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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend visited me with a rotten cold... And gave it to my five week old

82 replies

Moulesvinrouge1 · 23/09/2014 21:16

How do I approach it with her? I'm really cross, should I be a bit more forgiving as maybe she didn't really realise? I'm actually really upset about it. She held her for an hour before mentioning it!

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 23/09/2014 21:17

How bad could the cold have been if you didn't notice it for an hour?

Original poster

Moulesvinrouge1 · 23/09/2014 21:20

My husband handed the baby over, it wasn't until I'd woken up from my nap I realised! But yes fair enough.

OP posts:

CorporateRockWhore · 23/09/2014 21:21

I don't think anything can be gained from mentioning it apart from making her feel bad. She was unthinking, though.

IamHelenaJustina · 23/09/2014 21:25

Babies get colds. As soon as you take them out anywhere they are vulnerable. She didn't deliberately give your child a serious illness. She visited when she had a cold and neither you nor your husband expressed any concern at any point.

In all seriousness - IS this your first baby? Because if so then yes we all overreact when the baby gets sick for the first time. Don't overreact doubly by having a go at your friend.

furcoatbigknickers · 23/09/2014 21:25

Don't mention it

TracyBarlow · 23/09/2014 21:27

It's just a cold. Your baby is going to be exposed to these viruses wherever she goes. You can't keep her locked up.

I'm sure your friend meant no malice, and I'm not sure what good would come from speaking to her about it.

Original poster

Moulesvinrouge1 · 23/09/2014 21:27

Thanks all and yes first baby! So am a bit freaked out by the stinky cold and just irrationally annoyed. Thanks, helpful to know IABU!

OP posts:

MrsWinnibago · 23/09/2014 21:27

You are understandably upset but honestly...you or DH might be the next people to pass on germs to the baby. They get things.

Unless the baby has a weak immune system from being born prematurely or something then YABU

kslatts · 23/09/2014 21:30

I think yabu, babies pick up colds, if her cold was that bad then you or your husband should of said something

CobbOnn · 23/09/2014 21:31

It's cold season I'm afraid. So unless you and your baby intend to remain in quarantine over the weekend, catching cold is inevitable.

My LO is almost a year old, got his first at about. Month old, then one a month till he was about 6 months. Think it's good to start building up their immune system so they aren't ill every 5 minutes when you're back at work and baby is in nursery (well, this was what I thought for us)

IamHelenaJustina · 23/09/2014 21:31

I remember dd1's first cold. She was still a bit grunty after a few days so I took her to the GP He recommended a glass of wine in the evenings - whilst breastfeeding

If she's very blocked up then nice steamy baths or showers with you might help a bit. You can prop up the cot or basket at the head end so she's at a slight angle, that can help. Just make sure her feet are at the bottom of the cot.

Keep plenty of chocolate in the house - for you.

If she is unusually sleepy, hot or cold or won't feed then seek medical advice.

ILovePud · 23/09/2014 21:32

I think that was a stupid and thoughtless thing your friend did, 5 weeks is still so tiny and I can understand why you're so upset but it's done now and in your position I don't think I'd confront her over it. Next time she asks about your baby though I'd say they've been poorly with a stinking cold and hopefully she'll connect the dots and think twice before doing this again. Hope your LO is feeling better soon.

CobbOnn · 23/09/2014 21:32

Over the winter I meant!

sanfairyanne · 23/09/2014 21:33

its not pfb if it was a bad cold - i wouldn't offer to hold anyone's newborn if i thought i would make them sick. if she didn't sneeze and cough loads though, it can't have been.that bad!

BiscuitMillionaire · 23/09/2014 21:34

I would be a bit annoyed too, but you can't prevent all colds. When my DD was 3 weeks my friend visited with her son who she knew had been exposed to chicken pox and he gave it to my DS. The HV scared the hell out of me going on about how bad it could be in young babies, but luckily she didn't get it.

ItsNotEasyBeingGreen · 23/09/2014 21:35

:( OP they get lots of colds.

I personally wouldn't discuss it with her. Some people don't think but I personally wouldn't visit a baby if I was ill. However, I have friends who think nothing of it. Drives me mad. I have one friend who visited when her DS had been vomiting and vomited in my house. Yes we all caught it. And only last week (I could have killed her)... Let her DC play with my DS for over 2 hours in my home and then said 'Oh DS has nits, expect we will all have it soon'. She has this attitude that they're all going to catch everything anyway... Grrrrr!

Idontseeanysontarans · 23/09/2014 21:37

I gave birth to DS while in the throws of a stinking great cold and sporting a whopping cold sore - both baby visiting no-no's usually, but there wasn't much to do about it! Exposing my son to a germ overload within seconds of being born was not on my birth plan..
He was fine and unless there are underlying health issues or baby was premature yours should be too.
Run the shower hot and sit in the bathroom with the door shut, steam is your friend when babies are stuffed up.

gamerchick · 23/09/2014 21:38

She was a bit thoughtless but nothing will be gained by mentioning it.

Just batten down the hatches because if you're breastfeeding and your baby has a cold it means you haven't had it since you're passing your immunity on to every cold you've had atm.

Personally I don't visit new babies if I'm ill but some people don't think.

Original poster

Moulesvinrouge1 · 23/09/2014 21:38

She was totally stuffed up but drugged to the eyeballs at first, said she'd dragged herself out of bed to visit us - husband is a bit sleep deprived and doesn't know her well so didn't think much of it. I could just do without even more sleepless nights I think!

OP posts:

Purplehonesty · 23/09/2014 21:39

Grr I hate it when people do this. A friend brought her poorly child to visit when DS wasn't very old. She had to ask me for calpol and if he could go for a sleep in ds's cot. I said no to the sleeping but in the meantime he had shoved his snotty hand in ds's mouth.
He got such a bad cold/cough and was ill for about three weeks. It ruined our holiday as he couldn't sleep and every time he fed he would start to cough and bring up all his milk. We had hired a very expensive campervan for two years weeks and it was the worst time ever. Washing sicky bedding every day and getting no sleep.

My dh told her dh which was a mistake. They felt really guilty and we haven't seen them since, ds is 5 now!

ReallyTired · 23/09/2014 21:40

I can't blame you for being angry. A cold in such young baby can be really dangerous if it esclates to croup. Ds' cousin was hospitalised at 5 weeks old because he caught a cold off his older brother.

I cannot believe the ignorance and selfishness of some people.

beccajoh · 23/09/2014 21:41

Pretty thoughtless of your friend to do that but I wouldn't say anything to her as it'd be a bit PFB (although I would be pissed off too!)

MillieMoodle · 23/09/2014 21:42

I'd be upset if my friend had done that with such a young baby, although obviously it wasn't intentional. One of our friends did it when DS was quite little so if we had anyone coming over after that, I used to ask them if they'd got a cold and if so, I'd say that DS was just getting over one so could we re-arrange for when they were feeling better. No-one took offence.
If I have a cold I always avoid meeting up with friends who have young children as I don't want to pass it on. Or at the very least I call beforehand and say I've got a cold would they rather I didn't come. My friends do the same.
So yanbu to be upset by it. But I wouldn't confront her over it. Next time you arrange to see her, maybe ask her beforehand if she's got a cold and if she says yes say you'd rather re-arrange for when she's better.
Hope your little one is feeling better soon. It's awful when they're all bunged up x

chocomochi · 23/09/2014 21:44

No point mentioning it now, but she was a bit thoughtless. I don't think the op is overreacting, I wouldn't have liked a friend coming over and holding my young baby if they had a cold, and likewise I wouldn't have come/held baby if I had a cold.

formerbabe · 23/09/2014 21:44

Yanbu...but no point mentioning it now. My friend came to visit my one day old baby with a cold...I was so upset.

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