To think it's rude to make a point of not letting your kids watch telly when staying with someone else

[CruCru]

I have a couple of sets of friends who come to stay with us from time to time. My kids are allowed to watch the telly some of the time.

These friends order their kids out of the living room whenever they find them watching telly with my kids. AIBU to find this irritating? It makes me uncomfortable because I feel as though my choice to let the kids watch is "wrong".

I must point out that they watch CBeebies, not slasher films. I would see their point then.

If this is the only annoying thing they do, and they just remove their kids rather than telling yours to turn off the TV, I don't think they are being so rude.

I am surprised that so many people assume these friends are smug, holier-than-thou, performance parents, who deserve to never be seen again because they don't watch TV.

I am surprised that so many people assume these friends are smug, holier-than-thou, performance parents, who deserve to never be seen again because they don't watch TV.

Me too.

There are two things about television, 1) the medium itself, which can be addictive and have an adverse effect on anyone's, but particularly a child's, powers of concentration and 2) the content.

And yes, children who don't normally watch tv, do watch it more intensely, probably because they have better concentration.

It does sound OTT to forbid it in other people's houses but if your friends' are not disrupting anyone else, where is the harm to the OP?

I should think that the harm to OP is that she feels as if she is being judged. Sometimes it is better to see friends without children when parenting styles irritate.

If the friend is judgemental and makes rude remarks about what OP is doing with her kids, that's a different issue. If OP can't deal with other people making different parenting choices, that's her own issue.

Also, if these are real friends, you could have an interesting discussion about this.

I do lots of things differently from other people, and I'm sure they judge me. Sometimes I decide that they have a good point, sometimes they are annoying, sometimes it doesn't matter much, sometimes it can lead to an interesting chat.

Sorry- on a slightly different point- We didn't have a TV when our kids were small, and I used to encourage them to watch at a neighbour's house when we were over there. I was thinking that then my kids could know enough about TV not to be weirdos at school, but I wouldn't have to have the thing around the house to annoy me.

I think you actually have to build up your ability to watch TV. Not all kids who don't have one are so fascinated by it. Mine weren't.

I would be so irritated, I would probably tell them to just leave.

Fwiw, I spent large swathes of my childhood plonked in front of the telly as my busy single mum worked, and studied full-time. My dp grew up on a farm with no tv and was at least partially educated at Steiner school. As an adult, his 'screen addiction' is a lot worse than mine.

Totally extreme reaction. And TBH while I definitely agree with limiting the amount of time children spend watching television, banning it altogether is just going to set them apart from their peers and leave them in a situation where they will be unable to join in a lot of conversations etc.

All thinks in moderation.

I would just smile, nod and ignore-you can sit and wait because they are the people who will have TV obsessed children. All things in moderation is far healthier in the long run.

might be worth finding out more - a friend has had to institute a pretty much total ban on TV because her son has been suffering appalling night terrors, and it did seem to help. So that might be why, though it would be odd not to just say so (ditto sensory reasons).

MIL's DP is always desperate for DD to sample the gazillion and one kids channels they have on Sky, when I'm trying to say that either she's fine or Cbeebies is OK, thanks. Mainly because I use TV to try and calm her down!

If only there was some sort of magical device that could easily keep a bunch of children safely entertained while the adults all sit on the stoop, calmly enjoying their wine and olives, and discussing slasher films politics!
...
Oh wait.

my kids are so grumpy at other peoples houses they automatically shove cbeebies on despite the fact they don't really watch it at home im pretty sure now they are playing up just to watch the telly

i feel a bit sorry for the kids what is the issue here?

Well I did have a chat with one of the sets of friends about it. She said that they wanted them to experience things for themselves not secondhand through a screen.

I think I was particularly irritated when one of another set said "Well this isn't exact appropriate" because we had Superman on (Christopher Reeves version). This annoyed me because (1) it was one of DS's Christmas presents and (2) it was bloody Superman.

Yep really bloody rude.

I can appreciate their views, they dont like it, great....but its NOT GOING TO HARM THEM as a one off.

Much better to show the children MANNERS by being discreet and allowing it and fitting in with your kind host.

Superman is surely totally righteous, no? (never watched it, myself)

Really, watching TV and experiencing the world for oneself are not 2 mutually exclusive things, and surely the one can inform the other. And anyway, teaching DC manners is quite a good thing too, I would have thought.

What is wrong with TV in moderation? I really hate visiting someone's house when their TV is on constantly; I find it really hard to concentrate on a conversation and just don't see the point in having a TV programme on that nobody watches.

However, TV is part of our culture and there's some fantastic stuff on there. Someone up thread called it an idiot box; my instinct is to think that person is the idiot. It's like saying "all books are good" - of course they aren't. There are classic TV programmes just as there are classic films and classic books.

Yes, it's annoying having the TV on if people are trying to talk - annoying for everyone - but there's really nothing wrong with children coming home after a day on the beach and spending an hour watching TV.

DP's friend's child watched about 20 minutes of The Simpsons at our house once. Friend said repeatedly to me:

"Oooo, she's turning into a telly addict!"

I laughed at the stricken look on his face. Thought he was joking the first 5 times he said it!!

DS actually learnt loads from television.

Teaching really isn't my forte and Numberjacks and the like were fabulous for filling in those gsps.

Depends what they are watching I DO this my friend allows her 13 year old to watch anything he like of course he opts for 18 games and films and my son is not allowed to watch these types of films and games so he ends up sitting with us down stairs

I will not compromise my standards

All the posters saying op is a bad hostess, should be entertaining her guests preferences etc have you read the part where these people are essentially getting a free stay at a desirable beachside destination??!! If they dont like it how about stay in a hotel!!

It does seem over the top. If they want to do it then I suppose it is their choice providing they actually entertain their children themselves and don't leave them to run riot

thefishe OP stated it was Cbeebies they were watching not Texas Chainsaw Massacre btw my dd DID watch that film aged 13 at a sleepover so in order to keep your standards intact you need to keep a close eye. Dd didn't sleep for a night or two but there have been no lasting effects

YANBU, these people are treating your home like a hotel. I used to live in a seaside town and found that people do tend to see you as free accommodation for a cheap holiday.