Fat parents

[PoppySeed2014]

I'm up with a colicky baby and feeling brave enough to throw an aibu out there...

I'm overweight and unfit. Mainly because I eat too much Nothing more or less mysterious than that!

Lots of my friends are a healthy weight and fit. I'll use one as an example.

My dc eat really healthily, my friend's dc less so.

Eg Plain organic yoghurt vs "kids" yoghurt full of sugar. Fillets of fish vs fish fingers. Jacket potato vs potato waffles. Water or milk vs ribena. The odd chocolate button vs daily chocolate biscuits/bars. I guess the main difference is that I feed my dc healthy, normal, (mainly) organic food - masses of vegetables and fruit etc. my friend mainly feeds her dc "kids" processed food.

So. Well done for reading this far! Aibu to think that what I feed my dc has more impact on their long term health than my weight? I'm genuinely not sure and when I (inwardly) cringe as she gives her children daily snacks of biscuits and ribena while my dc have fruit and milk I think, yes, but I'm unhealthy, she's healthy... Surely being fit and slim and active is a better example long term? (She's really fit - runs marathons, surfs...)

So please help me to see sense! (I'm trying to lose weight and get fit, but Rome wasn't built in a day, blah blah...)

(To clarify, I eat the same healthy food as my dc. But also chocolate, cake etc when they're in bed or at school etc. so they don't see me eat much crap. Oh, and chocolate/cake etc are not banned - they just don't have much at home and don't really ask for much "junk" food. I'm happy for them to have homemade cake, a few buttons etc, but not lots of processed crap every day. But they are allowed to eat everything - nothing is banned. I also use the word "treat" to mean anything from a trip to the playground to a banana. "Treat" isn't just junk food.

rootypig very good point... I make sure my dc are active every day (easy at the ages they are) but I'm aware that they don't see me being v active. I'm going to do couch to 5k I think - possibly starting WITH my dc (because I run as fast/slow as they do!)

claraschu wow, thank you. What a thoughtful post. It is easy to pull the wool over the eyes of preschoolers. But more than anything I want to be able to run around with the dc and I want them to see me being fit and active. Maybe I should eat exactly what they eat! Would be an excellent way of losing weight (except I can't stand yoghurt and they eat it every day!)

It's funny that I get huge pleasure from seeing them eat really good food and yet once they're in bed I eat a twix (a large one. Possibly two). Funny and a bit sad.

Personally I think that your size is going to have more impact. Are your dc normal sized now? Are your friend's fat?
Your dc will either think you are being hypocritical (if they twig that you eat stuff they don't get) or that the healthy eating stuff doesn't work.

I've often wondered why I don't have the same respect for my body that I have for my DD's, Poppy. I don't love it anywhere near as much, I suppose is the paradoxical answer.

You won't be able to hide your bad diet for much longer. Why not take this chance to just stop buying the crapper food?

I think if your kids continue to eat well, and worse case scenario, you don't end up losing weight & are overweight forever they'll get to a point where they'll think 'seriously? Mum 'restricts'* my chocolate intake but she eats the same as me & is big, sod that I'm having a chocolate stash in my room'

*i know you've said everything in moderation, hurrah!, but when/if you've got teenage walking dustbins are you going to be ok with their inbuilt pot noodle/chips radar (massively generalising teens I know)! Monitors is probably a better word than restricts.

I don't think either of you are doing badly but longer term having fitter parents (who are more likely to be doing exercise/outdoorsy stuff) will get them into better habits (eg. parents who drive everywhere vs one who walks for miles).

Mine have almost daily biscuits just because it's easier to carry around cereal bars than fresh fruit (I'm terrible at remembering to empty changing bag at the end of the day).

It's just all so confusing!

Agree parental role models must count. You rarely see fat kids without fat parents. You can. But it's rare.

Hmm not sure.

I have a very slim mother and a fat father. We all ate the same growing up and the result is two brothers who look like my mum, including being slim and me - I look like my dad and am fat.

There is increasing evidence that there is a genetic component to appetite control and to your "natural weight". The fact that most people maintain a remarkably stable weight in the face of an infinite variety of food choice is difficult to square with complete biological "free will" around food.

However (and before I get flamed!) there is a not much you can do about your genes and lots you can do about your lifestyle. So you're still doing the right thing giving your children the best diet you can and trying to make habits that will make them healthier even if some of them may not be slim.

I was in your position until April of this year when I knew I had to change. I was slightly more overweight than you are even, six stone overweight. I've always fed my DC an extremely healthy organic diet, mainly vegan 100% vegetarian. Very very conscious about what I put in THEIR bodies however I was doing the whole 'secret eating' and stuffing chocolate/cake/pizza down when they went to bed much like you. I also would have stupidly big portions when we ate together.

I read a statistic (not sure how accurate it is but it's pretty well known) that if even one parent is overweight it gives the children a 50% chance of also being overweight be that in childhood or later life. I also think you set an example to your children, they judge what is 'normal' and acceptable based on your actions. If you're obese they're going to think obesity is acceptable and let's face it, it isn't. It's unhealthy, we all know the risks involved in being overweight. That's another thing that made me change. Yes I was feeding my children this incredibly healthy diet to set them up for the best start possible and lower their risks of illnesses and diseases in later life but I myself was putting the very crap into my body I wouldn't put into theirs. Therefore I was risking those diseases I didn't want for them! I also had to be there for them as their mother, I didn't want to die young and leave them without a mother or get a serious illness directly linked to my weight and diet iykwim.

So I just had to wake up and get my arse into gear. I've lost a little over five stone since the end of April. Haven't done anything crazy or extreme. Just cut my portion sizes down, stopped the secret junk eating all together and instead we bake together and eat said cake together once or twice a week and I move my arse- walking every day with the DC and I do yoga and Pilates most nights when they're in bed, sometimes when they're awake and the eldest joins in with the yoga! I have another stone to go before I hit a healthy BMI and I'm hoping to get there by Christmas.

I'm not trying to brag here by any means, quite the opposite. I'm trying to tell you that if you put your mind to it you can quite easily do it too .

That's interesting splendide. Do you think appetite control can be learned though?

Thank you so much for your replies. I'm going to think about them all.

To answer a question, my dc are not overweight and my friends dc are overweight. But not by much and they're all still little. They're all very active (as little people are) and once they're older my friends dc are more likely to play sport and be active if they follow their parent's example.

Perfectly possible to get fat on organic home cooked food. I know, I did. I grew up with everything home cooked, milk and meat from the farm, organic fruit and veg from the garden. I was a fat child and grew into a fat adult, only losing weight in my 30s.

Genes and portion size were my problems, not food quality. So the lesson I am teaching my DC is Everything in Moderation.

poolomoomon that's incredible and so inspiring! I need to do the same. It's so stupid really because my parents have always eaten the sort of diet I feed my dc and they're fit and healthy (and slim). I was slim until I got married and then just ballooned. I need to change, starting right now.

I do walk a lot but not very fast. Small goals. I have 5 stone to shift to get back to my normal healthy bmi weight.

I'm sorry I think example is better than what you feed them. You're telling them to do what you say and not what you do, which never works in the long run. You may not like your friends diet but the reality is you are overweight and the message your kids will get is that it is ok to be so.

and hopefully you will and you will think ' what took me so long?'

coal - she isnt denying that!

And yes, organic food has feck all to do with weight or a healthy lifestyle. Weight is energy taken in versus energy burnt off.

Betty I don't think appetite control can be learned but that it can be overridden. I maintain a weight that is higher than it should be but not too bad. I do this by counting every single calorie that passes my lips. I think of it as a way of treating a medical problem. I'm not sure that's a completely correct way of thinking about it but it seems to help me.

Oh and my experience is the same as Jemima's. I've always eaten excellent food, I even bake my own bread. Just as easy to eat too much of it unfortunately.

Which one of you exercises? Gets out and moves/stretches/gets out of breath?

I'd say that one is the healthier one out of the 2 of you

I agree with what you said earlier Poppy, I can't understand why parents buy this strange, processed "child" food when they're so young that they'd happily accept the healthier equivalent (i.e. petit filous/fish fingers).

But, eventually your "doing" has far more impact than your "saying". My 12 year old is masterful at building a case against the house rules with my own actions.

coal I don't think you read my posts?

So the general consensus is keep the dc's diet the same and move my fat arse

OP I agree with you re food. But good food and exercise can go hand in hand. Can't you also show your DC that you're trying in that way also, then they'll have the best of both worlds.

My two youngest children are 14 & 15 and both enjoy fresh, unadulterated food. Last night's dinner was sea bass, mash, steamed carrots and broccoli... hardly exciting, but they always thank me for their nice dinner. I love that they appreciate food that's good for them; feeding them gives me such pleasure and satisfaction.

But you've just said that yourself!