..to think that this schools business has the potential to wreck playground friendships

[idiuntno57]

So DC in Yr5 and we are starting visiting schools. This morning I visited a school in which my friend has just put DC. IMO it had a few good things about it but was not what I am looking for for DC at all.

I got a text from friend asking what I think. I was honest and said it had lots of good points but was missing some of the things DH and I were looking for but that I needed to see some others to put it in perspective. Got a slightly miffed text in reply.

I get the sense that friend thinks I am critical of their choice because I didn't rave about this school. I couldn't.

On the other hand other parents at school have gone from being friendly and jolly to a bit secretive and cagey about the whole process.

I am really worried about what Yr 5/early yr 6 is going to do for friendships amongst the parents. Is this a reasonable worry? What were your experiences?

We need to be going to open evenings in y5?!

Oh shit!

At my DC's school they recommend it

I think this is very common at this stage.
I remember the tension at the school gates once the open evenings/exams/selection process began.
IME it is best to remain totally non-committal, express no opinions, impart no information, nothing. Some people manage to stay reasonable and sane, others fail dismally and rows and fallings out can occur.
It is a complete minefield.

Yes - it is very important to go to open evenings in year 5.
Year 6 is too late.

Why did no one tell me this?Urgh I knew I need to look at the grammar but hadn't put any thought into the others for no other reason than i thought that was done in y6

When do we have to apply?

Yes I had similar. One parent in particular is being very competitive, trying to get her DD into a school considered better than my DD's. I'm not engaging with her at all. I chose the best school for my DD. Her DD is a completely different character so needs a completely different school.

I think it stems from insecurity on the part of the parent and as such it's her problem not mine.

Having said that, most parents are not like that, although there are the cagey ones too. It's ridiculous as it's hardly something that can be kept secret come next September!

We're doing all this now dd is in yr 6. We visited a couple last year and it did help

Yes, many parents are very cagey. Just smile sweetly, make very non committal noises about any school then choose the ones that will best suit your child. Try not to let it get to you!

The exams for selective (state) schools for next September are already done here.
They are usually all over by November.

Sorry for the thread derail there I think it's safe to say I'm safely in the 'go with what you want' camp

Y6 isnt too late to look around secondary school!

I disagree with 3littlefrogs - most people go in year 6, but some choose to get a feel for the schools in their area in year 5 so that they can formulate their thoughts and go again in year 6 with a clearer idea of what's important to them. The fact that open evenings aren't held till late September and applications have to go in in October probably has a bearing on this.

ididnt I think it is just so you can a) discount complete no goers and not waste time visiting them with DC b) build up a better sense of the schools you do like i.e. over a period of time.

But it does seem to do weird thing to people. Don't like it at all

ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen

You need to look on all the school websites - the information is all there.
The current year 6s will be doing the entrance exams now, so you really need to have an idea of what to prepare for and which schools you will aim for well before they go into year 6.

If you aren't looking at selective schools it doesn't matter so much, but IME the open evenings often clash, so it is worth getting round as many as possible in year 5, then revisit the ones you like best at the beginning of year 6.

Dcs from our 1 form entry primary typically end up at one of 4 secondaries. I've never heard of anyone falling out over it but you don't say 'Oh, we didn't apply there because its shite but I'm sure it'll be a good for for your child.' You just say 'I like the emphasis of performing arts' or 'It's got a reputation for bring pushy and X needs that' or 'we want him to walk and it's closest'

Oh no

We are already gearing for 11+ against my better judgment so I think we will make an effort for the grammar this year

We have 2 other schools we can choose from one is the feeder from our primary and work closely with school the other an exceptional comp so I think that's my mind made up

When I y6 do you apply for comps?

This is messing with my head

You apply for all state secondaries by the end of October, which is why 11+ tests are so early, so you should have the results I think by the time you apply.

Looking in year 5 is normal. Being cagey is normal, a close friend didn't tell me about an entrance exam her DS sat until over a year after our DS started secondary (apparently he burst into tears at the end of it, it made me pleased I hadn't got my DS to sit it).

Schools are a very emotional issue, it is best to be non-committal unless speaking to a well balanced parent who has had several come out the other end.

Take year 5 to look, visit on normal days, check the entry criteria and decide which one/ones to take DC to in year 6. Then apply.

This is from the local Grammar School website:

Information for ADMISSIONS 2015-16

Monday 28 April 2014
From this date Supplementary Information Forms will be available to download from the school website.
Thursday 26 June 2014 – Open Afternoon and Evening
The school will be open for tours from 3:30pm to 5:00pm and from 7:00pm to 9:00pm only.
Tuesday 8 July 2014 Closing date for ALL Supplementary Information Forms (SIF) to be submitted to the school.
Friday 12 September 2014 – Entrance Test
Friday 31 October 2014 – Closing Date for Common Application Forms (CAF).

They had their entrance test a week or so ago, so the DC will have only just gone into year 6 at primary.

It does make normal people a bit weird. But they'll return to normalcy.

Just try being in a town with a grammar school and a high school. It's hell.

IME university applications are a doddle by comparison.

We're at a fairly laid back primary, but even we have had the "tutor from easter year 4 or else you're a negligent parent", rubbish. I think it's reached hysteria in other schools.

We are in a part selective area, many of the children are literally competing against their frienids for a handful of places at certain schools.

Tbh, I can see friendship groups cracking already, and we've only just started year 6.

Optimist1
That is fine as long as you are not considering a grammar or partially selective state school.

We applied for several selective state schools, so I was basing my response on my experience locally. It was incredibly stressful. You keep meeting the same people at all the exams and open evenings and try to talk about anything but the exam.
I am so glad I don't have to go through it again.

There was a huge row between 2 sets of parents who were trying to buy the same house in a particular catchment area. Crazy.

Blimey nowhere near me has grammar schools!

We didn't look till Y6 but I guess it depends on your criteria.
Our catchment secondary is great so no need to look further.
We did look at a state selective boys' school for the eldest but only because they took a small number of boarders as it's too far to be a day boy.

One of my main criteria was that it be a local school as I don't want to be ferrying them around as they get older and can be more independent. Being local was also something I missed out on myself.