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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that as a single woman, you would only invite a man round to your house for dinner if you fancied them?

41 replies

rainbowchair · 22/09/2014 21:00

I'd like a straw poll and opinions please.

Would you be annoyed/concerned if your boyfriend was invited round to dinner by a single woman whom he used to work with but did not know very well (allegedly) and you, his girlfriend were not invited?

Said dinner invitation was made whilst boyfriend and current girlfriend were separated briefly. (Btw this is for my friend). They are now back together. The boyfriend still wants to go to this meal with this woman without his girlfriend. Both me and my friend (the girlfriend) think this is a bit weird.

My opinion is is that as a woman myself, I would not invite a guy who was not clearly in the "friend zone" and who I did not know too well round to my house for a cosy dinner one on one unless I wanted to get into his pants. Otherwise I would worry it would give the wrong impression.

AIBU in thinking this?

OP posts:
StickEmOnTheWall · 22/09/2014 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greenwayslide · 22/09/2014 21:02

If she doesn't know him that well and only invited him then I think she fancies him.

If they were good friends then maybe not.

funnyface31 · 22/09/2014 21:03

Good friends then yes no problems.

Definitely strange if the friendship was developing or non existent (by the sounds of it)

Beastofburden · 22/09/2014 21:03

God how depressing. When I was single I invited round all kinds of people. YABU and vv possessive and he will split up from her again if she is going to be like that.

magoria · 22/09/2014 21:05

He was single when she invited him so she didn't do anything wrong. His girlfriend has no right to be annoyed that she invited him. Doesn't matter if she wanted in his pants or not.

She may not even have a clue they are back together.

The boyfriend is the one your friend needs to be talking to about how this makes her feel.

Janethegirl · 22/09/2014 21:06

It's only for a meal, chill! Having a friend round for dinner does not mean you want to shag themGrin. Trust is a necessary requirement in any relationship.

MexicanSpringtime · 22/09/2014 21:08

God how depressing. When I was single I invited round all kinds of people

ditto

formerbabe · 22/09/2014 21:09

Yanbu...I would be very upset.

I know I am going against the majority on mn who think men and women can be friends....of course they can...but in my experience it is rare that both sides have no other interest or fancy the other.

SaucyJack · 22/09/2014 21:15

Agreed OP.

I'd never invite a bloke round and cook them dinner without fully intending that they'd be "providing dessert" so to speak.

Eating crisps in the pub is what mates do.

Janethegirl · 22/09/2014 21:17

I've got lots of male friends and have had over the years and I've never felt the need to sleep with any. Formerbabe I think you must have issues as I have never considered male friends and colleagues as potential bed mates.

MrsJossNaylor · 22/09/2014 21:17

How fucking miserable if you can't invite a member of the opposite sex round for dinner without people presuming you want to shag them.

When I was single I invited lots of single blokes from work over. Two of them even stopped the night (separate rooms!) as they lived a distance away. I had no romantic intentions at all, just fancied a night with a mate.

If your friend is bothered by this, SIBU and possessive. FWIW, I would also not be remotely threatened if my DH went to a female friend's house for dinner without me.

Because I trust him. And he is allowed to have friends who have vaginas.

CatKisser · 22/09/2014 21:18

I am single and plenty of male friends round, however, they're all friends of ten years or so and mostly gay.
Have to say, I wouldn't invite a new chap round for dinner unless I a) fancied him and b) knew he was single.

CatKisser · 22/09/2014 21:20

Or c) the friendship was going well and it was clear there was going to be nothing more than that.

ithoughtofitfirst · 22/09/2014 21:22

Yeah i think it's a case by case kind of thing.

This fence is hurting my ass.

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 22/09/2014 21:24

No.

Im capable of having platonic relatinships

formerbabe · 22/09/2014 21:24

Jane....you may not have had romantic thoughts about male colleagues... I haven't either really. If I had though, then inviting them round for dinner would have been a good option.

formerbabe · 22/09/2014 21:26

When I was single I invited lots of single blokes from work over.

Really?! When I was single I never invited a single male colleague over!

dangly131 · 22/09/2014 21:28

MrsJossNaylor...I did the same with colleagues who lived out of town. Sadly myself and my home got a reputation because ppl could not cope with this without their imagination running wild. I wouldn't mind so much if I slept with any to give them this perception but there was never even a neck! There were no feelings on either side, just adults who were able to sleep under the same roof after a night on the tiles if it meant saving on a £50 taxi fare home. I felt it said more about those who were making the comments than me.

Poolbirthx2 · 22/09/2014 21:28

Yanbu - i would not like it if my dh was invited to a females house for tea - bit strange if you ask me!

CatKisser · 22/09/2014 21:28

I'm fence sitting too. Much as I know I have the right to invite anyone either in a platonic way, realistically I wouldn't want to upset a girlfriend, which I know it could do.

todayisnottheday · 22/09/2014 21:29

Well I'm stubbornly single. I would have no hesitation in inviting a colleague round if I thought a friendship was in the offing. Highly unlikely I'd be thinking about sex because, well, I don't think about sex tbh. I know people find that hard to believe but there are lots of single, red blooded, under 95yo women who don't premise every interaction with the idea of ending up in bed Hmm If the colleague had a gf I'd expect them to work out between them if they were ok with it and accept or decline accordingly. I would have no interest in inviting a gf I didn't know just because she'd think I was weird if I didn't or had designs on "her" fella mostly because there's no way I'd want to be friends with someone who thought that way. Insecure, judgemental and possessive just doesn't do it for me.

Original poster
rainbowchair · 22/09/2014 21:34

Personally, I would not invite a man I didn't know very well over unless I fancied them.

If I didn't know them too well I would prefer to slowly get to know them as a mate down the pub etc. I think I would feel a bit vulnerable if I was at home alone with some bloke who I invited round as a "friend" in case they got the wrong impression and thought I was inviting them round for a bit more ifyswm. That is why I would not invite someone round unless I knew them really well.

That is why I'm thinking this sounds more like it was a date. I'm not having a go at the woman in this, she probably did not know he is going out with someone, I just think that is what it looks like from where I'm sitting, that it was arranged as something romantic and that now that he is back with his girlfriend it seems a bit inappropriate to continue with it.

OP posts:
MrsJossNaylor · 22/09/2014 21:34

"Really?! When I was single I never invited a single male colleague over!"

....erm, yeah. Really. Because my friends are pretty much a 50/50 split of men and women. And at work (male dominated profession) most of my mates are blokes. Weirdly, I'm capable of having dinner and a few drinks without shagging them.

Preciousbane · 22/09/2014 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 22/09/2014 21:44

Iv got guy mates who i have no interest in what so ever! Iv also shared a bed with one on numerous times!
I don't think its rare that people can be friends with the opposite sex and not be interested in them.
Quite sad if you think that really.

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