Fat parents

[PoppySeed2014]

I'm up with a colicky baby and feeling brave enough to throw an aibu out there...

I'm overweight and unfit. Mainly because I eat too much Nothing more or less mysterious than that!

Lots of my friends are a healthy weight and fit. I'll use one as an example.

My dc eat really healthily, my friend's dc less so.

Eg Plain organic yoghurt vs "kids" yoghurt full of sugar. Fillets of fish vs fish fingers. Jacket potato vs potato waffles. Water or milk vs ribena. The odd chocolate button vs daily chocolate biscuits/bars. I guess the main difference is that I feed my dc healthy, normal, (mainly) organic food - masses of vegetables and fruit etc. my friend mainly feeds her dc "kids" processed food.

So. Well done for reading this far! Aibu to think that what I feed my dc has more impact on their long term health than my weight? I'm genuinely not sure and when I (inwardly) cringe as she gives her children daily snacks of biscuits and ribena while my dc have fruit and milk I think, yes, but I'm unhealthy, she's healthy... Surely being fit and slim and active is a better example long term? (She's really fit - runs marathons, surfs...)

So please help me to see sense! (I'm trying to lose weight and get fit, but Rome wasn't built in a day, blah blah...)

(To clarify, I eat the same healthy food as my dc. But also chocolate, cake etc when they're in bed or at school etc. so they don't see me eat much crap. Oh, and chocolate/cake etc are not banned - they just don't have much at home and don't really ask for much "junk" food. I'm happy for them to have homemade cake, a few buttons etc, but not lots of processed crap every day. But they are allowed to eat everything - nothing is banned. I also use the word "treat" to mean anything from a trip to the playground to a banana. "Treat" isn't just junk food.

I read somewhere that 'the true test of motherhood is the ability to eat a whole bag of crisps with your head in a cupboard.'

That pretty much sums me up! I am all about giving DS a good diet, but don't seem to care about myself. I'm not very overweight but straining at the borders of a healthy weight. Reading this thread with interest.

OP, your way of feeding your kids is great, if (and IF) you eat the same as them.

Kids do as you do, not as you tell them, ultimately.

So, if you feed them healthy food, but eat a poor diet yourself (or skip meals yourself, don't think it worthwhile cooking for yourself) they will still end up eating as you do now, iyswim

Also OP, I am not sure I agree Ribena and fish fingers are "bad foods".

The idea that certain foods are "bad" is silly when you think about it. There is room for chips, pizza, Ribena etc. in a healthy diet.

It is all about variety and moderation. And common sense.

Even an occasional McD (shock horror) is fine, IMO

Do you only drink water/milk yourself OP?

Well said BravePotato

There's room for a little of everything in a healthy diet, especially when coupled with enough exercise.

Although in my opinion at the moment you're doing the better job of instilling good food habits, it won't be long until your Twix and Pringles habits are exposed and your dc may be more influenced by your example. I always used to pride myself that my dc never saw me drinking. Hard to conceal now they go to bed at 9!

Ribena depnds on the age - i think the bottle says not suitable under 3.
The only issue with fish fingers is that when you look you are lucky if they are 50% fish so not high in protein.

I dont give DD squash ever but occassionally OJ and then she doesnt want to stop, you realise how addictive it is. But also how much extra they consume when not thirsty

Honestly, most of us struggle with our weight at some stage. Have you had your cholesterol checked lately? Just because your friend looks good on the outside, doesn't mean everything is good on the inside. Heart disease is a silent killer, usually a person isn't aware they have it until they get a heart attack or health scare. Fwiw, genetics also play a part but usually life style and family history have a bigger impact.

I think you are struggling to lose weight for a few reasons, main ones being;
() snacking/comfort eating late in the evening after the children are gone to bed
() You are taking in more calories than you are burning off (a balance of food you eat/exercise you do)
() You lack a key motivation (For me, my motivations are I want to be around to see my dc grow up and to avoid getting type 2 diabetes which is in my family history)
() You may be eating the wrong types of foods (excess salt/sugar/carbs all turn into fat if not burnt off) or portions that are too big.

Set yourself a challenge: (Be realistic) Say ' I want to lose x amount of weight by Christmas, if I meet my target my treat will be...
Aim to get a minimum of 40 minutes exercise every day (this is not a stroll, you need to be sweating, heart needs to be pumping)
The hardest habit to break is the late evening snacks, set a deadline of 7pm, after that time, you should not be eating big meals/snacking. You will crave it at the start but after a week or two, you will realise you were not actually hungry, it was just your comfort eating.
Have a look at your eating plan, set out a meal plan each week with the required veg/fruit/fibre/water, if you make a weekly plan and stick to it, you are less likely to buy junk and if it's not in the house, you won't be tempted by it. Allow yourself have a treat night (as long as every night isn't treat night!)
Losing weight is just like giving up smoking/drink etc, you will have cravings but they will fade eventually. You need to do it for yourself, it will be tough but it is not impossible.

Thank you cathackney and others. There are lot of reasons for me not treating my own body as well as I treat my dc's bodies. I'm addressing them...

worra makes an interesting point about snacking to keep kids occupied etc. I try not to do this or provide snacks that take ages to eat but won't fill dc up (if I know we'll be in a long queue or something). So a whole pepper or apple chopped up for eg.

secretblack that's so funny! I'm good at eating chocolate while dc munch supper. Although feeling less "clever" and more stupid for eating the damn chocolate now

brave ribena actually says "not suitable for children under three" on the packet!

sweets good advice. Thank you

OP, if I had to come out on one side or the other I'd say you're setting the worse example. Because your friend is teaching moderation.

As someone who exercises regularly, she is showing her children that running, biking, etc aren't rare activities but part of everyday life. She's also illustrating that all foods have a place in a healthy, balanced, lifestyle.

Whereas if you don't exercise - and eat secretly - you're teaching your children that a healthy, balanced diet is something to aspire to, but is unrealistic. Because Mummy can't eat what the rest of the family eat without secretly snacking on the side.

I think if you began exercising daily, with them, that would be the best thing, as they would see it as the norm. And stop the secret snacking before they're old enough to catch you...

Long term, they will see the portions that you serve yourself and perceive them to be normal.

Organic food is no less calorific than non-organic, btw.

ouryve organic dairy is much better. Ditto eggs, meat and a lot of fruit and veg. But you're right, sane calories. Just minus the chemicals and hormones.

That's the thing.

Kids learn to cope with long queues without having to be fed. There are other ways to amuse them.

If those other ways fail and they throw a tantrum, well that's just what kids do. There's still no need to feed them to distract them.

I agree, there are lots of ways to distract small children. A healthy snack is just one way. Especially when a child really is quite peckish!

I agree that kids just need to learn to cope with queues without being fed.

This is where 70's parenting really got it right. Forcing kids to deal with boredom and hunger. It's just life, innit?

It doesn't matter that the snack is healthy imo

It's still teaching a child to use food as a coping mechanism...in other words comfort eating.

And again, 'being quite peckish' doesn't mean they can't wait til they get home, especially if they had a meal before they went out.

I think eating stuff in secret from the dcs is unhealthy. I think feeding sugary snacks all the time is unhealthy (although we have some biscuits - can't afford the fruit bill). So I don't think one is better or worse than the other.

Perhaps you could do an 'only eat in front of the dc diet'? It sounds like it might work for your tbh. eating in the evening is one of the main obesity causes I think.

Your eating is disordered op and the dc are going to notice at some point.

When I first met DP I found it strange that not only did he not snack, he would only eat sat at a table. Food on the go would not even be considered. He finds it strange that people eat while they walk, are at the cinema, watching tv, as a child his mother would never let them eat outside unless a picnic and again they would be seated none of his family are overweight including his nieces and nephews. We are now the same with our children but not quite as strict.

You've just reminded me of childhood trips to the cinema

There used to be an interval in the middle of the film, and we were allowed a tiny tub of ice cream that you at using a little wooden spatula!

That was the highlight of the trip and we enjoyed it so much.

Unlike nowadays when you're sat behind someone munching their way through Nachos/crisps/chocolates/popcorn etc...while slurping a massive bucket of coke.

that you *ate

Lol as a child of the 70's there was definitely boredom and hunger

I think I'm more 70's than I realise then because I take homemade popcorn to the movies for my eldest dc with a water bottle. Tbh it's as much to do with not wanting to pay £5386.99 for cinema snacks than healthy eating...