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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she should put her hand in her pocket now and then

104 replies

kentishgirl · 19/09/2014 09:06

DP's friend's girlfriend.

I buy rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP buys rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP's friend buys rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP's friend's girlfriend has never bought a drink for herself or anyone else.

It's that whole 'couples count as one person' thing, isn't it. Or it could be that she thinks she is so special we all love buying her drinks and she doesn't need to return the favour.

It boils my piss.

DP says don't worry about, it's selfish of her, but he's not going to make a fuss over it.

WIBU to tell her being blonde and skinny and giggly doesn't excuse you from buying rounds?

OP posts:
ApocalypseNowt · 19/09/2014 15:15

I did do 5 once by balancing one on the top! Just about made it back to the table. I've written that down on my c.v. Grin

I had a mate who could do the cleavage thing - we smuggled many a bottle out of pubs that way!

Original poster
kentishgirl · 19/09/2014 15:28

ooh that's clever. I might have to try that. The one on top bit.

OP posts:
SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 19/09/2014 15:35

Maybe they have a deal that when they go out with his friends he pays and when they go out with her friends she pays?

Original poster
kentishgirl · 19/09/2014 15:39

That's all right, but they should buy twice as many rounds then.

We buy 2 rounds for each 1 of theirs.

OP posts:
Teeb · 19/09/2014 15:53

Have you ever said 'oh, your round next mate' or something along those lines?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/09/2014 15:54

I rarely go to the bar either when out with DH - but would never let someone else buy me more than the fair share of drinks.

I agree with everyone who says that if the pattern is;

You
Friend
Your DH
Friend

......then you have no problem.

If it's;

You
Friend
Your DH
You
Friend
Your DH

......then she is taking the piss.

kickassangel · 19/09/2014 15:56

Haven't done it for many years, but 5 possible if all drinking pints from the same size/shape glass. If you don't have a pocket, change goes in the mouth.

But - yes, people should be contributing about the same as they consume, pretty much, whichever way you work it.

BackforGood · 19/09/2014 16:01

What I don't understand is why you've allowed this to be an acceptable 'thing' ? Confused.
Surely, if 4 people are going out, then you either buy every 4th round, or, if you /they prefer, each 'couple' buys alternate rounds.
If they choose that it's his wallet the money comes out of each time it's their round, that's up to them, but then it's his turn after you've bought one, and his turn after your dp has bought one.

Really though, why don't you say that ? Confused

ApocalypseNowt · 19/09/2014 16:04

kickassangel I have a vision of you walking back from the bar then spitting a mouthful of coins onto the table along with the drinks.... Grin

Mitzimaybe · 19/09/2014 16:14

As long as it's not 3 rounds of 4 drinks each - I mean, as long as it's your round then the friend's round then your DP's round then the friend's round, so you are only buying one round in 4 and so is your DP, then that's fine. It's none of your business what arrangement the two of them have between themselves, as long as you're not expected to subsidise it by buying two rounds to their one.

SolidGoldBrass · 19/09/2014 16:25

Is she on a much lower income than everyone else? Or at least a lower one than her DP? It could be that he has allowed her to expect other people to buy her drinks because she's skint.
I have sometimes gone out with people who bought rounds and I didn't - when I am short of money I buy my own rather than rounds, but some of my lovely friends go, don't be daft we will stand you a pint and include me in the round.

patienceisvirtuous · 19/09/2014 16:29

I once, when single, went to London with a group of people and drank in rounds with my friend and her husband. I didn't know the others that well. For the full weekend it went like this: I bought us a round, friend's DH bought us a round ad infinitum. So basically I was completely out of pocket.

I didn't raise it then, but it left a sour taste in my mouth, and I decided I wouldn't do that again.

I think it's because, if the situation were reversed, and it has been, I'd be more mindful and fair.

Anyway, you live and learn!

Bouttimeforwine · 19/09/2014 16:40

What I can't understand is how anyone can allow this to happen for so long. It just wouldn't have been an issue for me; after the first couple of times, I'd have said "your round next". I wouldn't have thought twice about it. I certainly wouldn't have silently seethed for years.

I really find it haerd to understand how people can be so timid.

BackforGood · 19/09/2014 16:55

Exactly Bouttime

Mitzimaybe · 19/09/2014 16:57

Finally we have the answer:

We buy 2 rounds for each 1 of theirs.

That's obviously not OK. I can't believe you've let it go on this long. It's bothering both you and your DH so don't let it continue! Like everyone else says, just an "It's your round, isn't it? We got the last one" rather than making a big issue of it.

FoodieToo · 19/09/2014 17:04

The odd thing here is that some couples consider themselves to be one unit.

If pisstakers did this to me I would buy them one drink between them......

SnakeyMcBadass · 19/09/2014 17:07

You have to tell her it's her round. I would be twitching and vein pulsing all over the place at the injustice. I tend to be the one who goes to the bar as DH is tee total and drinks tap water. I like to choose from all the lovely bottles.

ssd · 19/09/2014 17:19

I don't know why this is an issue, surely when its her turn you just look at her and say, are you getting them in then? I'd never let someone away with this.

RonaldMcDonald · 19/09/2014 17:25

i always bought my round as did all my adult friends married or single
most had their own accounts and put money in a jt for bills

i rarely met a woman whose husband bought her round....

mysteryfairy · 19/09/2014 17:36

Follow her lead and you personally stop getting rounds. Then DH and the other male partner can alternate. You won't get the conviviality of going to the bar but at least things will be even.

iwanttobeanonymous · 19/09/2014 17:38

Namechanging just in case.

We used to go out with dh's brother and his wife. Just the men would go to the bar (dh always jokes that I Don't ever go to the bar but I always become Invisible to bartenders).
A couple of times sil's brother would come with his latest girlfriend.
Bil would buy a round for all six of us. DH would buy a round for all six of us. Sil's brother would buy a "round" for everyone except dh and I!!!
Angry

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/09/2014 17:40

What would happen if you just sit tight when it's her turn?
Don't fill the awkward gap by jumping up to get a round? If her boyfriend says he'll get it, then you could say it's nice of him to cover her round. Or you could say that you thought it was her round

I had this happen to me once,it was mortifying.

The situation was my husband at the time was a freeloading good for nothing cocklodger. I paid every single bill inc his child maintenance never even got so much as a token amount towards them from him because he didn't feel like it,the only thing he made any form of contribution towards (inc practical stuff) was twice a year he would include me in his group drinking benders so I never took my purse out on those occasions(if I took it he would think nothing of waiting until I went to the loo and doing entire bar rounds on me) However he would always buy his round then straight after buy my round so nobody was being subbed.

I'm still to this day not sure what business it was of the woman who decided to challenge my conduct or if I was meant to tell her it was his sole either financial or practical contribution to our household

PenelopePitstops · 20/09/2014 00:26

Stop subsidising the cheap skates!

You either go couple 1,couple 2,couple 1, couple 2 etc or you friend dh friends partner. How would any other way be fair?!

Some people are absolute skanks when it comes to rounds, just say no if you can't afford it.

Original poster
kentishgirl · 22/09/2014 13:29

DP took matters into his own hands, finally, at the weekend. We haven't really discussed this properly between us, but I had made a few 'just stop buying her drinks then' comments, but he said that would be wrong/embarrassing/there's always been a culture of rounds among his friends etc.

He went out Friday night without me, and bumped into the two of them. Friend bought a round of drinks for all three of them. DP's turn. He said he suddenly thought 'Fuck her' and bought only his friend a drink. Nothing was said (don't know if it was even noticed) but he got a pat on the back from me when he told me.

But then he was out on Sunday with friend and another male friend. Got to his turn to buy a round and at that moment friend's Gf and other friends wife arrived (not expected) so he ended up buying them all again. After which they all left. So yet again he ended up buying more drinks - and bearing in mind that we only drink pints, and his friends all drink branded Spirits (doubles at that!) or large glasses of wine, it gets very expensive. He rebelled and only bought friend's GF a small wine instead of a large one, felt a bit embarrassed by that, but managed to live through it. He was doing the maths when he got home and worked out he'd spent over £20 and had three beers himself (value about £9).

His friends all earn plenty; we don't. I don't think it's deliberate on their part but it's not possible for us to keep up in this way.He's starting to see my point that you don't HAVE to join in with rounds at all - we should just buy our own drinks.

OP posts:
ssd · 22/09/2014 14:09

are you sure these are friends? they dont sound like it to me.