to want to never do anything for my 2 dc ever ever again. Inc no dinner tonight.

[staples]

So 2 dc started a sports club (last year) (at their begging). Costs quite a bit annual fee. I took them most times in the beginning because I had an appointment in that direction so it fit well time/route. I no longer have this appointment and they (14 and 15) are more than capable of going on the bus.

They haven't been for ages (summer holidays, clashes etc). dc1 had major tantrum last week about getting bus. He didn't go. He is angry about having to get bus cos it's longer. I explain why should I drive him, sit around for 1.5 hours and drive him back just to save him say 20 minutes?

So, this week, same again, except both dc having this tantrum. Ds2 usually gets grumpy but once he's used to the idea is all smiles and ok. Not this week. Ds1 however really massive tantrum inc throwing his sports stuff all over the entrance floor (and leaving it there so the entire entrance is covered in his crap.

I suppose at least they went.

but I am so angry they expect me to run around after them. Maybe I have been too soft/a bit of a mug. I don't think I've been that bad, truly. I wouldn't describe myself as a doormat at all. They have to help out and do jobs. It's just, like in this example, it was no real inconvenience for me to take them, now it is, and they are TANTRUMMING and genuinely seem to think I should give up 3 hours of my time to save them a bus journey which isn't much longer than the car journey.

So how do I respond, other than murder. I feel so angry. I can't even think of any consequence - confiscating phone is just nightmare for me as often need to get hold of them. Tried changing wifi password but that was just a total pita for me coven the tv is on it and spent the entire bloody evening last time cos the router went funny. And the printer still isn't happy. Fuming at the total lack of respect and outright anger and fury they thought it was ok to dish out to me. I want to really stamp this out.

I'd actually compromise on the lift if they negotiated politely.

"mum it's dark at 7pm, can you collect us on the return trip please, we'll help with bedtime for dd if you can...".

But hearing about your eldest swearing and shoulder barging around, he sounds like he bullies you and the family. I'd come down bloody hard on that.

Confiscation of phone lasts for the same length of time - while he is 'good', for the same length of time as he was moody. So if he sulks for a solid day, then the confiscation only 'starts' when he has stopped sulking and is actually a 'nice' child for a day. (So effectively it's confiscated for twice the length of the tantruming/sulking).

This behaviour needs dealing with and NOW.

Shoulder barging is physical force. That is Not On At All. You must be very clear with him about that. It is not negotiable and he must understand that he is old enough to be punished by the law.

IMO you need to have a serious rethink about this.

At 14 and 15 they are too old for punishments. If you are still using punishment to control behaviour then something has gone wrong IMO.

At this age they should be slowly but surely making their way into adult status in the household. So, it shouldn't be the case that they're demanding things from you and you're controlling them - that's entirely the wrong dynamic, and your DS1 is pushing against it (in a really bad way).

Respect needs to be built on both sides.

I think you need a clean slate and you need to totally recalibrate the way you and your DS1 in particular relate to each other or things are going to go severely downhill.

If you would like advice on how to do that, I can help.

I'd sit them down and tell them they have 2 choices.

1. They can choose to make their own way their and you'll continue to pay the fees.
2. They can stop going, and you'll cancel their memberships because you don't want to pay money for nothing.

As for the tantrums - every time they have one they loose something. Either screen time, they get grounded, extra chores et.. but make dam sure you enforce it.

As for the sports kit - anything left strewn over the floor in this house (whether thrown in temper or just left because no one could be bothered to pack it away) disappears for a week or so.
When it's owner tries to reclaim it they are told that it's been confiscated because abandoning your stuff like that means you're not looking after it so you will loose it for a while. Once you've had their favourite toys / possessions locked away for a week or 2 they guard them with their lives once they are returned - including putting them away after having finished playing with them.

I wouldn't give in on the lifts. Let them get the bus, good practice for when they are older.

The shouting, barging - I would wonder if there is something else going on in his life that is making him so unreasonable - girlfriend stuff, bullying, fear of failure at school??