Woman who is blind in the Quiet Coach - was I unreasonable? [Title edited by MN at request of OP]

[TheOpaqueAndJelliedTruth]

I was going to post this on the thread about small, unreasonable irritations, but I don't actually know if I was being unreasonable. I was in the quiet coach on a long-distance train, trying to sleep. They'd just done the 'and coach B is the quiet coach, please do not use mobile phones etc.' bit. I know sometimes they book you into a quiet coach automatically, but I'm pretty certain they don't on this train. FWIW.

A woman was using a phone that played messages to her, quite loudly. After a few minutes when it was clear she wasn't planning to stop anytime soon, I got up and said excuse me, this is the quiet coach, would you mind not using your phone? She totally ignored me, so I repeated myself, and I realized at this point that she was blind (hence, obviously, needing her phone to play her messages, which I hadn't cottoned on to).

The bloke sitting next to me said, as I sat down, that she was probably using her phone because she was blind - I got the impression he meant I'd been unfair to ask her to stop.

What do you reckon? On the one hand, obviously she has a disability. On the other hand, it's still rude to be disturbing a whole coach of people, many of whom were clearly trying to sleep. And I've no clue why she completely ignored me, as obviously she could hear.

emily, honestly, if I had realized beforehand, I doubt I would have said anything, and certainly not as early on as I did.

That said, it might be other people found it more obvious she was blind, as the guy sitting by me had clearly figured it out, and possibly he'd noticed before I got up to speak to her, though I can't know. So I should probably have thought more carefully before I did that.

fly - yes. She completely ignored me and carried on.

I certainly didn't expect her to move seats. TBH, I felt bad for asking once I realized and didn't expect her to do anything, though it was annoying and I'm not about to pretend it wasn't.

I do understand better why she might have ignored me, though, now.

She wasn't deaf if she was playing her messages out loud just rude IMO. A quiet coach is a quiet coach is a quiet coach.

Wow how patronising Emily. Are we supposed to tip toe around blind people like they are special cases. I can assure you the blind people I know would be quite cross that you we'd treat them any differently to a sighted person.

The completely ignoring thing is a bit weird. So is the carrying on for ages thing. For me it all turns on whether she realised.

It wouldn't bother me tbh, I would take the view like some PPs said, she would have to overcome a lot of obstacles to travel alone, and would possibly feel vulnerable. There are also quite a few conditions that affect sight and hearing (usher syndrome for example) which may mean headphones weren't suitable.

I'm of the view that if you can suck up some inconvenience to acccomodate people with extra needs, you should. Disclaimer, I have a disability and two of my DC have a sensory loss.

Of course you didn't know before you approached her that she was blind so can't really say YABU but I think you would BU to complain once you were aware.

It's not very patronising Madame, it's at worst a little patronising, mostly just considerate, really no need for the "wow" - save that for something really shocking or wonderful.

Yes I know the OP didn't know the woman was blind at first. But she knows it now and yet still started this thread.

I think yabvu tbh. Can't believe you actually walked up to her and said something about her using her phone. And earphones aren't always the best thing when you need to also be able to hear everything around you. Earphones are a distraction from that. Were you using your phone? Was anyone else? Speech software might be a minor inconvenience to you, but no doubt a vi is a major inconvenience to her. Jeez

No, I wasn't using my phone. I knew I was in the quiet coach.

When I spoke to her, I assumed she simply didn't realize where she was. I didn't know she was blind.

I don't really think it is unreasonable to ask people without disabilities to abide by the rules, especially when it's a long-distance journey and most people are going to be trying to sleep. So, that's why I approached her.

So op, do you think you are unreasonable now that you know she has a vi?

Wow you're doing it to me too!

This is one of those life conundrums! I don't think she should have had to move to the "vestibule" or another to listen to her messages for her own and others safety. Also, it could be argued that a sighted person could still use their mobile phone to read/send messages, but a partially sighted person who needs VI is not being treated in the same way.

Headphones or turning the volume down may have been an option, but maybe there we're hearing difficulties too.

I'd plump for you bring intolerant rather than unreasonable, you could have considered it a conversation - which are still allowed even in the quiet coach! Also maybe her need to access her messages was greater than your need to sleep (but adults who sleep or pretend to on trains/public transport are a pet hate of mine)

Um ... I've kinda covered that haven't I, dancing? What with the question in the OP and the several posts acknowledging I likely wouldn't have spoken to her/spoken to her so early on if I'd known?

bell - oh, gosh, no, it would be ridiculous for her to keep getting up to go to the corridor (and on a practical note, really useless IME as train doors shut so slowly, you hear everything!).

I found it more disruptive than a conversation. It was pretty loud (so perhaps her hearing wasn't great, as people have suggested, though I was loud enough for her to hear if she could hear her messages).

I'd no idea people find sleeping on public transport an issue. Why?

If you don't think ywbu why are you even asking here? And why say "I didn't know she was blind" when subsequent awareness of this doesn't change your view

Why do you think I don't think I was being unreasonable?

I haven't said that. I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask a non-disabled person to be quiet, and I've said that to explain why I'd initially approached her.

I started the thread because I wondered what other people thought about it.

Well it wasn't clear to me op having looked back at all your posts, but if you think you were bu, then not sure why you posted in the first place.

I wanted to know what other people thought. You know, the usual reason for posting. And lots of helpful posts resulted, so, this is good.

Not sure quite what you're unhappy with there.

TheOpaque, I can only speak for myself, but you're an adult- do you really need a nap? Read a book, write a novel, learn a language - life's too short to snooze

I particularly dislike the disingenuous traveller who is always asleep at stations (and usually sits in the outside seat with a spare next to them) but miraculously wakes up a few minutes after departure and falls asleep again just as the train pulls into a station!

Maybe I should start my AIBU thread!!!

Don't think I said I was unhappy did I? Although I guess it is very sad that so many people on this thread don't think ywbu. Not entirely convinced you think that either really, with the little comments that she was still using it after you had spoken to you. Sad world we live in thats for sure.

Spoken to her, even.

Well, actually, yes, I do need to sleep! It's not a 'nap'. It's a five hour journey. Most people were trying to get some sleep.

And I promise I was being a good person and not seat-hogging. That's how come I had a bloke sitting next to me, you see.

dancing - look, I'm sorry you're so obviously fed up with it.

I'm not about to pretend I didn't find it annoying.

That does not mean I felt that she was being unreasonable, or that I felt that I wasn't being. It just means it's annoying.

I have said several times, I'd likely not have approached her if I'd realized, and I have said I maybe should have been quicker to notice she was blind.

Not really sure what else to say.