Am I being too hard on the school?

[Rockingrobin69]

My DD has just started reception this september so I am new to the school environment and protocol. One of the children in her class is causing a lot of problems during play time, hitting, biting, scratching the other kids.

every day my dd comes home with another story about this other child, shouting "bad words" at the teacher, fighting the other kids, pinching and taunting them in the playground.

What can the teachers actually do at reception age to control this behaviour? Am I being unreasonable to think the school should be doing more than they are so this behaviour doesnt keep on happening on a daily basis? Its only three weeks into term so I am worried that I am being too judgemental.

By all means complain to the school but stop gossiping with the other parents as it makes you look like a twat.

I was with a group of about eight friends the other day, one mum was telling us what a terrible time her son was having being bullied at school (secondary). He'd been bullied of the school bus so now she had to drive him, hit, kicked, punched, sent death threats and it had been going on for ages. Her sons school performance had plummeted and his GCSEs were coming up. All reported to the school but nothing ever seemed to happen to the bully and nothing ever changed. Poor mum friend was in tears, she just didn't know what to do next. Others were making suggestions and trying to comfort her.

My first thoughts weren't 'stop gossiping, you look a twat' apparently yours would be though.

Oh, and I see no reason why she should have to keep all this a secret, bear it all alone with no support from her friends, most of whom had children at the school and knew the children.

• inloominotnorti Sat 27-Sep-14 15:47:20

what a ridiculous strategy!

No this doesn't happen all the time and for a few weeks whilst the dc settle down!

I felt really sorry for him but when he stabbed my DS in the eye with a pair of scissors I had enough and went to the board of governors and threatened them with legal action.

Your lucky he didn't loose his eye sight.

The schools should have measures to put in place where on child is playing up like this ( for whatever reason), but those measures, should not include, just let the violence continues and hope nothing serious happens.

Yes, I should explain the wound was to his eye socket rather than his eyeball but I was livid. He had bite marks, bruises, it was a terrible time.

I,m very lucky that my child with ASD had his statement before he started reception he also started a special needs school in reception a few weeks ago also I,m aware that a few children that go to the mainstream school he would have gone too really struggled in the first couple of years before they were diagnosed and got a statement Its easy to say it could be special needs but in reality lots of children with undiagnosed special needs get very little help in some mainstream schools and are often labeled the naughty child .

Some of the posts are very harsh. I am new to the school gate too. It is difficult to know what the protocol is if you do not have older children. Rockingrobin69 just wants some advice on what, or what not, to do.

I would be very careful making snap judgements. The child in question may have special/behavioural/emotional difficulties that the school cannot make public knowledge. They may be undiagnosed because the parents have refused intervention (In this common situation- the school has to respect the parent & cope with an out of control child, without extra resource, funding or support)

Even if the issues are known and there is a support plan in place, changing behaviour takes time. They won't be able to discuss exactly what they are doing with other parents because of confidentiality. The one thing that makes it worse is judgement from other parents & children.Putting the school in an impossible situation of helping this child- while keeping everyone else safe.

If this school is otherwise proactive & good- trust them. Ask for advice of how to support your DD with this situation specifically. They may be able to give some clue on the difficulties & how children can avoid triggering the behaviour.

'You tend to find that due to inclusion policies and lack of funding, children that should be in a more specialist provision or should have 1-1 support from an assistant, support plans in place etc etc etc don't have because the funding doesn't allow it.'

Funding or otherwise is within the HT control. No children 'should' be in more specialist provision. The law is that all children have the right to be educated in a mainstream environment and as a state school/teacher you do not have a choice to exclude them, or the right to chose which types of children from what types of background, or with what types of disability you will get to teach.

'However, I wouldn't be discussing this with other parents. They are not the ones who can do something about this situation.'

Actually they are. Rather than 'having a word' with the teacher, write a letter to the Headteacher, mentioning this child's name. Other parents who are concerned can do this also. Make absolutely certain that nothing in your letter blames the child for the behaviour, but the school for their lack of safeguarding duty or insufficient supervision.

Though it seems harsh, the parents of this child are probably spending every waking moment of their lives trying to figure out how to get people to help their child, and most likely being fobbed off by a school unwilling to start the funding-ball rolling until the last possible minute.

Documentary evidence on the file of this child will give them ammunition they need should they ever request the school file and if the school do take their SEN role seriously it will give THEM the evidence they need to get additional funding from the LA (there are emergency funds that do not require the whole statement process though none are quick to make that known),

what Starlight said.

so this is normal then to have one or two of these per class? this is not a great way to refer to children.

'The school are most likely doing a lot to help the child settle in'

It's not about what the school are doing though. It is about OUTCOMES.
Who cares what a school DOES. It is results that matter, and this child is displaying behaviours that are unacceptable. Not only is it distressing for the other children in the class, but the longer the child acts out these behaviours, the more of a set pattern they become leading to an isolated and uneducated eventual young man/woman.

They are entitled to have their behaviour corrected/modified in order to get the best out of their education, and increase their chance of an independent life.

'They may be undiagnosed because the parents have refused intervention (In this common situation- the school has to respect the parent & cope with an out of control child, without extra resource, funding or support)'

That is not true. The system and law is based on supporting NEED not diagnosis and as such diagnosis is a helpful signpost sometimes but largely irrelevant.

Don't listen to gossip of the other mum's. that is Rule No. 1.

Also, give this child time. It's only been a couple of weeks. I bet the teacher has control over it and eventually that 'problem' child will adjust and settle into school life. He/she is just taking a little longer than some of the other children.
Give it time - at the moment it's early days.

but the longer the child acts out these behaviours, the more of a set pattern they become leading to an isolated and uneducated eventual young man/woman.

They are entitled to have their behaviour corrected/modified in order to get the best out of their education, and increase their chance of an independent life.

Yes, the voice of reason. Great points about evidence too.

letme, no one should have to wait and see whilst someone is being violent!

All the children are in a new environment and all of them will be feeling new feelings, they all have the right to go to school without fear.

My ds had a very difficult start in reception last year, a very difficult class. He has two bites and a black eye by the end of week three, and by the end of the term numerous scrams, and marks.

The bites were from a child with serious EBD. The school did what they could, even putting in a 1-1 but sometimes they just weren't quick enough. It's actually hard to stop a child from biting...if you think they are about to do something else...you need to give them the chance to do the right thing.

All incidents were dealt with appropriately and things started to settle in the second term. Anything that happened to my child, I was asked in, the incident was explained, what they were doing about it was explained and if appropriate an apology. My ds wasn't innocent all the time...a third bite was provoked by him. I tried to support the school who I felt were working hard to address all the issues, but with a very difficult year group...it was challenging.

If this child has particular SEN, then the school should be more than aware of risks to other children, and be moving to address it... ie: by getting in more classroom support. I do suggest though you do what I did and go straight in and see the the teacher to discuss it and not discuss with other mums in the playground, especially the child's parent. That can just lead to all sorts of misunderstandings.

Also, three weeks isn't long for a school to be able to turn round the behaviour of a child who has come in with that kind of behaviour. It takes a lot of time and effort...and I think it's unreasonable of you to have expected them to "sort it" by now

X

He has two bites and a black eye by the end of week three, and by the end of the term numerous scrams, and marks.

I'm wouldn't have sent my dc back for a term of this kind of treatment fiddler.

I'm intrigued - what do other parents on this thread think about fiddlers description?

Not the same child I hasten to add!

I'm horrified by those descriptions Fiddler, your poor DS, that is pretty extreme by any standard and I don't think I'd have sent my child back. Hope things are better for your DS now but that could be so traumatic for a little one and have lasting consequences.

He's fine, the school has an eclectic catchment shall we say, but I was very happy with the way things were dealt with, I should add that my ds is a very robust gregarious young man, and shrugged a lot of it off....it was me that was more AAARGH about it all.

I should also say I'm a teacher, and I so have some concept of how difficult it is to have a child like this in a class particularly if you don't have enough support...which is why I do strongly suggest you chat to the teacher to find out exactly what is going on.

Also, reading your initial post. If all the issues are at playtime, I would be looking to see how the school are supervising. Are staff on duty engaging the kids in playground games and team games together? Because that is what had to be done in my sons school, and it helped address a lot of issues with some of the wilder kids! That's if it's just a playground thing!