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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope having a toddler and newborn IS easier than pregnancy and a toddler?

112 replies

Keepontrudging · 27/09/2014 19:02

Please let me just start by saying this is a moany post- but ultimately I am immensely happy and cannot wait for my son to arrive in January :)
But... Quite frankly ...I cant imagine it being easier with a newborn and a toddler, but then again I am struggling! I am only 25 weeks and Lordy do I feel it now ! This pregnancy has been very draining due to multiple scares/high risks etc. Emotionally i have been drained, but things are looking up in that aspect as we have been assured it is likely all should be ok. However, lately the physical side of things is really taking its toll. I don't sleep well due to hip pain, I struggle the stairs due to the hip pain and I am getting breathless easier. Everything seems to take a lot of effort in the mornings esspecially. I am on meds for thyriod and aneamia - so i will discuss a review of this to ensure i am on the right amount (They should be doing this for me, but sadly i have to chase them!)

My dd is 17 months old, she is VERY active. She my world and I wouldn't have her any other way, but she is more on the demanding side bless her... She's very bright so I guess this is a product of that. Her brightness has lots of pros (more than cons) so I am obviously grateful too. Anyway, I am sat here thinking how much harder physically this pregnancy is going to be...in terms of bending down/lifting dd/sleeping and I am worried... it would be somewhat comforting to atleast be assured this is the toughest part? Right? the pregnancy is the most testing part....? (gulp)

OP posts:
Giraffeski · 27/09/2014 20:06

34 weeks pregnant with a 21 month old here and very glad to hear it could get easier!

GreenPetal94 · 27/09/2014 20:08

Yes, I found it easier once baby was born - two 23 months apart

LiegeAndLief · 27/09/2014 20:08

Hmm, erm, well, I found it just a little bit harder when the baby came out...

I did have a fairly easy pg though (no PGP or long term sickness or anything, although i had go to a lot of high risk clinics which was not ideal with a 2yo in tow!) and a Velcro baby.

TeracottaTurtle · 27/09/2014 20:11

Oh dear. Do you want true answers based on experience, or just some hope to grab onto? I can give you two very different answers depending on which it is...

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 27/09/2014 20:12

I'm with Liege on this one. Sorry.
I hope the rest of your pregnancy improves.

AppleCrumples · 27/09/2014 20:30

baby and toddler much eas oh er here than pregnant with toddler. helped that I was lucky enough to have pretty easy newb ok rns. fed easily then slept while I spent time with ds1! Equally 3 children and a newborn was much easier than dealing with 3 dc whilst ppregnant as the pregnancy was a total nightmare!

Good luck

AppleCrumples · 27/09/2014 20:31

Good grief the typos! sorry am on app., its useless! Angry

Cheepypeepy · 27/09/2014 20:36

2 year gap, morning sickness and night waking toddler for most of the pregnancy vs c section and 6 times a night waking newborn and a toddler learning how to tantrum . . .

Still easier with a toddler and a newborn! and I was anticipating jealousy etc but not for them to love each other Smile Smile

Bardette · 27/09/2014 20:39

It's so much easier once the baby is born. Yes it's full on, yes it's hard work, but I could have cried with relief when dc3 was born and I could move around/eat/sleep again.

Notfastjustfurious · 27/09/2014 20:39

3 month old and and 25 month old here and it is getting easier now but I did struggle to start with as had a elcs and was establishing bfing. Pregnancy was hard though and I was glad when it was over. As for anyone suffering pgp/spd I highly recommend seeing a chiropractor, I was in agony with that and struggling to sleep, walk or climb stairs until I started treatment.

DeadCert · 27/09/2014 20:40

It IS totally easier. I have 9 week DD and 3.4 year old DS. The last few weeks of my pregnancy were awful. As in, atrociously awful. It was so effing hot that I literally could do nothing. If I took DS to the park I'd feel sick with the heat, he only pleasant thing to do was sit in the shade with my feet in a freezing bowl of water. Ugh.

Anyway, now baby is here (via ELCS too) we can do stuff! It's amazing!

Good luck with baby Thanks

CurlyBlueberry · 27/09/2014 20:40

19 month gap here. Very easy pregnancy but I found it so hard being pregnant with a toddler. Mine is very active and hates seeing me sit down! I felt exhausted all the time.

Balancing two children is tricky, especially when I am trying to breastfeed and the toddler wants me to go and make him some food/play with him or whatever. I know I need to master feeding whilst on the move but my daughter has a poor latch so I'm trying to correct it. Naptimes are also tricky as my son is quite particular.

However it's been nowhere near as bad as I feared and certainly no worse than being pregnant with a toddler IMO.

weeblueberry · 27/09/2014 20:46

When I read this I thought 'omg everyone's going to come along and say she's crazy'. So THANK GOD most people seem to say its easier! I'm 14 weeks and DD is 16 months and the first 12 weeks were atrocious. I was exhausted ALL the time and had insomnia for the last two weeks. Awful.

To hear it could get easier does make me feel better. :)

ninetynineonehundred · 27/09/2014 21:06

I got talking to a woman in the playground when I was pregnant with dd 2 who told me that the way I was feeling at that moment was the most tired I would ever be.
And she was right Smile
I have two horrible sleepers and it's still much better now. You'll be fine.

blueshoes · 27/09/2014 21:17

Depends on how easy your pregnancy is and how easy your baby is.

Zara8 · 27/09/2014 21:18

Very glad I found this thread

Nearly 38 weeks pregnant and have a 23 month old....

On Friday I was crying thinking "but surely this is easier than when the baby is out?!" .... Glad to hear perhaps things will be easier when baby out!

Xmasbaby11 · 27/09/2014 21:21

Really? Maybe if you have an awful pregnancy and an easy newborn. It seems hard to believe. My pregnancy was normal, and it was far more difficult when the baby arrived because I was looking after 2 demanding little ones rather than one.

Eva50 · 27/09/2014 21:24

Another one here who found being pregnant with a toddler hard work. Ds1 was a refluxy, gringy baby but it was still easier once he was here than being pregnant. As your dd is only 17 months you won't need to toilet train her until the baby is older and more settled and surely she still naps - synchronised napping is the answer, we used to sleep all afternoon. I miss that now!

PersonOfInterest · 27/09/2014 21:25

Heaps easier - IME.

oaksettle · 27/09/2014 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WanderingTrolley1 · 27/09/2014 21:31

It depends on your recovery postnatally.

I had an awful pregnancy and baby was born by EMCS 1 week after toddler turned 1.

My recovery was/is extremely slow and the first 5/6 months have been some of the hardest of my life.

For me, the former was easier.

Good luck!

silverstreak · 27/09/2014 21:48

In Exactly the same boat, OP.... Expecting a wee boy in Jan, have a v. Active/ bright (& demanding!) 18 month old daughter, and am finding this preg waaaaay tougher than first.... I don't have any recognised risks or medical issues (poor you!!) but have just generally suffered from 'normal' pregnancy afflictions much more so than with dd - v. Sick, hip pain (both in & out of bed), fatigue, breathlessness... You name it, I've had/got it, all with the added 'challenge' of daughters constant needs & wants - and there's still FOUR MORE MONTHS to go! Like you I am holding on to the 'can't be any worse' trail of thought and have actively been seeking info that confirms this and doing the old 'la la la' fingers in the ears trick to anything to the contrary. It seems to be working! :)

Truly though, I do recall finding the first three months with a newborn hard (as someone up thread said) but I now genuinely think that that was just from being generally shell-shocked at the all-encompassing life-changing-ness (?!) of it all more than anything else... I think looking back the reality was mainly just a lot of sleeping, nappy changing, and waving baby round 'tiger in tree' stylee which I'm pretty sure I could do with my eyes closed by now (& dd definitely want what I would consider a 'good' baby!)... And as dd still isn't a particular good sleeper (& any uninterrupted night stints she does give us have long since been given over to accommodate my newly acquired pea-bladder) it can only really improve can't it?! :)

So, not sure whether this post will have the desired effect of perking you up but at the very least I hope it reassures you you are not alone in your deludeness!

Good luck to us!! ;)

MrsMook · 27/09/2014 21:49

It was a hell of a lot easier with a newborn as I could indulge in 2-3 hour blocks of sleep and roll over in bed.

I had SPD (ring your MWs and get referred to physio ASAP) and had to use crutches. I was dependent on a 2 year old being in a good enough mood to walk independently..
Even though I had a nasty, slow healing tear, and the SPD claiming squatters rights and affecting my routine mobility for 3 months after, the sudden loss of 2 stones in my abdomen made it so much easier than before.

There are lots of tips online for managing SPD, and they do help hold back the rate it progresses at. I was fobbed off with "pregnancy aches and pains " in my first pregnancy, and ended up in chronic agony and pretty much housebound. The second time was better despite the toddler, because it was managed. I just wish I'd gone to the osteopath in pregnancy rather than in desperation 3 months later. BTW, baby was fairly average in his demands.

silverstreak · 27/09/2014 21:52

*deludedness.... Pretty daft correcting a made-up word, I know, but I no longer consider myself responsible for my own brain anyway so what does it matter?! :)

Original poster
Keepontrudging · 27/09/2014 21:53

Thanks, I think I am having an ELCS, depending on the baby (he could potentially be small and also fluid around his heart which they say should go-but have to wait and see..) so fab to hear of the positive c sec experiences especially! My recovery from dds birth took MONTHS. I haemorrhaged too and therefor have a 1 in 3 chance of haemorrhaging again this time- so I really feel 99% sure a c sec is best - though I am worried about the recovery period, obviously.

Thanks all for being honest. I can cope with honesty :) So happy the overwhelming majority seem to agree with what I have been told- I am very pleasantly surprised! I know all factors need to be taken into account and its hard to generalise. I am 27 so farily young -and I remain active,despite being no gym bunny! So my fitness levels aren't awful. DD was also a screamer/non sleeper/V sicky as a newborn- we struggled with BF massively too. so I feel (hopefully) this one can surely only be easier!

OP posts: