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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband took no photos of me holding newborn son till 3 weeks in

85 replies

joinupthedots · 17/09/2014 09:05

Our son is now nearly 4 months old and I'm realising how devasted I am not to have these early photos of me holding him. There are some head shots of me with DS but none of me cradling him. I'm really upset about it and finding it hard to get over at the moment especially as I seemed to take photos of everyone else with him. Did this happen to anyone else? Am I being unreasonable feeling so gutted?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 17/09/2014 09:08

I would be gutted but at the same time you can't change it so it's probably best to let it go.

I think the best way to guarantee you get a pic when you want one is to ask someone else to take one, Unfortunatly not everyone places the same value on photos so may not think to do it without prompting

notagainffffffffs · 17/09/2014 09:10

What sirzy said!dont let it get you down, its happened now and would be a shame to spoil your relationship with dh

PinkAndBlueBedtimeBears · 17/09/2014 09:11

I have the same problem with my dp, he would literally never take a photo unless I said 'oh, can you take a photo' which ruins the moment often. It's upsetting, I was doing dds photo album the other day and there are no photos of me and her in there that arnt selfies I've taken of us both :(

TeamScotland · 17/09/2014 09:11

Not unreasonable to feel gutted, I would. However, there's nothing you can change about it. If you dwell on it you'll just keep feeling bad.

It isn't the same but I had eleventy trillion pics of my PFB and not so many of my second. This was inadvertently cured by DH buying me a fancy camera for my birthday.

Get lots of photos of you with your baby from here on in. Newborns are lovely but only become so gorgeous you could eat them after a few months (IMO).

Marmiteandjamislush · 17/09/2014 09:12

YANBU to be upset, but you would be unreasonable to let it become a big issue. Is there something else behind the upset? I don't mean to pry, but the tone of your post suggests there's more to this. Also, I think men (well, my husband anyway) are not big photo takers, I think they don't connect to images so much so he may not have realised it was important to you. Another thing, would you have wanted photos before 3 weeks in? I know I looked like the living dead before 6 weeks and I was so knackered photos were the last thing on my mind!

Original poster
joinupthedots · 17/09/2014 09:13

Finding it really hard to let it go, in the first few weeks I was just so focused on DS that I didn't realise. After that I have asked but its been a struggle getting him to take them. I feel like I'm the only mum this has happened to as can't find any other similar posts anywhere online...

OP posts:
StillaChocoholic · 17/09/2014 09:13

Not unreasonable to be upset about that but try not to dwell on it. My DH took barely any pictures of me with DS when DS was first born, the pictures I have are ones that my mum took. He still doesn't take many but I did speak to him and told him I wanted more pictures of us together and he has got a bit better.

CommanderShepard · 17/09/2014 09:14

Did you ask him to take photos of you and your son?

fasterthanthewind · 17/09/2014 09:14

Interesting. V similar experiences here.

On the pictures bit, I think YABtotallyU - pictures don't matter.

But what hurt me was WHY DH didn't feel that this was something he wanted to do. Why didn't he feel that these moments were something HE wanted to recall?

fasterthanthewind · 17/09/2014 09:15

NB - same experience here, though actually DH didn't take pictures of the children alone either, let alone with me. Still doesn't.

allisgood1 · 17/09/2014 09:16

Take lots of selfies. Don't get too worked up, you can't change the past.

Surfsup1 · 17/09/2014 09:17

Did no one else take photos? GPs? Friends? Might be worth asking around?

Original poster
joinupthedots · 17/09/2014 09:20

@marmiteandjamislush there are probably a few other things going on - I lost my mum last year and struggle to remember her as well as I'd like, I feel like now I'm going to struggle to connect to and remember the newborn days.

It has also been a bad week as was our 2nd wedding anniversary on Monday and DH messed up, didn't get me any flowers and only wrote me a card in the other room when he got home from work. Wouldn't be a big thing but it has happened a few times before on big occasions and I've told him how important it is to me that he does something small to make me feel special. I know the main thing is that I have him and that he is supportive, kind etc. Also that I have DS who is wonderful, happy and healthy. You know when you just can't shake something from your mind...

OP posts:
whatever5 · 17/09/2014 09:20

The main thing is that you have early pictures of your son. It doesn't really matter whether you were in them or not. I don't think your DH is to blame for this either - he may not have remembered to take any photos but at the same time, you didn't remember to ask him!

Crumbelina · 17/09/2014 09:21

YANBU. I agree - take lots of selfies from now and it won't seem as much of an issue in the months to come.

I don't think my parents took any photos of me until I was about 4. Thanks Mum and Dad! Sad

OddBoots · 17/09/2014 09:22

I think it depends on the reason why, it only recently occurred to me that I take fewer photos than most people. It's not because I don't want to remember precious times it's because those precious times are imprinted in my brain so it doesn't occur to me. My dh has a poor long term memory so takes lots of photos to remind himself of things.

Hexu2 · 17/09/2014 09:24

I was lucky - my mother took a load.

DH did take odd one. However over the years most photos are with everyone else with the DC.

I mentioned it to DH - but he never remembers and also sometimes has a bad attitude when I ask - however the DC were around and old enough to listen - they've started wanting to take photos with me in them - they are constantly wanting my phone to do so now.

Thing is DH likes the photos when they are taken - just doesn't seem to realise someone needs to take them and it would be nice if it wasn't always me.

Original poster
joinupthedots · 17/09/2014 09:24

Thanks everyone. I did ask him early on but not as much as I should and he knows i'm obsessed with photos. But he gets very sensitive about not getting things right so is sometimes hard to ask him. I have started taking lots of selfies but they are always such bad quality, but I guess they are great from a memory perspective...

OP posts:
Original poster
joinupthedots · 17/09/2014 09:24

@Hexu2 the same thing!

OP posts:
Original poster
joinupthedots · 17/09/2014 09:26

@oddboots I think my DH has a better memory for these things than me, I always take a lot of pictures. I've a great memory for facts, directions etc but special times get hazy.

OP posts:
Surfsup1 · 17/09/2014 09:27

FWIW on the rare occasions my husband takes a photo of me, instead of "cheese" I smile and say "proof of life" or "one for the milk carton".

Honestly if I dropped dead my children would forget what I look like in no time!

Stinkle · 17/09/2014 09:27

I've had the same too.

I was sorting through the million photo albums on the computer a few years ago - deleting the dross and backing everything up and realised there are only a handful with me in. Those I am in are bloody awful as DH is an utterly shite photographer.

Photography has always been my hobby, and to be fair I'm not a massive fan of having my picture taken, so it's always been me snapping away.

We have hundreds of lovely photos of DH with the children and just the odd one of me - those I am in, I'm pulling a weird face/my head has been cut off/etc.

I hand DH my camera now, and ask him. Loses the spontaneity, but at least it does look like I am on family holidays/days out.

He is a shite photographer and not really interested and would just wave the camera in our vague direction - result being bloody awful pictures of our feet. It upset me that he couldn't just put himself out for 30 seconds to take a decent picture. I had to lay it out to him, that I would like some nice photos of me with our children - he likes looking back on pictures of stuff he's done with the kids, so could he please stop acting like a dick head for 30 seconds and make a bloody effort

Original poster
joinupthedots · 17/09/2014 09:30

Out of interest. Does anyone else not have a single photo of them cradling of their newborn? I don't have a single one till 3 weeks.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 17/09/2014 09:30

I have none because I looked like shit and didn't want that recorded. I have a lovely one when DS was 11 month. I am tanned, happy and not post-csection.

Marylou62 · 17/09/2014 09:36

My 1st DS was born in the May and I forgot Fathers Day soon after....It upset my DH a lot and I was devastated and could never make it up to him... but 24 years later...he will bring it up in a jokey way but I still feel bad......He only ever took photos if I asked....then they were awful!! Is there not one of you and DS that you could edit and frame? Before it was fashionable I desperately wanted a photo of me and bump...and still feel sad when they didn't get done.....as an avid photographer I have taken loads of other people....

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