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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude to make a point of not letting your kids watch telly when staying with someone else

103 replies

CruCru · 25/09/2014 18:25

I have a couple of sets of friends who come to stay with us from time to time. My kids are allowed to watch the telly some of the time.

These friends order their kids out of the living room whenever they find them watching telly with my kids. AIBU to find this irritating? It makes me uncomfortable because I feel as though my choice to let the kids watch is "wrong".

I must point out that they watch CBeebies, not slasher films. I would see their point then.

OP posts:
Original poster
CruCru · 25/09/2014 19:18

Janek - I do see your point of people are coming for the day but these people come for a few days. We do a lot of activities (trips to farm, beach, parks etc) but when we get in, we switch the telly on for a bit to give the kids (and us) a rest.

OP posts:
TheBogQueen · 25/09/2014 19:22

It's the rays from the TV scrambling the Children's brain waves

You don't realise because you've already been sucked into the brain wave vortex

whycantifindaname · 25/09/2014 19:33

YABU. If they do not want their children to watch TV it is fine to remove them from the room. I actually think you are being a bit rude to continue to turn the TV on when you know your guests do not allow it. Would it kill your kids to unglue for a few days whilst you have guests.

I wouldn't do it myself, but I don't think there is any thing terrible about a complete TV ban, depending on the children's ages. Totally ok for young children.

rembrandtsrockchick · 25/09/2014 19:36

I have not had a TV for thirty years...I cannot bear the damn things.

BUT...I love watching children's TV with my grandchildren when I visit them. They explain everything very patiently and don't laugh when I get confused by the plots on Pepper Pig.

Your friends are being just a bit precious.

MaryWestmacott · 25/09/2014 19:38

You mention trips to the beach, have you, perchance, settled in a part if the world that's a holiday destination? Could it be, like many people who visit regularly friends who happen to live in holiday destinations, are they just after a cheap break? Do you stay with them for a similar length of time as regularly?

They sound rude and ungracious, stop inviting them to stay.

Original poster
CruCru · 25/09/2014 19:40

I've never stayed with them. Yes, I live in a holiday destination and am happy to have people stay. I just need them to fit in with us.

One of the problems with having people to stay a lot of the time is that you have to adapt to lots of different sets of needs. Over the summer we had five sets of visitors in three weeks.

OP posts:
Brodicea · 25/09/2014 19:41

I have a friend who disapproved of me going to a baby screening because I would be exposing my DD to 'the screen', and switched the TV off when our babies were drawn to it (3 month olds) but plays youtube stuff to her baby all the time!

Buscake · 25/09/2014 19:45

My brother in law puts the tv on a lot to occupy his kids-fair enough, mine watch it every evening while I sort out tea! But when we stay with him it gets to be too much for my eldest who has sensory issues, so I have done what your friends do and take our girls outside/away if it is on for too long. It has too big an effect on her for me to just leave it unfortunately. Maybe this is part of their reasoning? I would definitely appreciate it if he thought more about how it affects our children, and the most recent time I did say 'she just can't handle watching so much tv all the time' before we went out. A bit passive aggressive but I didn't want a fight over it, just a bit of consideration to do things differently while we were there.

DanyStormborn · 25/09/2014 19:45

They are being rude. Within reason when staying with people you should go by their rules and a bit of TV is reasonable. They can just explain to the kids when they get home that there is still no TV at home because that's the rule at their house and it's different from the rules at your house - simple. I don't get why they are making things difficult and awkward for everyone at your house.

peltata · 25/09/2014 19:46

The thing that gets me about people who have a TV ban is they think they are morally superior and bore you with all the other "cultural" stuff they do instead. However when they visit us their dcs are irresistibly drawn to the TV like a moth to a flame often refusing to leave much to their parents embarrassment . We have some friends who have a TV ban but watch programmes on inlayer and claim this is somehow different from watching the goggle box Hmm

peltata · 25/09/2014 19:47

inplayer damn the autocorrect!

catkind · 25/09/2014 19:49

If someone doesn't want their kids watching TV or watching particular programmes then that's their choice. Given you know they don't watch TV, you're being a bit rude putting the TV on in front of them without warning. Quietly taking their children somewhere else seems like a reasonable way for them to deal with it. You wouldn't feed meat to vegetarian children, why feed TV to non-TV-watching children? We might not agree with their choice, but it is their choice to make.

Why not say as you come in the door: "I'm going to put half an hour of cbeebies on for our kids while I get dinner on". Then they can say, "OK, we'll take ours into the other room and do a jigsaw" and everyone's happy.

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers · 25/09/2014 19:52

Yanbu, I'd stop inviting them

redskybynight · 25/09/2014 19:52

Personally, I think it's rude to have the TV on if you have guests. If the DC must watch TV, I'd expect it to be in a room where the guests weren't (especially if they are watching CBeebies, which is hardly on for their entertainments - it would be different if you were all watching a show together).

Andrewofgg · 25/09/2014 19:57

I would not have stood for this when DS was small. On the other hand we expected other people's children to respect our rule of no TV when the adults are socialising - there was no idiot-box in DS's room till he was, I think, 17.

I remember with glee DW's cousin arriving one Saturday with DH and sons, the eldest then about eight. As I opened the door he said

Hello, can we watch the A-Team?

No, [name], we don't watch it here.

Aww.

Parents' mortified faces live in the memory!

PunkrockerGirl · 25/09/2014 20:33

YANBU. They are being ridiculously precious as well as downright rude. If they can't fit in with you and your family then I'd be telling them to feck off somewhere else for a free break by the sea. It's cbeebies ffs. And good luck to them with the tv ban when their precious dc become teenagers.

micah · 25/09/2014 20:35

If they're that horrified by tv exposure, they should choose not to come round and visit when they know your house rules.

whois · 25/09/2014 20:37

Very rude and very irritating!

whois · 25/09/2014 20:41

I have to disagree here - if we are invited to someone's house I expect we are invited because they want to talk to the grownups/play with the children. Why were we invited if you were just going to stick the tv on? You can do that without us there.

Yeah for an evening. No for an extended trip! You can't 'play' every minute for a week long trip can you?

MaryWestmacott · 25/09/2014 20:49

You need to watch this, you will end up wasting your summer, effectively running a guest house.

You have small children, they are coming to stay in a family home, not a hotel, they have to fit in with the children of the house, otherwise it's not fair on your DCs.

I wouldn't invite them next summer. If they want to stay in your town, let them book a hotel and you'll meet up for days out and the occasional dinner at yours, not staying in your home.

Think about your DCs summer memories, do you want it to be just full of a procession of their parents friends rocking up for a freebie? If you live in a holiday place, you do need to be careful about the freeloaders, particularly the ones who don't just fit in with your family.

MomOfABeast · 25/09/2014 20:50

I have a pretty much blanket ban on TV for my two year old. Where I live it's not advised before three because there's a fair amount of research to show that it affects brain development (you essentially get a flood of dopermine while being totally passive so it becomes addictive). Since ADHD runs in my family I'm fairly keen to do all I can to improve concentration. Aso my son gets totally addicted and his behavior really suffers when he does watch any do it's more trouble than its worth. By the time he's at school he'll almost definitely end up watching it a bit but I'd like to hold off as long as I can.

That said I know I'm being much more careful than average and I certainly don't judge parents who allow screen time. If I were your friends I'd prefer he didn't watch TV but for a short while I'd just suck it up, if it was for longer i might try to tactfully suggest to the kids that they do something else (which is kind of the point of visiting friends anyway). (This is all based on a toddler though for older kids I'd never say anything).

FishWithABicycle · 25/09/2014 20:52

YANBU - it's very rude.
Our TV is hardly ever on but I make absolutely no comment if there is a tv on in someone elses house

rainbowinmyroom · 25/09/2014 20:54

Stop inviting these wanky people to stay!

Osmiornica · 26/09/2014 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mollypup · 26/09/2014 08:35

What is wrong with a bit of tv?!

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