left home alone with baby on my birthday

[littlejolee]

it's my birthday on saturday, and for the first time in five years it's on a weekend and i have it off. My problem is, my partner is leaving me alone all all day with our baby (nearly one) to help his sister move and isn't even taking me out anywhere or doing anything with me in the evening. Or the next day. Or the friday before. He said there was no point because i just complained that we weren't doing anything on the day. I did but only bc his sister has loads of friends who could help her move, he doesn't have to, but instead of spending my birthday with me he's spending it with her. Nevermind that i didn't even get a birthday last year (baby bday is v close to mine) or it's the first chance we've had to spend it together in years. I'm getting left at home alone with the baby, just like every other day of the last 12 months. i don't think it's fair and im really upset

You poor thing, that sounds shit. No advice re how to deal with arsehole dp, but can you plan something nice to do with you and the baby? A nice treat like a day at the zoo/seaside? Not ideal but at least it will stop you sitting at home feeling depressed?

I suppose his sister could schedule the move for another weekend?
Or pay for hired help?

Or shit as it is to not be celebrated on one specific day, maybe you just need to find a grip?

Id be livid and guilt tripping massively tbh, do you have any mates to go shopping or something with? Do not stay at home all day, his refusal to make up for it would be a dealbreaker for me.

Well, the frequency at which your birthday falls on a weekend is the same for everyone (except Feb 29thers) so you don't get special pleading there

I think you're being little precious. It's wonderful that your partner wants to help his sister move, how lovely of him. And, you know, it's just a birthday.

I suspect the underlying issue is less about birthdays and more about 12 months of no dates/etc. Just make plans for another weekend - do you have a babysitter available?

Having said that, I think the birthday thing is just the straw that broke the camels back, if you generally feel like this. You had high hopes for your birthday being any different, but it isnt, not when you are in a relationship where you are not prioritized.

Why are you accepting this from your dp? And the comment about the last year is worrying. You need to demand more, what sort of partner doesn't make a bit of a fuss on your birthday? Can you organize something with your family and friends? Throw a tea party that's baby friendly. But you need to think about your relationship and why you're accepting this from him, I agree, he doesn't have to help his sister move, even so why can't she return the favour by babysitting so you can go out together? Moving doesn't take the whole day.

Second the idea to get out and do something yourself. Do you have friends with whom you could spend the day, someone else to fuss over the baby while you have coffee/lunch? Otherwise you could tell him that, as he's not interested in spending the day with you, you have made your own plans and he is looking after the baby. Let's see how that fits in with his house-moving arrangements!

Although I can understand it doesn't feel too good and you had higher expectations, this sort of situation is pretty much how it is for grown ups. Perhaps try to arrange something not necessarily near your birthday. Otherwise, like most people, it's a case of getting on with real life.

Did he offer to do something another day and you rejected it because you thought it should be on your birthday itself, it's not very clear in your op why you aren't going out say friday night.

But the OP can't arrange any thing for another day because her "D"P says there is not point as she complained about not doing anything on the actual day! So whatever she arranges and whenever is not going to happen?

Did you actual complain when he tried to make arrangements for another day or is he just saying that?

I would go mental! Are you mates with his sister? Can't you and baby go along to help with the move and have cake/prosecco for lunch with DP and sis? Then as a thank you for helping move, get sis to babysit and you guys go out?

Take you baby out for a VERY expensive day and lunch together.

That's what I would do.

Can you go out with someone else for a lovely lunch?

Then when he comes home there is no dinner for him, because you are "so stuffed from the lovely birthday lunch that DFriend treated me to" (even though you actually paid for yourself).

It's unclear what the sister's house move involves though. If she is moving a long distance with a houseful of furniture, I think the idea of her babysitting or being able to stop for prosecco at lunchtime is probably a bit optimistic!

i had said i wanted to do something on my actual birthday bc it's the first time in about 7 years that we've had the chance to spend the day together with one or both of us not in work. when he said he was helping his sister move on her birthday even though she has plenty of people who could help her (she's only going from flat to flat, has already arranged transport with fil's car and he would literally just be moving boxes) i got a bit upset tbh, i honestly thought that he might have least said something like sorry i need to help her but why don't we all go out together in the evening then but no he said 'oh i was just going to take you to wetherspoon for something to eat on sunday instead'.
i was still pretty pissed of at this point and said well it would have been nice to do something on my actual birthday for the first time in years and he said well we just won't do anything then

Don't really get the big deal with adult birthdays. I'm quite happy to let mine pass unacknowledged. or a home card from the children. its just another day. Just go out with your baby and have a lovely day together.

she's also not moving long distance, manchester to liverpool it's 40 min on the motorway with one car load of stuff and no furniture

Ahh so he did suggest something just not in your actual birthday?

Oh yanbu! How absolutely uncaring of him. You shouldn't have to ask this of him, he should know. And it's not a 'man' thing that he wouldn't understand, my DH wouldn't do this to me. Was he always this way and if so why do you accept it?

Yeah, Wetherspoons on the Sunday doesn't sound great...

Second the comment from OPs re. Making the day your own and you and the baby doing something lovely with friends / family. I am either at work or my DH plays cricket if birthday falls on a Saturday, so usually celebrate not on the actual day. It's just a number, after all.