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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to throw this letter in the bin about DS being called overweight and bake a cake instead

157 replies

iknowmychildbest · 27/09/2014 12:59

I cannot believe I've been sent a letter calling my 7 y/o Ds overweight and a patronising letter on health advice. Our families have always been quite big, and his dad plays rugby every week and is large but as fit as a butchers dog

OP posts:
PatSharpesfabulousmullet · 27/09/2014 19:56

My daughter is only 6, I pack her healthy lunch and cook her dinner, give healthy snacks such as rice cakes and fruit etc. I know exactly what she eats, just as I know that I and my other 2 children eat the same. We don't drink squash often, just water and milk, we don't have fizzy drinks ever, and chocolate and crisps etc are a rare treat. She is not fat, just slightly larger than her very thin sisters, school weigh-in said normal, healthy weight, as are we all, just some have to work harder at it than others.

eastmidswarwicknightnanny · 27/09/2014 19:57

Children are weighed n measured in yr R n yr6 and parents are informed by letter it's taking place n can opt out this happens around Feb time in a school year and is generally done by the school nursing team but some areas it's a joint venture between school n health.

If a child is weighed at any other age or time in the school year this is because someone has raised a concern about the child weight and the parent would know about it beforehand n have consented and been able to be present if they desired. Most health professional wouldn't go off one measurement they would want to meet n discuss and if poss see red book to see if following same centiles. Any bmi used is plotted on a child specific bmi chart. Normally there would be the offer of advice n support with 2 further measurements taken at 4mthly intervals this would be for an overweight child if obese dietician referral maybe recommended sooner rather than later.

Something doesn't ring true about the OP based on my above post

PatSharpesfabulousmullet · 27/09/2014 20:02

Looked at chart, my eldest 2 daughters are slimmer than the 1st child to the left, my middle daughter is bigger than the 1st, not as big as the 2nd boy, so maybe not chubby compared to others, but definitely slightly larger than her sisters. Just as I was as a child, I'm now size 8-10 and pg with my 4th baby, "skinny sister" has not had children yet but is size 14 Grin

sanfairyanne · 27/09/2014 20:06

i am really surprised people at 5'4 are only half a stone overweight in size 14 clothes

MrsGSR · 27/09/2014 20:12

I'm 5'5 and a size 14-16, and obese by bmi. I am about 3 stone heavier than I like to be (haven't been able to lose any baby weight whilst breastfeeding). On me, size 12 is overweight and 8-10 is about right. It is strange how different adults seem to hold weight so differently.

LividofLondon · 27/09/2014 20:16

Do health care professionals not use those calipers to see how much fat they can pinch? I had a physical years ago and that's how they did it (pinching the "bingo wings", under the shoulder blade, and the waist). Seemed far more accurate than BMI charts.

TeracottaTurtle · 27/09/2014 20:21

Minifingers neither of mine would fit one of those images.

Ds2 would be smaller than the first.

Ds1 is not really anything like any of them. In terms of calf and arm width, probably between 2 and 3...but his shape's just not like that at all, his stomach is flat, his arms and legs solid, not soft-looking iyswim.

wotoodoo · 27/09/2014 21:11

If you are 5'2" and over 10st and labeled obese, have chubby dc and come from a 'big boned' family used to eating junk or simply too much food, then criticising you is not going to help is it?

You don't think you or your dc are fat, end of. Criticising you is not going to improve your diet/attitude to food as eating and what you eat is definitely directly connected to mental health.

I am 5'4" and weigh 8.5 st and am a size 8/10 and would think that it is normal. But then again, most of my family and friends are slim and active so I do believe if you are surrounded by overweight people you are more likely to think that is normal.

If I was heavier I would feel sluggish and ugly. I am amazed at how fat women can be without it denting their confidence. I simply would be utterly depressed if I wasn't slim, fit and active.

I find factory produced junk food disgusting and so I can't understand why people would choose to feed/poison their dc with food designed to clog their arteries, rot their teeth and load lard on their joints so that they find running about difficult.

Having a positive mentally healthy outlook comes first I believe. It is a waste of time and patronising to listen to people harp on about how bad it is for health for them and their dc to be fat. All it is going to do is make someone even more depressed and guilty which is hardly conducive to positive mental health.

Stealthpolarbear · 27/09/2014 21:16

Op who has sent this letter?

Stealthpolarbear · 27/09/2014 21:18

Maybe the cake has taken two years to bake :o

inabranstonpickle · 27/09/2014 21:57

You would have to be a fair bit over 11 stone to be labelled obese.

10 stone for someone about 5'2 is about right. High end of a healthy BMI but still just about healthy.

I am not, at all, an advocate of greed but I am surprised by the extreme views. In my world, you can be half a stone to a stone overweight and not "fat."

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 22:10

10 stone at 5'2 would just tip into the overweight category, with a bmi of 25.6

LifesUPandLifesDOWN · 27/09/2014 22:18

I don't think this thread is real.

Lol at people having a pop at Worra because she said huge.

I'm 5'2 & last year weighed 10.11st, I was indeed huge lol! A size 14 at my height could be considered huge. I got down to 10st and felt so much better. But now I'm 10.10 again due to being 25 weeks pregnant :D

I feel a bit sorry for you Worra, many people have took it as you were calling them directly lol.

noblegiraffe · 27/09/2014 22:21

I'm feeling a bit chubby at the moment, muffin top in jeans and can pinch more than an inch. I just put my details in the NHS BMI calculator and got a BMI of 22. Confused It appears I could be pretty fat and still have a 'healthy' BMI.

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 22:22

Aww don't feel sorry for me Grin

Weight is a very emotive subject for some people and everyone's idea of huge is different.

DH saw a 'huge' spider in the bath tonight

It wasn't even the size of a 10p piece....

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 22:25

I agree noble, a healthy bmi doesn't always equal slim.

I still had a healthy bmi when I had a fat belly. I just looked like a slim person smuggling a bowling ball Grin

It's a rough tool but a popular one with the NHS

StillSquirrelling · 27/09/2014 22:29

10 stone for someone about 5'2" is about right

Sorry, I disagree with this. I'm 5'4", weigh just under 9st, and I'd feel utterly enormous if I was 10 stone. I'm not sure what clothes size that would put me in, a 12 I'd imagine, but it certainly wouldn't be a healthy weight for me and would most definitely be overweight in my book.

As for the OP - I think (if it's actually real) it's a case of head in the sand. My sister had the same with one of her children. She got sent a letter saying that her DD was obese and was on the phone to me saying how it was all awful, and how on Earth could they say that she was obese etc etc. My sister is quite a few inches taller than me but is very overweight (almost twice my weight). Her hubby is also very overweight. I am actually of the opinion that her daughter is overweight, not massively but definitely not at a very healthy weight. I think it's a case of my sister not really seeing it because of her own weight.

mimishimmi · 27/09/2014 22:33

Who sent the letter? YABU to excuse it by saying 'our family's always been a bit big'. All that generally means is that the children, through no fault of their own, have inherited their parents bad eating habits. I knew one mum who used to say the same when I was a child and her daughter (same age as me) would go down to the local chippy for her school lunches. That girl died a couple of years ago at 36 :( She didn't have a chance. Funnily enough her younger sister, who refused to eat the same food from a young age and was constantly accused by them of having an eating disorder, grew up to be tall, very slim and quite lovely actually - totally disproving the 'big bones' theory.

Bunbaker · 27/09/2014 22:34

"10 stone for someone about 5'2" is about right"

I don't think so. I am 5'7" and weigh about 9 st 7. I could get away with 10 stone but would feel rather unhealthy and my jeans would be very uncomfortable.

TooMuchCantBreath · 27/09/2014 22:43

Can I just point out that a lot of weekend rugby players are fit - and overweight. Playing the odd bit of sport doesn't mean you can't be overweight. I'd be interested in the definition of "fairly active" last time ds was declared ow by these things he trained at karate 4 times a week horse rode 4 or 5 times a week, looked after his horse 7 days a week and rode his bike to school, the yard, his mates houses etc. He had 4 of a 6 pack! If your child is like mine then feel free to throw away the letter (I did) but if they walk 500 yards to school a day and play on the wii fit once a week then maybe time to get real.

Artandco · 27/09/2014 22:47

I'm 5'4 and 8 stone. I would be 'huge' if same height and 14stone! That's virtually double my weight, ie me carrying around another person all day.
At current weight I have a bmi of 19.2 which is healthy. The calculate says at 5'4 and 14stone bmi would be 33.6 which is classified as obese

You should be able to see a child's
Ribs if they are at a healthy weight

naty1 · 27/09/2014 22:49

Clothes sizes are irrelevant. Due to muffintops.
Also the style of clothes with hipsters allows a lot of weight gain on the waist without size change. I could probably wear them pregnant.
In fact gain/loss of a stone whilst changing waist by several inches still comfortably in same jeans.
Its odd because in 80s i was average size now i seem relatively thin at same weight.
Kids are difficult they could grow loads and get much thinner (happened to DN) but if he hadnt grown so much, and what will happen after a few years?)
He was being given litre bottles of lucuzade, which i think should say that its not a soft drink nor suitable for kids. The fact he happened to grow out of it though im sure reinforced the attitute it was ok to feed him so much cakes/soft drinks/chocolate. So im concerned for DD as GPS especially FIL seem to want to feed them sweets all the time! In that i feel sorry for some parents with overweight kids as you must sometimes feel its like an argument any time you say no to GPs or relatives about sweets and have to hear' its fine they will self regulate/grow/its a treat/why not. And then go ahead and feed them despite knowing you wouldnt agree. Its like you are a misery for not wanting them to have puddings every day.
It can only get more difficult as they grow and resist because they are used to so much junk. I already said no chocolate for Xmas last year, DD is allergic to chocolate, soya but were given some anyway.

I think i will stick to no sweets given by relatives as presents because it can get so out of control ie 5 easter eggs/selection boxes for Xmas and just buy whatever ourselves.

Bunbaker · 27/09/2014 22:50

"You should be able to see a child's ribs if they are at a healthy weight"

This ^^

When I took DD to the GP a while back I said I was worried about how slender she was. The GP said she was the right weight and that we had lost sight of what a child at a healthy weight looked like. She said that most children were overweight.

RabbitOfNegativeEuphoria · 27/09/2014 22:51

In my world, I'm a millionaire, and Spurs win the league every year. Sadly, my bank manager lives in the real world, as do spurs (and more pertinently, the other teams). A stone overweight will make anyone fat. 10 stone at 5'2" is very overweight. Size 14 at 5'2" is huge. I'm 5'2" - if I was 10 stone or wearing size 14 clothes I'd be, basically, round. As so many people have pointed out - perceptions of size and weight have become hopelessly skewed in this country.

skylark2 · 27/09/2014 22:54

I'm 5'2, 44, and by no means an elite sportswoman. But I did take up a vigorous endurance sport about 18 months ago.

I'm now 3 pounds heavier than I was when I started - and have gone down from a size 14 to a size 12.

My DS was decidedly chubby in years 7 and 8, and very short. Prior to that he'd been short and skinny. Year 9 he hit puberty, shot up, and is now tall and the skinny side of average build. Nothing's really changed with his diet or exercise all through. Like Rufus said, growth spurts can make the picture rather confused.