dd 16mo . But I've now gone from having a tiny break during the day when dd will nap for about about an hour to having no break at all as ds seems to always be awake then !

I guess it will depend on the baby but I've definitely found it more pleasant.

I'm also more organised and my house is (slightly) tidier !

Best of luck

WineSpider · 27/09/2014 19:27

I don't understand how it could possibly be easier?! My DD is a year old and I found it sooooo hard for the first 3 months - I remember thinking that it could only be worse with a toddler to look after too. Those that say it is easier - how and why?!

Sorry OP! And congratulations (and good luck!).

HolyDrinker · 27/09/2014 19:27

I think, just in terms of how you feel physically, it is easier once the baby is out. You can sit on the floor and play, you can swing them around, give them huge bear hugs, walk around lots, bend down and pick them up when they fall over etc.

Obviously, having 2 to look after brings its own challenges but I agree that being physically more mobile makes it easier than looking after a toddler when pregnant.

But I had a horrid second pregnancy and an extremely boisterous DS!

Original poster

Keepontrudging · 27/09/2014 19:34

Willow! I anticipated more comments like yours :D ... thankfully it seems it could be kinda true? I am not being too delusional. Thanks everyone. I will hang onto this thread for dear life. Keep them coming!

OP posts:

wanderingcloud · 27/09/2014 19:35

Yes wss I had PGP and was on crutches just to move about our flat. It was hugely easier once DS2 was out and I could put him down! Newborns are relatively easy to look after compared to toddlers, it's only once you have a toddler that you realise. I found having DS1 seemed so hard but with DS2 I was used to a lot of the things that stressed me out first time around.

KnackeredMuchly · 27/09/2014 19:40

Ohh I could have written your post!! 27 weeks pg with a 17 month old. Beyond exhausted and I don't have your health complications.

We're moving house next week and just the thought of it is enough to make me need a lie down

MonoNoAware · 27/09/2014 19:40

I had an 18 month gap and really struggled during the pregnancy (didn't help DC1 was a late walker...)

I was lucky enough to have an easy birth and had far more energy post birth than I had during pregnancy, even including the even more disrupted nights. When DC2 was 5 days old I took them both to Legoland by myself (we were only 40mins away and I had an annual pass) as I was going stir crazy at home. I'd struggled to make the 15 minute walk to the park the week before.

BrianButterfield · 27/09/2014 19:42

It is easier. Dealing with a recalcitrant toddler when you can't even bend over it so hard and draining. You feel 100x lighter after giving birth and at least you can lift them up again! Obviously it has it's own stresses but overall life was easier with a sleepy newborn and a toddler than when I was 41 weeks pregnant and couldn't hardly eat or drink anything due to hideous heartburn.

bronya · 27/09/2014 19:43

I'm hoping it will be better. At least I will be able to move freely again and eat properly.

notadoctor · 27/09/2014 19:45

It obviously depends on your pregnancy and your baby. I had an average ish pregnancy and DS is an absolute dream baby and I have found having two a million times easier than being pregnant with an active toddler!

londonrach · 27/09/2014 19:47

Seriously..... Yes op toddler and new born is so much easier than pregnancy and toddler.... Hope that makes you feel better. [ grin]. Op you might need to know ive never been lucky enough to have children but have sister with two. I remember arriving and she handing me the baby and toddler and she zonked out for what seemed like hours.... (I am very very hands on aunt who moved in to be there for weeks and sister refused to let me go (she locked door....). so i done everything but the breast feeding bit and the pregnancy apart from listening....)

somewherewest · 27/09/2014 19:53

I don't sleep well due to hip pain

Switching to a foam mattress solved this overnight for me (I bang on about this every SPD thread...)

WillowWoods · 27/09/2014 19:53

Keepo,I don't mean to be mean. It's just things like trying to breastfeed and the toddler knows that they can scupper everything by deciding that they need the loo,"Right now"!

ninetynineonehundred · 27/09/2014 19:58

Op I've found it so much easier since baby was born. Pregnancy with a little one was horrendous.

Once bubs popped out I had more energy and baby slept a lot so dd suddenly had mummy back
By the time the newborn sleep stopped we had all settled into the new way of things.
Hang in there (although willow is right about breastfeeding /loo crises though!)

Original poster

Keepontrudging · 27/09/2014 20:00

Thanks somewhere. I will look into that...I am using pillows at the mo.
Willow- Of course! I know everyone has different experiences and I am fully aware this is an optimistic question, haha

OP posts:

Stripylikeatiger · 27/09/2014 20:03

I really really hope it's easier with a newborn and toddler, at the moment I can't sit, stand of lie down for more than about 20 without the room spinning and nearly fainting, I have horrible pelvic pain when I walk anywhere and very low iron levels so I'm constantly exhausted after very little activity.

When I was pregnant with dc1 I couldn't understand what all the fuss some pregnant women made was about, that pregnancy was so easy, I used to breezily say "oh it's just like carrying a rucksack on your front, no problem really".

I think surely it depends on what sort of pregnancy and newborn you get, dc1 was a very easy newborn, woke up once or twice a night for a quick feed, slept all the time (about 22/23 hours a day until about 4 months, I was actually very concerned that there was something seriously wrong) breast fed but only ever for about 10 minutes at a time but gained masses of weight.

If I get a baby like dc1 then baby+toddler will no doubt be easier than pregnancy+toddler, but no one is lucky enough to get a "good" newborn twice in a row are they?! I'm going to get a baby that is everything dc1 wasn't, a non-sleeping cluster feeding screamer just to teach me that newborns, like pregnancy are not always easy! Oh and placid sleepy newborn dc1 didn't stay placid and sleepy, he is now a very active demanding toddler.

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