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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think she should put her hand in her pocket now and then

104 replies

kentishgirl · 19/09/2014 09:06

DP's friend's girlfriend.

I buy rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP buys rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP's friend buys rounds of drinks for all of us.
DP's friend's girlfriend has never bought a drink for herself or anyone else.

It's that whole 'couples count as one person' thing, isn't it. Or it could be that she thinks she is so special we all love buying her drinks and she doesn't need to return the favour.

It boils my piss.

DP says don't worry about, it's selfish of her, but he's not going to make a fuss over it.

WIBU to tell her being blonde and skinny and giggly doesn't excuse you from buying rounds?

OP posts:

Butterpuff · 19/09/2014 11:06

Rounds are also a pain unless everyone drinks at the same rate. In our group we have some really, really slow drinkers and some average and some fast. The fast ones end up buying far more as they are ready quicker, but they sometimes miss out the slow ones. It all gets very confusing so best to buy what you can afford or just buy for yourself and not do rounds at all.

RiverTam · 19/09/2014 11:07

gosh, we never bought as a couple until I went part-time when DD was 2. When we both worked full time and didn't have DC we had separate bank accounts and thus bought separate rounds. Same with everyone I know.

These days we are more interchangeable but it's never 'I never take my wallet out when I'm out with DH' - I dunno, it just sounds a bit feeble that once you are a couple the woman never goes to the bar (which seems the case in many examples in this thread). Sometimes he pays and gets the round in, sometimes I do - whatever, it doesn't matter.

I would come out with it and just say 'isn't it your round now?' and put her on the spot. State of their relationship is neither here nor there, you shouldn't be subbing her.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/09/2014 11:07

WooWoo... I didn't mean couples where one likes to go to the bar particularly, there's no need to take turns in actually traipsing up to the bar if one of them prefers to do that. It's the ones who just sit there, steadfastly maintaining that they've never done it in their lives and won't do it now and priding themselves on their husband's acceptance of this because they almost certainly have 'boys jobs' and 'girls jobs' stuckfast in their heads.

Siarie · 19/09/2014 11:16

Lmao it's not at all about boy jobs or girl jobs. Wow you sound either jealous or strangely bothered by the fact some couples work like this.

I just prefer not to stand at bars, DH is happy to do it. To be frank we don't tend to frequent those types of standing bars anyway, these days we are served our drinks.

It's just the way we like to work, I rarely fill up the tank (not that we drive it much anymore) but when we did he did that. Of course I know how but I just didn't enjoy it, just like he doesn't enjoy ironing. I think you pick your roles, I never wash up because I hate it so DH does it when there is something that can't go in the dish washer.

I really don't think it matters, I agree payments should be fair but you can work that out however you want. There is no point getting your pants in a twist over the way other couples like to work :)

Siarie · 19/09/2014 11:17

Oh and you should take a trip to Italy, shock horror the ladies menu have no prices ...

hormonalandneedingcheese · 19/09/2014 11:19

Why don't you just do a whip? O do it as a couple but separate? That way for example:

Your turn as a couple -you pay
Your friend as a couple- he pays
Your turn as a couple - your DH pays
Friend as a couple - he pays or tells her it's her turn.

We do whips, thee's 2 couples and 2 single people so we all put in the same amount. Even when it's just the couples we split fairly.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 19/09/2014 11:21

You phrase it as 'our turn' and then you or DH take turns between you.

then it's 'you guys turn' - meaning him or her.

bluejeansandbabies · 19/09/2014 11:28

Just wanted to add, I don't not go to the bar because its 'a boy's job' it's just never come up, I'm sure I could manage it.

And don't worry stripybanana I'll be ok, when he's gone, I can mow the lawn and put my own petrol in the car and everything.

Zucker · 19/09/2014 11:35

I think for this one couple I would follow their lead on the rounds.

So either you OR DP get the round
Friend gets the round.
Repeat.

The friend may get a clue when his night out is suddenly costing him that bit more. Cheeky gits.

Crinkle77 · 19/09/2014 11:40

YANBU I had this a few months ago. My friend came to visit from America and brought his girlfriend with him. When we went out he would get a round, then I would and so on but she never put her hand in her pocket so I was effectively subsidising her. I was annoyed but just said nothing as they were on a visit but if it was a more permanent thing I would have to say.

rookiemater · 19/09/2014 11:45

YANBU to be annoyed. Next time just make a thing with your DH of saying - oh who's round is it and treat them as a couple so if you got the last round in say to them "Your guys turn now" or if that's too awkward agree with your DH that when it should be her turn, you'll both let the drinks get empty and see what happens rather than jumping up and filling in her blank.

When I worked in Austria it was so much more civilized, when there was a group of people they would automatically give you a separate bill for your drinks and food for each person. I'm sure in other countries they don't have such a British stiff upper lip about effectively subsidising someone else.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/09/2014 11:55

Siarie... It would be pitiful to be jealous of something like that. My husband has a tendency to treat me as some kind of delicate being and I'm not, I don't like it either. I appreciate what he does for me and he appreciates what I do for him but I am independent and like it that way.

I'm sorry that my words impacted you so much; I can see why. :)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/09/2014 11:58

rookie... Is that because there aren't 'pubs' as such, alcohol is drunk with meals and it's easier to separate bills? Most of my family is Austrian. I don't remember seeing any pubs ever actually?

I think treating them as two couples would be the easiest. One of the two is responsible for the round and then the other one gets the next one.

skyeskyeskye · 19/09/2014 12:03

If I go out with couples, then I stick to buying my own drinks, otherwise I end up buying two every time for them and only getting one back between each couple. If we go out as a mixed group, or a girls night, then we have a kitty and everybody chucks in £10 or £20 depending on where we are. Much fairer as long as everyone is drinking similar.

Paying as a couple only works if all couples do the same

ilovesooty · 19/09/2014 12:19

Tell them it's their round. They can decide who actually pays for it.
I'm another who can't get over the women who don't like going to the bar so their male partners do it.

Siarie · 19/09/2014 12:25

Spoken like a true woman LyingWitch

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2014 12:50

If they're acting like one unit, why don't you? Your DH gets a round, then her DH, then yours... A bit 1950's; but certainly fairer and cheaper

seaweed123 · 19/09/2014 12:50

I've never really thought about this (possibly because I can't remember the last time I actually sat in a pub for long enough to have 4 drinks). However, on reflection, I tend to change my behaviour based on who I'm with.

If it's just me and DH, we take turns (regardless of whether we are paying out of separate spends, or a joint pot).

With some friends we buy per couple, and then the men tend to go to the bar for some reason. With other friends we each buy separately, so take turns.

I think we've just fallen into those habits, and do it without thinking. Maybe OP's friend is the same, and would just take a wee nudge to be aware of it.

Stealthpolarbear · 19/09/2014 13:04

Pocket money beeraykay?

fromparistoberlin73 · 19/09/2014 13:12

yanbu

just say something, but in joking friendly manner, but say it! be brave, and be ready for a fall out (maybe)

Plan B, agree either you, or DH buys all the rounds one night- easier

RoganJosh · 19/09/2014 13:19

What would happen if you just sit tight when it's her turn?
Don't fill the awkward gap by jumping up to get a round? If her boyfriend says he'll get it, then you could say it's nice of him to cover her round. Or you could say that you thought it was her round.

Viviennemary · 19/09/2014 13:53

That's a good idea Rogan. But whatever you do don't let her carry on like this. Or try saying are we buying rounds as couples or singly. But with friends you really shouldn't have to resort to this.

ApocalypseNowt · 19/09/2014 14:28

I prefer it if i go to the bar rather than DH as:

a) he stands there like a spare part and approximately eleventymillion people end up pushing walking calmly in front of him and

b) i can carry 4 pints all by myself without a tray. I realise this impresses relatively few people but i can live with that

ApocalypseNowt · 19/09/2014 14:28

And no, I don't have massive man-hands. I am just awesome

Original poster

kentishgirl · 19/09/2014 15:06

I an carry four as well :-)

I used to know a woman who could stick one in her cleavage and do 5!

OP posts:

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