My work colleague (same role, we even share an office) has, I think, had a bit of a crush on me for a while. Lots of long stares at me in meetings, always tries to create scenarios where he and I would be alone, sits opposite me at every opportunity (meetings, social events, lunchtime) and makes borderline inappropriate comments (you should come and live with me).
I am happily in a long term relationship, we live together with our kids from previous relationships and I think I give off nothing but unflirtatious vibes towards my office mate. Nonetheless, he persists.
Yesterday I helped him work out a piece of software - firstly over the phone - to which his reaction was "thank you thank you I love you I love you I love you". Odd in itself as we are very senior civil servants working in a very serious govt department and we do not have that sort of working relationship - it's a very formal place. Then, he came to find me later (as I sit in with different colleagues to work on a new project for a day a week) to thank me again.
Note: I am NOT the only person who knows how the software works and he had been allocated another colleague (who knows it far better than I do) to assist him - she was in the office and could have helped him - but he chose to ask me.
I quickly ran through it again for him - he was standing behind me - and once done, he said "can I hug you?" I said "no!", then "NO!" again and for a third time "NO!" but he put his arm across my chest and squeezed, with his head against my neck. I was shaking with rage as I said "NEVER do that again." My colleagues were shocked at what had just happened and I immediately went up to HR to seek advice.
I was told that he has form for this, and that I should stay away from him - especially where alcohol might be present - and not be on my own with him. REALLY??? He shouldn't be told to control himself - it's on ME to ensure it doesn't happen again??!!
Then I got an email from him, apologising for the hug, saying he had been having a bad day and that he's not DLT. My reaction: regardless of what sort of day you are having, if a colleague says "no" to physical contact, you respect that. Added to the very creepy behaviour I have endured for almost 2 years from him (none of which admissible), I want to deal with this but not sure how.
Should I reply to his email, copying in HR, saying that he should respect my personal and professional boundaries? Or should I force HR to deal with it as clearly similar has happened before? I discovered today that he has been taking one of our most junior (we are the most senior) female members of staff out for cosy pub lunches - she told me herself as we were having lunch together and she said how different it was to just grab a wrap and have a chat rather than have to sit in a pub for an hour or more. So I'm now concerned that he may be starting on her and taking advantage of her inability to say no to one of the "bosses".
What would you all do if you were me?