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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being too hard on the school?

99 replies

Rockingrobin69 · 26/09/2014 14:13

My DD has just started reception this september so I am new to the school environment and protocol. One of the children in her class is causing a lot of problems during play time, hitting, biting, scratching the other kids.

every day my dd comes home with another story about this other child, shouting "bad words" at the teacher, fighting the other kids, pinching and taunting them in the playground.

What can the teachers actually do at reception age to control this behaviour? Am I being unreasonable to think the school should be doing more than they are so this behaviour doesnt keep on happening on a daily basis? Its only three weeks into term so I am worried that I am being too judgemental.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 26/09/2014 14:14

Have you spoken to them? How do you know what they are or aren't doing?

MrsWinnibago · 26/09/2014 14:15

I think that at this age you need to be careful about taking your DDs word for it. Sometimes they exaggerate. Maybe the child in question is being assessed for special needs of some kind...maybe they're doing their best. You could go in but unless DD is being targeted personally I wouldn;t.

Original poster
Rockingrobin69 · 26/09/2014 14:25

ive spoken to the head informally and also other mothers....they are all aware of the problems and have been since week one. Maybe I am being unrealistic to think 3 weeks is long enough to deal with this at reception age

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 26/09/2014 14:35

I must warn you not to listen to gossip from other parents in the playground. Also don't engage in it when it concerns a child. It's highly unattractive behaviour and could well come back and bite you on the arse one day.

You need to speak to the teacher IF your child is being hit or otherwise attacked. In reception a lot is still being ironed out for the first term. It takes time.

Sirzy · 26/09/2014 14:38

The child has been at school 3 weeks. Some children struggle to settle into school. You don't know anything about his child, or the reason they may be behaving like that, you don't know what the school are doing.

You are basically judging the situation based on the word of a 4 year old and gossip from other parents. I hope the parents of this child can't overhear you all talking about their child.

NickiFury · 26/09/2014 14:43

Well my child ended up having autism and that took nearly three years to deal with.

Yes, agree, don't gossip, in the nicest possible way, how would you feel if everyone was nudging and whispering about YOUR child who was finding it difficult to settle for whatever reason?

deakymom · 26/09/2014 14:46

you might need to speak to an adult about this children are prone to exaggerate at this age my son told me he was locked in a corridor for hours once! turns out he lagged behind and they came back for him they were mortified when they found out what he said he wasn't even on his own!

Explored · 26/09/2014 14:49

Lots of children struggle to settle in the first few weeks, some have SN which the school will take time to identify and find the correct support for, some just need to settle in.

Gossiping about a 4yo's behaviour is nasty. Doing it based on what a 4yo tells you is madness. One day it might be your child, how would you feel if everyone was talking about you within weeks of starting a new school?

If it's directly affecting your child, go in and talk to the teacher about that. otherwise, it's nothing to do with you.

Original poster
Rockingrobin69 · 26/09/2014 14:49

Actually the conversations had were with the child in questions mother involved too. plus not just "gossip" from kids, but marks on them too, including my own. My questiion was what the school should be doing to combat this?

personally i think if a number of children are being physically marked by another child on a daily basis then they should be giving the child in question better supervision, regardless of why he is behaving like that

OP posts:
soapboxqueen · 26/09/2014 14:51

My ds has asd and is now in year 1 and we only now have a provisional statement. It's taken 2 years to get to this point. That's with everyone on board. The school do wonders but they do it without additional funding presently. My ds still lashes out etc and came home early today because it wasn't going well.

My point is that 3 weeks isn't an awfully long time but absolutely the school should be trying to minimise the impact of this child's behaviour for whatever reason it is occurring.

As pp have said, be careful of playground gossip and record any incidents involving your own child and discuss them with the teacher.

Hassled · 26/09/2014 14:52

You're right that the school has a duty of care to all the children - and it's unacceptable if one child, for whatever reasons, is routinely physically hurting others. But it is only 3 weeks - they're still all getting to know each other and the staff will be working out which strategies are most effective for dealing with the fighty child. Give it some time.

Sirzy · 26/09/2014 14:53

Unless a child has been through the diagnosis and statement process then schools rarely have enough staff to have someone watching them constantly.

Original poster
Rockingrobin69 · 26/09/2014 14:53

Disclaimer....I am not trying to be detrimental to the child or the childs parents involved.

I am just concerned that the school are not doing enough to ensure the physical incidents stop happening.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/09/2014 14:54

But you don't actually know what the school are doing so how can you make any judgement?

MrsMinton · 26/09/2014 14:55

You can ask to see a copy of the behaviour policy if you want to know how they deal with behaviour. Unless my child was being routinely hurt by the child in question though I wouldn't get involved in questioning how they are dealing with it.

amyhamster · 26/09/2014 14:56

I would trust the school to deal with it

Did you like the school when you looked right ?

You must have read their policies & trusted they know how to deal with behavioural issues before applying for the school

Heels99 · 26/09/2014 14:56

You don't know what the school are doing! Stop being so nosy!

NickiFury · 26/09/2014 14:57

So you've never talked about this four year old unless his mother was there too?

You're right of course, no children should be getting hurt or marked at school, so I see nothing wrong in a quiet word with the teacher or head but there's one or two of these children in every class and it's beyond crap being the parent, just try not to make it harder and try to be realistic (unlike my ex who demanded the expulsion of a four year old after he punched ds.)

Original poster
Rockingrobin69 · 26/09/2014 14:59

MrsMinton thank you for that suggestion about the behaviour policy I will do that!

OP posts:
SunnySomer · 26/09/2014 14:59

Realistically the school WILL be doing something. There is no way they will sit and watch this behaviour happen - they do not want the children in their classes to be hurt in this way. However, it is none of your business what they are doing. It is their business, the child's business, and the child's parents business. Even if you were to ask them, it would be inappropriate for them to tell you.

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2014 14:59

plus not just "gossip" from kids, but marks on them too, including my own.

Now see you didn't mention that your own child got hurt until your 3rd post.

That changes things entirely.

If your child is being hurt then go in and ask the school how they are going to keep her safe.

Kendodd · 26/09/2014 15:01

You don't know what the school are doing! Stop being so nosy!

Whatever the school are doing though it doesn't seem to be enough because it doesn't seem to be working if the OP's child is still being hurt.

Original poster
Rockingrobin69 · 26/09/2014 15:03

right, so this is normal then to have one or two of these per class? Thats the sort of information I am looking for. As I said in my original post, I am new to the school protocol and nothing like this was experienced in my DD's nursery. There was obviously the occasional bite, kick,punch but not on this level.

My DD has been affected twice by this and I have approached the head as I said the early part of last week. Hence my question of was I being to hard on the school to think this would have calmed down a bit in two weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rockingrobin69 · 26/09/2014 15:05

worralliberty I didnt mention my child being hurt as i didnt think it was specifically relevent to my questions in my original post. This post was aimed at the school not my or other mothers conduct in the playground!

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 26/09/2014 15:05

If my dd was in reception being bitten and scratched.... I'd be going to have a chat with the head also.

I don't blame you for being concerned