to want to never do anything for my 2 dc ever ever again. Inc no dinner tonight.

[staples]

So 2 dc started a sports club (last year) (at their begging). Costs quite a bit annual fee. I took them most times in the beginning because I had an appointment in that direction so it fit well time/route. I no longer have this appointment and they (14 and 15) are more than capable of going on the bus.

They haven't been for ages (summer holidays, clashes etc). dc1 had major tantrum last week about getting bus. He didn't go. He is angry about having to get bus cos it's longer. I explain why should I drive him, sit around for 1.5 hours and drive him back just to save him say 20 minutes?

So, this week, same again, except both dc having this tantrum. Ds2 usually gets grumpy but once he's used to the idea is all smiles and ok. Not this week. Ds1 however really massive tantrum inc throwing his sports stuff all over the entrance floor (and leaving it there so the entire entrance is covered in his crap.

I suppose at least they went.

but I am so angry they expect me to run around after them. Maybe I have been too soft/a bit of a mug. I don't think I've been that bad, truly. I wouldn't describe myself as a doormat at all. They have to help out and do jobs. It's just, like in this example, it was no real inconvenience for me to take them, now it is, and they are TANTRUMMING and genuinely seem to think I should give up 3 hours of my time to save them a bus journey which isn't much longer than the car journey.

So how do I respond, other than murder. I feel so angry. I can't even think of any consequence - confiscating phone is just nightmare for me as often need to get hold of them. Tried changing wifi password but that was just a total pita for me coven the tv is on it and spent the entire bloody evening last time cos the router went funny. And the printer still isn't happy. Fuming at the total lack of respect and outright anger and fury they thought it was ok to dish out to me. I want to really stamp this out.

God, poor you, and it definitely won't be anything you've done, teenagers are just a law unto themselves!

If they're not going, why are you paying for it? I'd stop paying since they obviously don't want to go. If they want to go they can earn money by either getting a job (if they're old enough) or doing chores around the house.

How old are they?

At 14/15 they are massively ungrateful and really too old to be having tantrums. And before anybody says 'that's just teenagers', I really don't think so. Not all, in fact most teens I know are not like this.
They behave this way because they're allowed to. Cut off all spending money, ps, xbox, cell contracts etc. They have no respect for you.

I wouldn't stand for this, at all. I'd tell them that they either get themselves to the activity or you will work out pro-rata how much of the annual fee they are wasting and take it out of their pocket money until it is repaid to you. If turning off the wifi is difficult I would simply remove the equipment, ipad/game system etc until they have demonstrated a return to good manners.

I'd also sit down and calmly discuss that it is NOT appropriate for them to behave in this manner and that it will not be tolerated.

I don't tolerate tantrums in the slightest, not from a toddler or a teen.

I would be tempted to tell them they either go by bus without complaining or you will cancel it. You also will not be paying for any other club in the future. The money that you have already spent on the club will need to be paid back. Either in chores or pocket money.

Well, we already had to pay the annual fee on joining as well as kitting them out for the sport. No ongoing costs, but we've already shelled out loads. They really enjoy it when they are there. They just seem to think that I should provide chauffeur services at their beck and call. ds1 even stood there DEMANDING a train ticket. I wanted to tell him to fuck off tbh. But then he wouldn't have gone and would have won? I feel like it's lose-öose whatever I do with him.

You're right. they have no respect for me. They wouldn't dare behave like that if their dad was here. ds1 has a paper round and is absolutely minted, I can't use money against them, the phone thing like I said usually causes me a huge problem.

I am really upset. ds1 is like night and day. especially when he's not tired or hungry or with his brother, he's lovely. hunger, tiredness or sibling = totally evil. ds2 is usually sweet. Feel really gutted. Actually they made me feel totally powerless. Ds 1 has a phone but other than that, no ps, I can't see what I can do that would hurt.

But what do I do tonight? Not cook them dinner? Send them to their rooms (like they'd care)?

Oh and take away control pads for any gadgets. A woman I work with regularly brings her sons play station games into work when he should be revising.

Cancel it. If they don't want to go, fine. Give them some chores to do around the house instead.

Okay. This is going to sound manipulative. Because it is.

Sit them down and tell them how their behaviour has made you feel. Real guilt trip time. If you can cry then all the better.

Not something I'd recommend as a first try but if nothing else works then do this. They are old enough to know that you are human too.

Take away phones when they are in the house with you. Take away games. And yes, cook yourself a lovely meal and let them get their own dinner, they are old enough.

For a start, he should contribute some portion of his paper round money if he wants you to cart him around.
They're 15 and 14, old enough to make a sandwich or heat some beans for supper so leave them to sort themselves out. In fact they should once in a while prepare supper. You should not be taken for granted like this.

I wouldn't try to guilt trip them, I would rather appear strong and in control.

I'm clearly lazy or boring or maybe both ... cos I'd see one and half hrs in car with book as great!

truthfully tho, the way u phrased it I didn't like, it sounded as if you'd only give them a lift anywhere if it completely suited you. They r your children - I'd be inclined as not seeing it as a big deal, esp if they've homework etc. . is there any possibility they're wrecked after sports?

Say that you will stop all future lifts to anywhere, if they can't accept that lifts are a favour.

If they don't understand that any lifts at all are a favour full stop, then they don't get any at all until they do understand. They need to learn to be grateful for anything extra that you do for them.

If you don't actually run them anywhere else, then apply the same to cooking meals or other things you do for them.

Either way they should pay you back the money you will have wasted if they don't get there themselves.

I don't give them any other lifts anywhere.

I did wonder if I should do my 'motherly duty' and take them. I literally don't take them anywhere else for anything. If I could sit on my bum reading a book for that time ith would be great. But I have a younger dc (6) who I would have to drag along with me and that's no fun. at all. not for them. not for me.

Ds1 is particularly tired and busy on a Wednesday. I guess I could look at seeing if he can or will re-jig some things.

I want to be strong and firm and ruthless with this cos I am seriously angry. And I don't want the same battle ever again, never mind every Wednesday.

I'm not at teenage stage yet but some ideas that could help?

Assuming they have smart phones, buy cheap PAYG, ugly and uncool 'punishment phones' and only put essential phone numbers in it.

Disconnect or remove gadgets in bedroom, replace with books.

Allow internet time for homework, switch off router after (til bedtime!)

Find their currency and trade in it wisely.

Work out how much a taxi would charge and add to that a babysitting rate for the 6yo...no refunds for cancelled classes because you were too busy acting like a 2yo to go.

Tonight, I certainly wouldn't be including them in the takeaway you're treating yourself to.

My DC used to do sports clubs. Even if there was transport I used to take them - the transport would have added a huge chunk of time to their day which would have been needed for homework. School was pretty intense so they were knackered before they started.

I used to combine it with supermarket shopping so it was useful.

I think it's hard that you used to do lifts when it suited you and now they have to take themselves if they are tired (and hungry?). However, there is no excuse for the behaviour.

Can you sit down all together and discuss how it's going to work? And if you do agree to lifts then they need to do something in return to earn them.

I see where you are coming from, nanny. It wouldn't add a huge chunk of time onto their journey, maybe about 20 minutes. If I took them it would mean I would have to leave at say 4.30 and not get in till after 7. Which means I wouldn't be able to cook dinner and I'd have to bring my youngest dc and we wouldn't eat till say 7.45 and bed time is 8 and it makes the evening massively stressful.

But I am prepared to be told I should take my dc. Just what's the best solution for youngest?

I will try to have discussion tonight.

I appreciate hearing different pov.

No don't take them. It totally cocks up your evening and you need to teach them independence.

Don't give way to this. There is no good reason why they can't get the bus. They are highly inconsiderate of you. Yup to confiscating phones etc

it sounded as if you'd only give them a lift anywhere if it completely suited you.

I think that's rubbish. It's not as though they're stranded without the lift. It's a lot of hassle for the OP with a long waiting time and a younger child to look after. And 'wrecked'? Please. I spent my childhood and teenage years either cycling or busing and walking everywhere.

They're the OP's children, yes, but equally she is their parent and they should be treating her better than tantrumming . They're too old to behave like that, anyway.

OP, I'd just tell them that if they don't go for an agreed number of sessions, or over an agreed number of days/weeks/whatever, you'll cancel their membership and, if they want to rejoin, they can pay for themselves.

And if you don't already have a house rule about them sometimes making dinner for everyone, I'd start one. After letting them fend for themselves tonight while you make something nice for yourself.

Theyre old enoufh for a good old fashioned guilt trip! Explain to them that you have to work x hours for them to go, that the money could otherwise be spent on the house/yourself but you are willing to pay it if it means they have hobbies etc.
Explain that you work very hard and are also tired and after dealing with xyz in work, you really dont need teenagers acting like a pair of babies. If they really refuse to go then they can earn the money you paid back by doing 2 hours cleaning each every weds night on top of their regular chores.

I am sorry, I can offer no advice. Although I think they need a dose of the GrowUps. Can't they gethe bus there and perhaps a mini cab home?
I don't have these problems with my teen. Oh no, I am just being ignored tonight for some reason. Perfectly fine after school, now I am persona non grata.
Ah, the joys.

At 14 & 15 of course they should go themselves.

Next time don't even mention it, tell them in the morning remember u will be getting bus to club later, then don't engage, ignore the tantrums etc, walk away from them, do not let it bother you.
In future don't pay for anything like that again.