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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hope having a toddler and newborn IS easier than pregnancy and a toddler?

112 replies

Keepontrudging · 27/09/2014 19:02

Please let me just start by saying this is a moany post- but ultimately I am immensely happy and cannot wait for my son to arrive in January :)
But... Quite frankly ...I cant imagine it being easier with a newborn and a toddler, but then again I am struggling! I am only 25 weeks and Lordy do I feel it now ! This pregnancy has been very draining due to multiple scares/high risks etc. Emotionally i have been drained, but things are looking up in that aspect as we have been assured it is likely all should be ok. However, lately the physical side of things is really taking its toll. I don't sleep well due to hip pain, I struggle the stairs due to the hip pain and I am getting breathless easier. Everything seems to take a lot of effort in the mornings esspecially. I am on meds for thyriod and aneamia - so i will discuss a review of this to ensure i am on the right amount (They should be doing this for me, but sadly i have to chase them!)

My dd is 17 months old, she is VERY active. She my world and I wouldn't have her any other way, but she is more on the demanding side bless her... She's very bright so I guess this is a product of that. Her brightness has lots of pros (more than cons) so I am obviously grateful too. Anyway, I am sat here thinking how much harder physically this pregnancy is going to be...in terms of bending down/lifting dd/sleeping and I am worried... it would be somewhat comforting to atleast be assured this is the toughest part? Right? the pregnancy is the most testing part....? (gulp)

OP posts:

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/09/2014 09:46

Totally agree, leaving the house takes ages. Took me two hours the other day as newborn needed feeding, then poo'd everywhere needing a bath, as soon as we eventually got out the door DS informed me he'd poo'd too so we had to go back in. And then there's toddler tantrums, much more difficulty to pick up an angry toddler when you've also got a baby.

And breathe....

Obviously I adore them both, but it's a juggling act.

HavanaSlife · 28/09/2014 09:49

The slow cooker was brill, I just chucked stuff in it when I had the chance.

I had an elcs, it was difficult in the begining but dp was self emplyed and had to go back to work the day after I came out of hospital. If he had been able to take time off it would have bewn much easier

Cannotbelieveit · 28/09/2014 09:52

Toddler and newborn was fine and easier than toddler and pregnant!

I didn't find it hard to get out of the house. Toddler is a great eater and entertained himself playing whilst I bf.

Just thought I'd give a positive skin on things (especially since everyone took delight in telling me it would be unmanageable whilst I was pregnant with DC2)

Cannotbelieveit · 28/09/2014 09:53

Positive spin

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/09/2014 09:54

Oh and I can't leave them together as DS likes to try and pick him up (in a helpful way). It's non-stop. Everything has to be timed around DS2 napping, including showering. I feel awful about the amount of cbeebies DS1 is watching.

I think it totally depends on your children. DS1 is not a toddler to sit down, he's busy busy and DS2 is refluxy and doesn't like to be put down. I get a brief moment when he naps (conveniently DS1 has decided he no longer needs a nap..), and then I'm trying to put on washing, clear up etc.

Sorry OP, I don't think any of that was what you wanted to hear. But that's just how things are at the moment.

Jollyphonics · 28/09/2014 10:04

My experience - much much much million times harder having a 3year old and a newborn.

When I was pregnant I was big and achy, but DS didn't have anything to be jealous of. So although I couldn't run around like I used to, I was always on hand to read stories or push trains along the track.

Once DS2 was born, I had a newborn permanently attached to me (cried if put down for a micro-second, and was in danger of DS1 jumping on him), so I still couldn't run around. And now I wasn't available to play either because I had endless feeding and nappy changing to do, so DS1 turned into a sad furious jealous monster.

The first 3 months were pure hell. Based on my experience alone, I would say enjoy these last few months of having one child, because once you've got 2 you'll wonder what it was like to not feel totally bone-achingly on-your-knees-begging-for-mercy shattered!

I don't regret it of course, I love them dearly and wouldn't have it any other way. They're quite a few years older now, and they play together nicely, most of the time!

HungryHorace · 28/09/2014 10:15

I'm with Liege et al, sorry.

13 month gap here and it's really, really hard with the two of them.

DD is teething her molars so her sleep has just gone horribly wrong and DS has reflux and as such is tricky to feed / needs holding upright for long periods / doesn't sleep well.

I'm sure it'll be easier in the long run, but we are running on empty right now (2 months in).

HungryHorace · 28/09/2014 10:17

Oh, and YY to CBeebies guilt here too.

I've just signed DD up to Tumble Tots, starting tomorrow. Fx that goes well. It could be a huge mistake to attempt it!

HavanaSlife · 28/09/2014 10:18

Mine too pobble, a few weeks after ds4 was born ds3 dropped his nap in the day, however he did then start sleeping through which was great

Cannotbelieveit · 28/09/2014 10:36

Meant to say 13 month gap here

And I think what you can take from this thread is it really depends on the personalities of your toddler/baby as I've found 2 easier than 1 in some respects but I know I'm fortunate DS1 has always been a good sleeper. DS2 is now feeding over night but goes straight back to sleep so I get 2 big chunks of sleep.

DS1 is too young to be jealous also which I think helps matters immeasurably.

joeschmoesmum · 28/09/2014 10:39

First of all, thank you so much for the post OP. I am in similar situation: 23 weeks into very high risk pg (after several mcs, clotting disorder, thyroid, anemia, low lying placenta etc etc) and have a 14 month old DS. I too cannot wait to simply feel physically better so I can tackle he challenges of motherhood. I have been told not carry DS but that's obv from someone who has not had sole care of a non walking 14 month old...

As you mentioned the sheer worry and mental fog should hopefully lift. I didn't dare ask such a question because everyone u have spoken to about my difficulties now has always said "wait until DS2 is here"... However I dream of being able to simply take them for a walk on my own, or simply leave the house, life DS up and sit on the floor without worrying Imight damage DS2.

Thanks for all the honest replies - here's hoping for an easier time!

Stripylikeatiger · 28/09/2014 10:45

I think it might depend on your dp as well, the problem with bring pregnant is you are pregnant 24/7, no chance to have a lie in without a huge bump making sleeping impossible, no popping out to the shops without waddling when you have a baby and toddler your dp can take them both for periods of time so you can be all alone even if it's just a half an hour bath.

mrscog · 28/09/2014 12:50

I think a lot depends on how compliant your toddler is. My DS is now 2.5 and I'm 10 weeks pg with dc2, it's been an awful pg so far made harder by having to entertain him. However if I go back a year the thought of being either pg or having a newborn at that time makes my blood run cold. He was SO demanding between 18-24 months. Every day was terrible - constant pulling things out of cupboards, running off, refusing pushchair. Refusing to walk, refusing to get dressed, refusing nappy change. He was a very easy and happy baby up until 15 months so it was an absolute shock. I work FT and in those months I was so grateful to be doing so. It was one of the hardest periods of my life and I used to hide in the understairs cupboard from time to time to get a moments peace and shed a tear!

I think/hope that although I will have to deal with jealously when dc2 arrives when he's 3.1 he will at least be bribeable and hopefully potty trained. Plus he's a much easier child now than a year ago.

Original poster

Keepontrudging · 28/09/2014 13:00

Joe: sorry to hear you haven't had an easy pregnancy either. Very similar to mine...I hope things improve for us both :)

The mental fog is unbeliavble! I lose EVERYTTHING, I have gone out and left the door ajar and the keys in the front of it...more than once, I forget words a lot...I was seriously on the brink of tears the other day; worrying about this doziness! I put it down to hormones/exhaustion. Well I suppose one good thing about a hard pregnancy is I will never be stupid enough to get pregnant again the aftermath may appear easier than it is in comparison! DP now works 8-5 so the days are long (dd wakes between 6/7) but he is hands on when here. I have lots of family around and I will ask for help when I really need it (eg hosp appointments) and my mum recently moved to our town so she has been having DD overnight once every 2/3 weeks, but really I do like to do a lot of it on my own- so maybe this makes it harder. When the next dc is here I am going to have to ask for more help and I will struggle with that as I don't like a lot of interference, sadly IME it is often thrown back in our face/ causes meddling into other parts of our life.

OP posts:

Chixie · 28/09/2014 14:22

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and dd2 is 19 months. I'm praying it's easier once dc3 arrives (hopefully natural route) I can't get down and play anymore as I get stuck on the floor. Also having to deal with forced quick weaning as my milk disappeared so dd2 is very upset.

At least this will be over quick as the run up to Xmas is always very fast.

joeschmoesmum · 28/09/2014 17:44

stripy I think you are right. I do have support, my DH is wonderful and when not at work he does help a lot, especially with the physical tasks. My mum also comes round 3 times a week and looks after DS1 while I'm at work and that toois massively helpful! Likemrscog I feel lucky to be working those dAys as my job is less physically demanding than looking after a toddler...

keepon best wishes for the rest ofyiur pg and healthy baby at the end! Hopefully as chixie says the run up to Xmas will go fast!

AmberLav · 28/09/2014 19:12

It's definitely different, but I think newborn was easier, just with less sleep!

Original poster

Keepontrudging · 28/09/2014 19:28

Thanks Joe! Sure it will fly by :)

Amber- yes I envision less sleep if dd is anything to go by ! The lack of sleep is the worst...hoo hum, we will see :)

OP posts:

80schild · 28/09/2014 19:35

16 month gap between my two and I would say so much harder having a toddler and a newborn than anything in the world - even than being pregnant and having one.

The good news is that now they are 4 & 5 life is much easier. Feeling crap during pregnancy to me was like preparation for how hard it was after DC2 was born.

Bulbasaur · 28/09/2014 19:37

If for no other reason it'll be easier because once the baby is born you'll be able to drink copious amounts of wine coffee again. :)

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 28/09/2014 20:01

When my youngest was born I remember thinking to myself what did I do all day when I just had my Toddler because it seemed so easy in comparison.

Original poster

Keepontrudging · 29/09/2014 08:17

Chicken- haha! I can't imagine ever thinking that with this particular toddler...!

OP posts:

combust22 · 29/09/2014 08:21

chicken- i agree, it wasn't until I had me second that I realised how easy having just one baby was.

trixymalixy · 29/09/2014 08:28

Agree chicken. The days DS was in nursery and it was just me and DD I remember wondering how on earth I thought one baby was such hard work!

Original poster

Keepontrudging · 29/09/2014 08:58

My dd is very active as toddlers go and doesn't go to nursery. I'm pretty much with her 24/7... All toddlers are different. Though,, undeniably, two will be harder than one! But I know I will never think 'what did I do all day?' As dd doesn't stop 'doing' ALL day , haha

OP posts:

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