Husband took no photos of me holding newborn son till 3 weeks in

[joinupthedots]

Our son is now nearly 4 months old and I'm realising how devasted I am not to have these early photos of me holding him. There are some head shots of me with DS but none of me cradling him. I'm really upset about it and finding it hard to get over at the moment especially as I seemed to take photos of everyone else with him. Did this happen to anyone else? Am I being unreasonable feeling so gutted?

My DH was rubbish at taking photos too. He had to be asked, and then he just points and clicks without taking too much notice of what else is in the picture, whether he's got a good angle, etc.

Problem solved by having a talk with him, telling him it'd be nice if now and then he'd spontaneously catch me and DS on camera when we aren't posing or looking (they tend to be the best photos imo and the ones he particularly loves when I take photos of him). Buying a really good camera also helped - I can edit and crop and make them much better without losing the picture quality.

I have 1 picture of me cradling newborn DS taken by DH. Unfortunately I'm having a blood transfusion at the time, I'm so pale I'm almost transparent and the first thing about the photo that catches your eye is the big bag of blood just above my head.

However, I have a few nice snaps taken by FIL, SIL and my parents, so ask around, you may find that other people were taking photos that you weren't aware of.

I also think the suggestion that PP's have made about booking a professional photographer to take some pictures of you and DS is a good one.

I don't have any photos of me holding either of my DTDs. Literally not a single photo. DH didn't take any. I didn't realise until they were a few weeks old and then it was too late. I was pretty sad at the time (they are 9 now). There are odd pics of me with one of them when they were about a week old but nothing else. I forget now until I read threads like this!

There are no photos of me at all until i hit 18months It was maybe a sign that my F didn't give a monkeys.

My dh isn't great at taking photos, like many others I have to give him the camera and pointedly ask. I have lovely pics of him and the dc's, the ones with me in are usually terrible. I do lots of selfies, and have booked us in for a family photoshoot.

There are no photos of me with either of my sons when they were born either. More upsettingly, not a single 'whole family' photo of us all either when DS2 came home - no-one bothered although there were lots of photos of DS2's extended family with him...

Not the only mum at all - v few pictures of me with my DC even now.

Overwhelmed by all the comments, thank you :-)

@AliceLidl really great suggestions for memory box and think I will do that, I've been keeping a little diary of moments for when I have a chance.

@missingwordsround yes too true to make sure that I don't let this spoil the time we are having now.

And yes did check with friends but no luck, we don't really have much family but like many others there are some beautiful shots of the MIL with him on day 6 that I took. They do hurt me to see as she has shown almost no interest in DS and has only visited twice. Although compared to an overbearing MIL I think I'm probably on the fortunate end of things.

A few people asked about PND which is really kind. Happily I've been lucky to have enjoyed the first 3 months enormously, I think that after a couple of really tough years I want to freeze time which is probably why I'm so funny about this. @duelingfanjo I have been thinking of how tough your situation would have been, a friend went through something similar. Tbh I've actually been feeling guilty for being upset about this when others have much more difficult things to deal with which is why I've swallowed it a bit and its just welled up now.

Anyway, DH is very sorry and hearing that I'm not alone has helped although of course I feel for all of you who share the problem.

xx

I think unless you asked DP and he refused, then it's really not something worth being upset over. Some people just don't think about taking photos. DP never takes photos unless I ask.

FWIW, the first photo of myself cuddling DS is from the day after he was born. He was born at 31 weeks. In the photo he has tubes up his nose and on his arm, and I'm smiling but my eyes are red from crying. It was my first cuddle which was amazing, but I was so sad because of the situation.

I have a "Hospital" photo album and Day 45 (our first day home) is the first photo of me holding DS without any tubes. He is absolutely tiny but it's a photo I can look at with happiness. I never look at the Hospital album unless I come across it while tidying, and it still makes me sad. So although I have photos of DS and me, I much prefer the ones at almost 7 weeks old where he doesn't look ill, I don't look sad, and we're finally home.

We have none of DS2 at all in hospital. The ones of me and DS1 are horrendous. I though I was slimcia-woman, I was still massive! And then we have none of us with DS2, we have ones of him on his own but none of us together.

If you DH isn't the thoughtful type, in my experience, no matter how much you say you want him to do small thoughtful things for you he won't be able to do it, it's just not in his nature.

Oh OP I totally get your pain. My dh is utterly CRAP at taking photos and on top of that he thinks he ok and he likes nothing better than fiddling with settings on cameras, resulting in rubbish photos.

Dd was born Christmas week and my parents gave us a gift of a brand new digital camera just before she was born (she is nearly 9 now so these cameras were relatively new then). Dh didn't bother to read the instructions and tried to work the digital camera with its auto focus and auto flash as if it were a manual camera. Result: blurry, orange dreadful photos. Pretty much EVERY photo of me and dd is unusable as he would not be told and kept fiddling with the settings. Of course, I took some lovely ones of him and dd in those early weeks. But due to his incessant fiddling with settings a lot of the ones I took turned out awful too because he had the setting wrong.

As the time we had no idea that we would never manage to have any more dc and it makes me especially sad that those early weeks are not captured the way they ought to be. I wish I could turn back the clock.........

I think I know what you're getting at. It's the lack of thought, the feeling like your image doesn't matter, the idea of not being recorded and therefore not being remembered, the idea that you're not visibly part of the family.

I have a couple with me and newborn ds whilst still in hospital, a few hours after having him. I look knackered but I love the photo because I look happy. It also kind of shows how his birth affected me. There are none at all with me and newborn dd in the hospital - loads of dh with her - and this upsets me, especially because I later developed depression and felt like I hated her - there's nothing to show that, deep down, I did love her and cuddle her and smile at her. I only have the memories of me shouting at her and pushing her away.

Same thing last year on our first ever family holiday. I was merrily taking pictures of the children and of dh and all of them together. He was also taking photos but it wasn't until we got home and compared that I noticed there were none of me. At all (apart from one where my legs were in the way). This really upset me and I told him so. What upset me most was the idea that, if I were to die tomorrow, there'd be next to no photographic evidence of me being with them at all; almost as though I never existed and therefore nothing to remind them of me - nothing for them to look back on fondly and think, "That's me with my mum," if that makes sense?

I now specifically ask him to take photos of me with the dc. Failing that I take selfies or even videos and, as much as I hate my high-pitched voice with my very obvious Barnsley twang, talk to them whilst recording.