Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave our DCs in our house while we go next door for dinner?

321 replies

Tapewormuprising · 22/09/2014 12:58

Our neighbours have invited us for dinner next week and i was wondering what people's thoughts were on this.

We live in a semi-detached house on a quiet road. Our DCs are 8 and 15 months. 8 year old will be in bed reading and will fall asleep at about 8.30 and our 15 month old will be asleep with a baby monitor (we will be able to get signal next door. There is also a movement sensor). We'll be one room away really.

So, will we be awful parents if we leave them?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2014 22:09

No op, I could not feel comfortable leaving 2 young children alone in the house whilst I was next door, I would nit feel comfortable all night. It's a huge level of responsibility for an 8 year old, despite how sensible he is. Faced with an emergency situation, that could go out if tge window. Comfy is a SWand knows first hand what the consequences for you and your children, is it really worth it, your reputation, kids, all for a meal. No way.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2014 22:11

No I just don't take risks like that when children are involved

AnyFucker · 22/09/2014 22:14

There's a middle ground, MrsM. Leaving small children alone in a house is not it.

Random1999 · 22/09/2014 22:17

If thats the case MrsM lets all go out 24/7 and leave our young children at home while we get smashed because surely nothing bad will happen?

LuluJakey1 · 22/09/2014 22:18

I couldn't do it. I would worry about the 'what if?'s
It just would not feel right to me.
I have never understood what the McCann's did- I would not condemn them for it because they did not do it neglectfully and God knows they have suffered, but I just have never understood the decision they made.
It is always about risk and personally, they are risks I could not take. 99 times out of a hundred it wuld be fine but it is the potential of that once.

Random1999 · 22/09/2014 22:18

YOU are responsible for your children and their wellbeing unless they are responsible teenagers they shouldn't be left to there own devices especially when that 8yr old has a one year old baby to worry about! jesus fucking wept.

MrsMcColl · 22/09/2014 22:19

No, Random, that would be ridiculous. Being right there, though, and able to get to the children in seconds is a proportionate risk.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2014 22:20

OP, what are your thoughts now ?

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2014 22:22

MrsK I agree with Random, leaving a young boy I charge of a baby alone in the house is a huge responsibility and not one a young child should have. Yes when you have chikdren it's your responsibility fir their well being and safety.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 22/09/2014 22:23

I def wouldn't.
But then I'm sitting at the opp end of the house to mine, with 3 shut doors between us and the TV on, so probably best to ignore me....

MrsMcColl · 22/09/2014 22:27

A lot depends, in assessments like these, on your knowledge of how well your children sleep. The 8 year old wouldn't be 'responsible for' the baby if both were asleep - they'd both be the parents' responsibility, just as if the parents were in their own living room.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2014 22:30

He is Mrsm, he is the one in charge if there was a fire, or if baby woke up, or if there was an intruder, no adults are in the house. Yes it primarily is the parents responsibility, us it really worth it!

Aeroflotgirl · 22/09/2014 22:32

As the SW has said, op could get done for neglect if it came to SS attention what has gone on.

CromerSutra · 22/09/2014 22:38

There's a middle ground, MrsM. Leaving small children alone in a house is not it.

I agree with AnyFucker's comment^

I am just couldn't and wouldn't do this and as for someone showing off about leaving their young children and going to a neighbour's house that is not next door....that is neglectful behaviour without a doubt.

MrsMcColl · 22/09/2014 22:43

I am talking about right next door, as OP described. Have missed whoever is showing off about going further away.

PiperIsOrange · 22/09/2014 22:46

These children didn't ask to be born, by continuing the pregnancy you made that choice to be a parent.

No babysitter then no night out.

I do sleep, but if anything was to happen then I am up like a shoot and struggle to get back to sleep.

My children welfare beats any night out.

I do sit in the garden and have drinks with NDN but the front door is wide open and I am right by my door, and tbh my NDN would prefer to come into my garden that put my DC in a situation that they are alone in a locked house.

MillieMoodle · 22/09/2014 22:48

I wouldn't. I'm paranoid/neurotic at the best of times so even the thought of leaving DS home alone makes me feel sick. I can just about cope leaving him with his childminder (and she's as neurotic as me), pre-school (but I work from home when he's there so I'm only a 5 min walk away) and my parents. There are too many what ifs and I'd never be able to forgive myself if something happened and I wasn't there to protect him.
Are you not able to have the neighbours over to you or take your children with you and put them to bed there, then take them home when you're finished? That seems a decent compromise?
As others have said, I think I'd think twice about leaving my child with you as a childminder if you're prepared to leave your own children home alone at night. I'm not really sure why; I'm not suggesting for a moment that you'd leave the children you mind on their own and I don't mean to sound harsh at all, I just think I'd feel uncomfortable about it.

CromerSutra · 22/09/2014 22:48

I was referring to Nando's post although s/he doesn't actually state the ages of the Dcs concerned so for all I know they might be teenagers. I can understand why you might ponder this but to actually go through with it especially with a baby, no, never in a million years.

Bulbasaur · 22/09/2014 22:49

To the sleeping bit: Sometimes I wake right up when DD makes so much as a snort. Other times I've layed in a daze while DD cries for a few minutes before my brain kicked in with "Oh yeah, you should probably get your ass up and do something about that". I'm sure when DD is not longer a baby I'll be one of those parents that wakes up to peanut butter all over the kitchen floor because I didn't hear her wake up.

But to the friends bit. My parents took us over to friends house when they got together with friends. They would just bring sleeping bags and our favorite movies. Their friends also had kids, so we all would camp out in the living room watching movies and playing Sega. Sometimes we'd spend the night if we asked nice enough. I don't see the issue with bring over a tablet, movie, sleeping bags, or whatever to keep your kids quietly entertained while they fell asleep.

Or why not invite the friends to your place while they bring the dinner supplies. You're only a room away. Why do you need to be there instead of your house?

ThatBloodyWoman · 22/09/2014 22:53

Given all the concerns raised, alternatives given, and consequences outlined, I hope the op has rethought.

LemonadeRayGun · 22/09/2014 22:54

I can see the logical reasons for thinking this is fine. I have had the same thoughts and discussions when we have been invited to our neighbours. But at the end if the day I just couldn't do it.

I think the fact that you are asking means there is a doubt in your head, and I think where there is a doubt then you should listen to it. If anything happened you'd never forgive yourself for not listening to that doubting voice.

ImGoingForATwix · 22/09/2014 22:59

I see both sides of the argument but wouldn't do this personally. Bottom line for me is that I would be anxious about it (for many of the reasons already stated) and therefore wouldn't enjoy the evening anyway.

Froggio · 22/09/2014 23:05

Yes, you probably are the same distance away as some people are in their own house, and no, statistically nothing bad will happen. BUT I wouldn't ask my 8 year old to be prepared to call 999 and recite our address and be sure of the escape route because he might have to rescue his little sibling - that is a huge responsibility, even for a sensible 8 year old. Just because mum and dad fancy a night out without the kids. Seems a bit selfish. You have other options - delay the dinner for a couple of weeks until your babysitters are back or get the neighbours round to your house.

Mydelilah · 22/09/2014 23:05

I would not. Absolutely no way. If you have to ask the question, then you know it's not right....

HereBeHubbubs · 22/09/2014 23:20

Nope.

Because if your child wakes up after a nightmare and wanders all over the house to find it empty, their natural reaction will be to start unlocking doors and windows to look in the garden for you, or on the front drive, or up and down the main road..