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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

left home alone with baby on my birthday

79 replies

littlejolee · 24/09/2014 10:27

it's my birthday on saturday, and for the first time in five years it's on a weekend and i have it off. My problem is, my partner is leaving me alone all all day with our baby (nearly one) to help his sister move and isn't even taking me out anywhere or doing anything with me in the evening. Or the next day. Or the friday before. He said there was no point because i just complained that we weren't doing anything on the day. I did but only bc his sister has loads of friends who could help her move, he doesn't have to, but instead of spending my birthday with me he's spending it with her. Nevermind that i didn't even get a birthday last year (baby bday is v close to mine) or it's the first chance we've had to spend it together in years. I'm getting left at home alone with the baby, just like every other day of the last 12 months. i don't think it's fair and im really upset

OP posts:
TrisisFour · 24/09/2014 10:53

Do you have some nice friends that you could meet up with? Maybe lunch with friends if you could find someone to look after the baby for a couple of hours? Invite friends around to yours for a DVD and take away in the evening (tell DP to stay at his sister's house and help her unpack).

I still love my birthday (I don't give a rat's ass that I'm an adult) and still expect to be given a bit of consideration for it. I always try and do 'something' for DH although he never takes his birthday off work so it's difficult to arrange something really nice.

But I feel for you OP, sounds crap...

KittenOverlord · 24/09/2014 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucked · 24/09/2014 10:55

Well having moved from flat to flat it is a lot of work, it is pretty exhausting. I also think it is one of those things which you would feel it is an imposition to ask friends but it is okay to ask family.

Tell him you want to do something on the Sunday and that you won't find it acceptable if you font get a card. If he says no tell him he is looking after baby for the day and book yourself into a day spa but don't tell him what you plan to do just make it clear he is at home alone with baby as you were on the Saturday.

Jinglebells99 · 24/09/2014 10:55

It sounds like he is treating you like a child which is what would get me. Why does he get to decide if you go out for your birthday or not?!

Fortheloveofminions · 24/09/2014 10:56

Go along too and take cake, being a grown up is shit, especially if you leave boys to sort stuff out.

Gen35 · 24/09/2014 11:00

So you signposted this year was a special birthday and he ignored it and you definitely could have gone out in the evening of your actual bday, and he could have made a fuss of you before helping her by breakfast in bed etc. but decided he was going to offer a rubbish meal the next evening? He's not trying. I don't think you are being at all u. I'm a fully paid up member of the grow up and keep it all in perspective club while not being a martyr and I would be upset - but as I said, you have deeper issues because it sounds as though he's ignoring you. You need to find a regular babysitter for couple time and fix this going forward.

KellyElly · 24/09/2014 11:02

Come on OP, are you new to MN? Never ever EVER post (especially not in AIBU) that you want to celebrate your birthday as an adult, even recognise your birthday over the age of around ten, don't expect presents, cards, if it's your child's birthday don't expect presents for them or anyone except absolute immediate family to attend because that would make you entitled, grabby and needy Grin

SaucyJack · 24/09/2014 11:03

I spent my birthday in Wetherspoon's. Beats Pizza Hut or most other places you can take a baby in with you.

Stop cutting off your nose to spite your face.

maras2 · 24/09/2014 11:05

This has to be the most unkind thing for someone to do this to someone that they profess to love.YANBU.I hope that he reconsiders but anyway,here's my best wishes for your birthday.Flowers Cake Wine and Tardis Use it yourself to go somewhere lovely,or shove Mr.Misery Guts in it < unprimed and alone > Grin

Viviennemary · 24/09/2014 11:07

Why can't you just celebrate on a different day. I honestly can't see the big deal of having to do something special on that particular day.

CromerSutra · 24/09/2014 11:11

I'm not a massive birthday person by any means and prefer a small celebration rather than a huge event but the lack of effort displayed here would piss me off. I must admit DW is way better at playing treats than I am but I'd never agree to doing something on her birthday without thinking of her first and coming up with some sort of treat. Yanbu.

CromerSutra · 24/09/2014 11:11

Planning treats.

FelineLou · 24/09/2014 11:11

Remember to take him to Wetherspoons on his birthday or near it. Revenge served cold.

bronya · 24/09/2014 11:12

Go out, meet some friends and have a lovely day with your DC. Nice lunch perhaps, shopping trip?

Original poster
littlejolee · 24/09/2014 11:13

because this is the first time in years i have had the chance to have my birthday on my birthday and getting upset that it STILL isn't happening has lead to me getting nothing out of him. despite the fact that last years birthday i did absolutley nothing.

OP posts:
quietbatperson · 24/09/2014 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 24/09/2014 11:15

Meet up with friends. Do you have many? Much more reliable than most men.

mellicauli · 24/09/2014 11:17

On the day he should be cherishing you, he's punishing you. That is pretty shit. YANBU - he is doing this not because this is unavoidable but to hurt you.

In the short term, you need to find some friends and family to spend the day however you want.

In the long term, you need to discuss better ways you can raise grievances and differences of opinion with each other.

Bakeoffcakes · 24/09/2014 11:26

I'd be upset too I think. Like you say it's not that you're asking him to spend all day with you. A few hours in the evening would be fine. He's being an arse!

As others have said you ended to take ot in your own hands and plan something for yourself. I'd also tell your H that he's really upset you with this.

BathshebaDarkstone · 24/09/2014 11:36

Not because I have a shitty DP (I don't), but because I wanted to, on my birthday 2 years ago when DS was nearly 1 (his birthday's 9 days after mine), the DCs and I went to McDonalds for lunch and he had his first ever happy meal. The weather was horrible and we ended up moving indoors out of the wind and rain (mid-August! Shock) but we all enjoyed ourselves. That fitted our budget, whatever fits yours. Smile

QuintessentiallyQS · 25/09/2014 10:29

because this is the first time in years i have had the chance to have my birthday on my birthday and getting upset that it STILL isn't happening

Adults throwing their rattles out of their pram over a birthday seem really immature though.

notagainffffffffs · 25/09/2014 11:05

Birthdays are for everyone imo! Sometimes you have to do your own organising though. Find yourself a babysitter (sil? ;)) and tell him you want to go out for tea on Saturday night.

WeeClype · 25/09/2014 11:07

I agree with Saucy.....you are cutting your nose off to spite your face!

hellsbellsmelons · 25/09/2014 11:14

I don't think OP is cutting off her nose here.
She just said it would be nice to do something on her actual birthday.
He was the one who threw his toys out and has now withdrawn anything at all.

OP, please go to family or friends on your birthday. Celebrate with someone else.
He sounds like a complete knobber I'm afraid.
Tell him you have other plans and he can do what he wants but you will be out.

glenthebattleostrich · 25/09/2014 11:17

I do everything in the house most of the year. I organise Christmas, Easter, DD's birthday and the summer holiday so if DH can't pull his finger out for one day of the year then yes I get pissed off.

I don't give a shit if randoms on the internet think it is childish or not, it is the one day of the year it is nice for people to give a shit and put you first.

OP, take you 1 year old out for the day, bring a lovely cake back and treat yourself to a takeaway. And for his birthday, just don't bother with anything if he is being a dick.