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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she should put her hand in her pocket now and then

104 replies

kentishgirl · 19/09/2014 09:06

DP's friend's girlfriend.

I buy rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP buys rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP's friend buys rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP's friend's girlfriend has never bought a drink for herself or anyone else.

It's that whole 'couples count as one person' thing, isn't it. Or it could be that she thinks she is so special we all love buying her drinks and she doesn't need to return the favour.

It boils my piss.

DP says don't worry about, it's selfish of her, but he's not going to make a fuss over it.

WIBU to tell her being blonde and skinny and giggly doesn't excuse you from buying rounds?

OP posts:
fairylightsintheloft · 19/09/2014 09:43

yy to all the "couples buying together thing" but also, depending on how long you are out for, you may not need 4 drinks so you may have to hold over a round til next time - its then up to someone to remember whose turn it is.

StripyBanana · 19/09/2014 09:44

Careful bluejeans - when my grandpa passed away there was a lot my nan couldn't do as she'd never needed to! (She never drove at night, on motorways, paid for things, couldn't write a cheque (it was a qhile ago...))

Kewcumber · 19/09/2014 09:48

My mum hadn't ever put petrol in the car when my Dad walked out. I don't think she saw it as a badge of pride!

cakecake · 19/09/2014 09:51

Oh god, when i first started reading this i thought it was about me until i saw the blonde, skinny, giggly bit

DP and I probably do this, if we are together then we use our joint account...but we do make it so that one of us goes twice and normally DP has his joint account card more often than i have mine.

I hope none of our friends think this about us! Confused

StripyBanana · 19/09/2014 09:53

I think its quite normal for couples to act as a couple isn't it? I'm quite surprised by the OP.

Viviennemary · 19/09/2014 09:56

Next time just buy your own drinks. Or don't go out with them at all. Or just leave it up to the two men to buy drinks and then settle up with your partner afterwards. This would annoy me too.

ApocalypseNowt · 19/09/2014 09:58

You either need to do the same as them (i.e. buy rounds as a couple) or when it's her turn tell her that it's her round.

Don't sit there boiling your piss. It's not healthy.

Only1scoop · 19/09/2014 10:00

Does the fact that she sits there a little 'spoilt pwincessy' annoy you more than the actual financial side? Wink

Kewcumber · 19/09/2014 10:03

And frankly boiling piss sounds both unhealthy and somewhat dangerous

WiseGuysHighRise · 19/09/2014 10:11

It really does depend on whether it is:

OP buys 4 drinks
Friend buys 4 drinks
OP's DP buys 4 drinks
OP buys 4 drinks
Friend buys 4 drinks
OP's DP buys 4 drinks

or

OP buys 4 drinks
Friend buys 4 drinks
OP's DP bus 4 drinks
Friend buys 4 drinks
OP buys 4 drinks
Friend buys 4 drinks
OP's DP bus 4 drinks
Friend buys 4 drinks

1st scenario means Friend and GF are freeloading. 2nd one is fine.

Original poster
kentishgirl · 19/09/2014 10:13

I didn't realise it was so common for couples to do this. It's not how it works with my friends. We all chip in for our own rounds, regardless of whether we are in a couple or there on our own. If there's too many of us for that, we'll have a whip instead. On the whole. I'm not sitting there counting drinks or anything, it all works out quite informally. There are occasions where it's DP buying 'our' drinks, or me buying 'our' drinks. But it's not always him.

I'm not going to stop buying drinks. I like buying drinks for people. It's a nice feeling, my money, my round, here you go, cheers thanks, it's a reciprocal thing between adults. Why should I miss out on the pleasure of buying a round to even things out with a tightwad*?

A question then as I'm astonished at the number of women who never go to the bar. I do get the idea of couples buying as a whole unit. It does work out best when you only want a couple of drinks. But why is it always the man then? Why do you never take your turn?

*tightwad. Yeah, she is. Sorry to drip feed but they are not married, they do not live together, they do not have combined finances. In addition it's an on and off relationship. Sometimes they are a couple. Sometimes they are 'just friends'. From the outside there's no difference in their behaviour. For the first year I knew them they were just friends, but always did everything together. She was officially single. She still never bought a frigging drink. Then they were offically dating, and she still never bought a drink. Then they split up and still do everything together and she still doesn't buy drinks. DP was the one who brought the drinks thing up. He said over the years he's bought her loads of drinks and she's never ever bought him one in return. She seems to think just attending along with a man in whatever capacity excuses her from all this.

OP posts:
Teeb · 19/09/2014 10:17

I think the. You need to place the expectation onto the man of the couple to sort it out. Either he asks his girlfriend to pay up, or he accepts he pays on her behalf and he takes two of the rounds to himself. He can't expect you as a couple to subsidise her.

WiseGuysHighRise · 19/09/2014 10:19

No OP it's not usual for a couple to only buy 1 drink for every 2 they receive - that's just weird! And stingy.

And to be honest, while I don't mind going to the bar, I'm quite glad for DH go if he wants to. Saves me hobbling over in my heels! But then I seem to have a camel like bladder so it usually fts with his many trips to the toilet!

PiperRose · 19/09/2014 10:21

Op. YANBU this is really annoying. You need to adapt the couples approach.

For those of you who do operate the couples approach when out with single friends, do you not see how ubfair it is? It really irritates me as a singleton when people do this.

Original poster
kentishgirl · 19/09/2014 10:24

'Does the fact that she sits there a little 'spoilt pwincessy' annoy you more than the actual financial side?'

Ha, yes. She's not actually that bad, she's quite nice I suppose, just rather girly girly and that's not what I'm used to.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 19/09/2014 10:25

But it doesn't matter who is buying, who goes to the bar or how couples split their finances. Four people are drinking and one peson isn't paying anything.

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 19/09/2014 10:25

When we go out with singletons I usually skip a drink on their round (partly on purpose and partly because I'm a slow drinker) and DH usually buys two rounds to their one.

If you have a problem about something use your brain and tell them

Vitalstatistix · 19/09/2014 10:34

So just look her in the eye and say "I got the last ones in, I think it's your round"

If nobody challenges her, she'll carry on letting you all pay for her. If you don't like it, then remind her she hasn't got a round in yet.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/09/2014 10:37

I'm never in rounds as I don't drink alcohol but would do this with coffee 'rounds'. Imbalances become apparent so quickly and it does leave a bitter taste.

Confused at the simpering princesses on this thread. You really do this? It's not a good thing, you know. I certainly wouldn't be proudly confessing my ineptitude dressed up as being so-very-special-that-HE-just-wants-to-take-care-of-me. I'm not referring to the couple/couple round-buying thing, that's just sensible, particularly if you don't want to feel obligated to drink more than you want to.

Jill2015 · 19/09/2014 10:51

You either need to do the same as them (i.e. buy rounds as a couple) or when it's her turn tell her that it's her round.

Yes, you should either say it out straight, or stop buying twice for every one round from him. Doesn't matter which one of you, or DH goes to the bar, but just make it clear.

WiseGuysHighRise · 19/09/2014 10:51

Ultimately, if Pete and Karen are going on a night out with Emma and Ian and they all have the same amount to drink but Pete and Karen have spent 20 and Emma and Ian have spent 40 then both Pete and Karen are a pair of takers!

The only defence is if Pete and Karen are deliberately buying less because Emma and Paul drink champagne cocktails each round and Karen and Pete drink lime and soda.

Can't abide people/couples who don't pay their way.

Viviennemary · 19/09/2014 10:53

This would be mean but it might make them stop and think. Don't buy her a drink on you and your DP's round. Just say oh I thought you were buying your own.

WooWooOwl · 19/09/2014 10:55

I rarely go to the bar, DH likes doing it and I'm happy to let him. I do keep a mental note to ensure that we are paying our fair share though.

2cats2many · 19/09/2014 10:56

I can't stand people who don't buy their round. Mind you, I bought a round of drinks on my DH's birthday and it cost £58!! Bloody expensive London pubs.

As long as they are, between them, buying 2 rounds out of 4,no problem. However, if they are buying 3 rounds out of 4, that's plain bad mannners.

eddielizzard · 19/09/2014 11:00

would annoy me too.

well i'd agree with dh before we arrive to take turns and that we'd alternate with the other couple. if they choose for always the dp to go, then that's their choice. no business of yours. so i'd say something like 'ah dh, it's our turn to buy drinks. shall i go or you go?'

then it becomes very obvious that you're expecting to pay only half the drinks from now on but isn't a direct confrontation.

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