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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to throw this letter in the bin about DS being called overweight and bake a cake instead

157 replies

iknowmychildbest · 27/09/2014 12:59

I cannot believe I've been sent a letter calling my 7 y/o Ds overweight and a patronising letter on health advice. Our families have always been quite big, and his dad plays rugby every week and is large but as fit as a butchers dog

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 14:10

Well given that 'huge' isn't an exact measurement, we all have different ideas of what it is.

And ours obviously differ.

sanfairyanne · 27/09/2014 14:11

enjoy the cake Grin

inabranstonpickle · 27/09/2014 14:11

Sirzy, nonetheless you can be obese and not 'huge' - there is a difference between 'fat' and 'huge.'

I would need to lose a stone to be a healthy BMI. If someone told me I was fat, overweight or whatever I would take it on the chin - but exaggerating, 'huge' - is unhelpful.

Obese isn't a kind word but it is factual.

Username12345 · 27/09/2014 14:13

Our families have always been quite big
I think its just muscle.

He's fat.
You're in denial.

Sort it out.

HTH.

Sirzy · 27/09/2014 14:14

Sorry but obese = huge (unless one of the very rare exceptionally muscly people) I would say in most cases people saying otherwise is denial rather than a true representation of body shape

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 14:15

How long is a piece of string?

How big is huge?

It's all subjective really. Therefore one person's 'exaggeration' will be another person's true opinion.

meditrina · 27/09/2014 14:17

I'm 5ft 6, and wear 14 when just obese, and 12 when in overweight. 10 or lower when normal/healthy.

Clothes sizes have been vanitied so far since 1980s that it is really meaningless.

BMI charts are misleading only for top flight sports people (like the national evil swimmers mentioned above) or those with really physical jobs (builders, armed forces etc). They are widely disliked however because they will say 'fat' even if you're thinking 'but I'm a 12' or 'I look fine' or 'I'm healthy right now'

meditrina · 27/09/2014 14:18

"evil swimmers" Grin as that makes it seem like sea monsters!

I meant, of course, national level swimmers

inabranstonpickle · 27/09/2014 14:20

Sirzy that is horrible.

Huge in my mind is supersize vs superskinny, plus sized clothes shops, well, huge.

Someone who is obese might be big. But why use such loaded words? Why not 'if I wore size 14 I would be obese' - I just don't see 2 stone overweight as huge.

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 14:24

I just don't see 2 stone overweight as huge.

That's exactly what I'm saying. Everyone has their own idea of what is 'huge', because it's not an exact measurement.

There is no right and no wrong here.

inabranstonpickle · 27/09/2014 14:25

Fair enough but then isn't it better to use slightly more factual language.

Huge is a very - umm, insulting word. I know you weren't insulting anybody but nonetheless, it's really quite unpleasant.

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 14:29

How can you use factual language when you're just stating your own opinion?

My original quote, "If for example someone is 5ft and a size 14, it's quite likely they are huge."

That's not a fact, so I'm not sure how you would have wanted me to express myself?

LadyLuck10 · 27/09/2014 14:29

I think we all have different views on what size is. I'm also 5'3" and to me a size 14 is huge, but then again I'm an 8 and to me that's what I feel. If I hold a size 12 pants up against me I'm drowning but to the next person it may be a normal size.
Op you can take the letter as being helpful and look into it further or you can be in denial and hope the problem goes away.

inabranstonpickle · 27/09/2014 14:32

Worra, I really have no desire to start an argument here but I am afraid I DO think the use of the word huge was pretty insulting, I accept it wasn't aimed towards at anyone in particular but nonetheless it is a loaded word and an unkind one. "If someone is 5 foot and a size 14 it is likely they are obese" isn't, i suppose because it doesn't speculate on what somebody might look like and more on the medical side of things.

I am not in denial, at all - but just the same I KNOW I am not huge!

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 14:33

Anyway, I need to go shopping now but I'm sorry if you took any of my opinions personally inabranstonpickle.

As the saying goes, 'opinions are like arse holes...everyone has them' Grin Thanks

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2014 14:34

X posted

If you know you're not huge then that's all that matters.

inabranstonpickle · 27/09/2014 14:34

Enjoy shopping :)

Avoid size 14s Grin Wink

gordyslovesheep · 27/09/2014 14:36

I'm 5ft 1" and a 12 OMG I am a whale Grin

except I am not - I am a 44 year old woman who's had 3 kids, runs three times a week, weight trains and is fit and healthy Grin clothes size is not important

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 27/09/2014 14:38

I am 5ft (nearly) and a size 16. I am too fat, but not huge. I was huge when I weighed 3 stone more 18 months ago...

Fizbo · 27/09/2014 14:41

I thought BMI wasn't meant to be used for children? Can you tell us the actual weight of your DS?

BlotOnTheLandscape · 27/09/2014 14:47

As others have said, playing sport once a week does not make you fit. One of my DCs does competitive sport six times a week (two different sports), they are extremely fit and are very muscular but not at all overweight; they are on the 85th centile for weight and 90th for height.

mommy2ash · 27/09/2014 14:56

just wanted to add i am 5 foot tall and at my heaviest I was just over 9 stone and heading into a size 14. i looked and felt huge. I looked as wide as I was tall and basically like a square. the bigger i got the shorter I looked which made it worse. I have to agree with Worra.

op where did this letter come from?

I think it can sometimes be difficult to see what is right in front of us. my dd would eat all day if she was left and recently I noticed her tummy looking more round than it should so I cut back on snacks make sure she isn't eating out of boredom and amped up her usual exercise routine. it's easily done without children noticing you don't have to make a big deal of it.

bebebringingup · 27/09/2014 14:59

YABU over weight means just that, he's heavier than he should be. As he's a child, that's your responsibility to change that and educate him. Nobody else's.

I agree you can be fat and fit but you are still putting pressure on your body (joints, heart, liver, lungs) as they are working harder to keep everything going. You can also be thin and fit but still be unhealthy due to fat around your organs if you don't manage your diet carefully.

DH is 6"6, 20 stone with a massive thorax (he will never be small), size 14 feet and a rib cage the size of our immersion heater. He exercises hard and regularly. He's also a doctor who admits that BMI is a rubbish indicator of health but it's the one the NHS use and the only one used to avoid making things too complicated.

RufusTheReindeer · 27/09/2014 15:04

fizbo

There is a different BMI for children as far as I know

Ds2 is over weight, he plays football with a team, eats the same sort of food as his "normal" siblings (rubbish) and is overweight

Trying to keep his weight steady without making too much of a fuss so the next growth spurt evens it out a bit. He is 11

KoalaKoo · 27/09/2014 15:05

Op, i dont believe pre pubescent children can increase their muscle mass, thetefore excess weight will almost always be fat.

You need to look at the uk charts and compare you childs height %ile and weight %ile.

If weight %ile is more than height then you child is likely to be a bit overweight.

One of my children is 50th%ile for both and looks perfectly proportioned, but compared with many other kids he looks quite slim. Unfortunately being a few or more pounds overweight has become normalised.

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