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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband took no photos of me holding newborn son till 3 weeks in

85 replies

joinupthedots · 17/09/2014 09:05

Our son is now nearly 4 months old and I'm realising how devasted I am not to have these early photos of me holding him. There are some head shots of me with DS but none of me cradling him. I'm really upset about it and finding it hard to get over at the moment especially as I seemed to take photos of everyone else with him. Did this happen to anyone else? Am I being unreasonable feeling so gutted?

OP posts:

Stinkle · 17/09/2014 09:36

OP, I have some that my Mum took when she visited at home the day after my DDs were born.

DH even managed to completely fuck up the photos in hospital

PistolWhipped · 17/09/2014 09:37

I have three photos of me cradling my daughter as soon as she was born. I look like I've had twelve ecstasy pills (I am actually cross-eyed with fatigue and gurning) and the tot looks like one of those South American freaky midget-men that get into the Guinness Book of Records.

IMO, OP, you have issues with your DH's lack of demonstrable affection and care of you or you may have PND

ButternutBosc · 17/09/2014 09:39

Ive not got any pictures of me holding either of my dc as newborns, I looked awful though and very sleep deprived so I probably avoided pictures.

idontlikealdi · 17/09/2014 09:40

I realised the other day if I were to get hit by a bus tomorrow my children would hardly know what I looked like. DH just doesn't think to take photos, its down to me so we have tons of him and them or just them but about 4 with me in.

It annoys me, a lot.

TunipTheUnconquerable · 17/09/2014 09:41

My dh is rubbish at taking photos too, it's just one of those things. (I mostly can't take them myself because I have essential tremor.)

So I've trained up dd and given her her own camera. But I don't have pics of me cradling newborns, unless a relative took some and I don't know about it.

Hollycopter · 17/09/2014 09:44

I have a load of my husband and DS in the hospital but none of me. It really makes me sad to think of it. If I have another DC I'll be handing the camera to one of the midwives.

I don't think DH realised until I got home and got a bit upset at never being in photos. He's a lot better now, though I find camera phones don't help because I have to go get his phone and send myself the photos I want or I'd never see them.

theDudesmummy · 17/09/2014 09:44

I can see why you would be upset, but personally I am very glad I have no such pictures of myself, I looked a horrible wreck those first few weeks (aged 45 and had an emergency caesarean and a premature baby, not a good look!). I have literally thousands of pics of DS from the day he was born onwards though, and that is what I really love! His sister was doing her A-levels in photography and he was the subject of her project for the year!

HelloDoris · 17/09/2014 09:45

There is one picture of me and DD1 and none of DD2 and I. It annoys me greatly but DH just doesn't seem to think, so I have to prod him into taking the pictures which sometimes spoils the moment. No idea what to do to change the situation he's not one for technology, his phone does not have a camera. Bah!

Iggly · 17/09/2014 09:45

I don't think I have many of me cuddling as as a baby but I can remember it so don't feel the loss. I have pics of ds as a newborn which is enough for me.

Do you feel happy as a mum? How have you found the early days?

DH is obsessed with capturing moments on camera - drives me mad as how can he enjoy it if we have to stop and pose!? I prefer spontaneous shots.

PlumpPartridge · 17/09/2014 09:46

I always have had to ask my DH, and so I just expect to do so. To be fair, after 3 years of marriage he is starting to ask if I'd like a photo.

I'm sorry you missed out on the early photos, but I doubt that he meant it maliciously. He might just be one of those people who needs reminding.

BigBoobiedBertha · 17/09/2014 09:47

I think it is just that men don't do sentimental like women an don't think of it as recording family history. On top of that, if he isn't one for taking photos anyway and wouldn't take them unless prompted you can see how it happened. I don't have very many with me and DS1 either. Ihave several of Dh and DS because I took them! There is one of me with DS and DH that the midwife offered to take but I can't think of many others.

I always have to ask DH to take photo if I want one although I was a bit hurt recently, at DH 50th birthday - 16 people out to dinner on a long table, me taking pics of everybody at the ends and down the opposite side to me. I asked DH to take some pictures of my side of the table. I was sat directly opposite to him, and he took pics of all the people to my left and right but somehow the only bit of me that appears in a photo is my left elbow. He had no idea and was a bit embarrassed and apologetic but it was too late by the time I noticed. It does look like I wasn't even there from the photographic evidence. I was't happy so I sympathise with you - yours is a bigger deal than mine.

Like others I do think you have to let it go if your DH is otherwise a good man and didn't do it to wind you up or somehow rewrite history. I agree with taking selfies or setting your camera up on a timer so you can get a posed shot without it looking like a selfie. The important thing is that you have some of DS and how he changed in 4 months. You will cherish those In years to come.

Bouttimeforwine · 17/09/2014 09:47

I didn't have many at the hospital with my firstborn so asked specifically for more, with my second. We have none

It is sad to think you have no evidence of something that is important to you.

BigBoobiedBertha · 17/09/2014 09:49

P.S. I actually pretty crap in my few photos - tired and haggard - so it might be a blessing there were so few photos.

thisismypassword · 17/09/2014 09:50

My husband is not a photo taker. I took selfies and asked him to take photos of me and our newborn. It's been this way for over 10 years! I had/have no problem. Do you think there's another reason you're upset and you're just projecting your feelings onto this insignificant detail?

missingwordsround · 17/09/2014 09:53

Your need for photo's is completely understandable, and so is being upset.

BUT don't let this spoil your precious time with your new son and this special time as a family with your husband. It really does fly by, so savour every moment! As pp said, at least you have some photo's of your newborn.

Having a child is so emotional (particularly after losing someone as close as your mum) and no less so for your DH.

Cut yourself and Dh some slack - and start taking more photo's now- ask everyone who visits to take one of you with your baby and/or get yourself a selfie stick!

selfie stick

If you can afford it, organise a professional photographer - a lot have offers on in October/November time as the wedding season is coming to a close.

Good luck and hope you feel better about this.

travelswithtea · 17/09/2014 09:57

Much the same as everyone else who commented. I always have to ask for a picture (hinting just doesn't work!! "Oh, don't we look dandy what with the nice shade of the apple tree dappling on our faces and DC smiling and me having clean hair and all? We should really remember today!!" gets absolutely no photographic response from DP).
Then the photos when they are taken after I've asked are never nicely framed and DP only ever takes ONE instead of maybe a few just to make sure I look reasonable in at least one of them. And me having to ask DP to take multiples always makes me feel like a egomaniac.
I always take a photo if it is an interesting place or pose, always make sure DP looks at least fairly good. DP does take photos when they are alone together but somehow never remembers when I'm around with DC. Oh well. Just cut your losses OP and try to move on. :)

Cutiecat · 17/09/2014 09:58

I don't have any either, of me with any of our three children. In fact it is rare to find any photo with me in it. What I did was book in a photo shoot and then got some of me and my little ones. But having said that have not done it yet with my third, and she is now three! Your little one is still so small that I think you could still get some nearly newborn shots done. Just bear in mind that when you go to a photographer there will be loads you want and you have to have nerves of steel to get out of there with just one or two. I now want to come to your house and take some photos of you myself.

BornOfFrustration · 17/09/2014 09:58

There are no photos of me holding DD as a new born, I have no bump photos either.

There are none of me and DD at her baptism, my husband and family just don't take photo's, they love looking at photo's of themselves, but don't think to take any.

It pisses me off but it's never going to change and I can't turn back time. It's so sad.

I take selfies with DD now, it's better than nothing.

nagynolonger · 17/09/2014 09:58

Just make sure you get lots taken from now on OP.

It's the same for me. Over the years I have taken most of the photographs so I'm not in many with my DC. Some holidays there were photos taken of the DC, DH, views, castles, steam trains etc. and nothing of me. I've scanned lots in recently and I've only just realised how few I'm in.

DH is pretty useless with the camera. He excelled himself at DS1 7th birthday. It was a whole class do with party games and cake (made by me) and grandparents who are no longer alive. The only thing he had to do was point the camera. He stood there with it round his neck and chatted to the other dads. The cake was cut and the party was nearly over before I realised and told him to take some photos. We have 3 general views of parents arriving and not even a close up of the party boy.

I've had photos taken of the me with DGC and I've made sure both parents are photographed holding them.

Kickassandlollipops · 17/09/2014 10:08

Tunip I have ET too, found I can't use a normal camera but a iPhone is brilliant you can take multi shots and get rid of the dodgy shots , I'm much better than Dh now!

Marmiteandjamislush · 17/09/2014 10:08

Join I'm so sorry for your loss of your Mum. You say you are having trouble remembering her, that explains why you want/ need early pictures with your son totally. As other posters have said, I would ask around if anyone else has taken any pictures. Re the anniversary stuff I would feel upset by this too, it is important to appreciate what you have as you have said, but your husband needs to do that too. Tbh, a quickly written cursory card to me is worse than no card, just going through motions -- yuck!

Perhaps suggest to your husband that you would like some family pictures to be taken, you can find some really good independent photographers in your area and many will come to your house and it can be very relaxed. I'm not a fan of studio portraits, but if you like those, venture is supposed to be good. Maybe if you talk to your husband about arranging this, it will give you a non confrontational way in to discussing how feel about your Mum, lack of pictures with ds and general thoughtlessness.

AllTheNamesIWantHaveGone · 17/09/2014 10:08

Similar story here OP. DS is 8 months old and there are only a handful of photos of me and him together (mainly taken by friends and family - not DP). Lots of really nice ones (taken by moi) of him with DP. Like others, DP has to be asked to take a photo of me - but then I wonder why I've bothered as it is usually rubbish ...

It was only by chance that I found out a couple of months ago that MIL had taken one of me holding DS in the hospital bed (don't even remember the photo being taken) and so I do now have one of just me and him on the day he was born. Do check with family - you might have a nice surprise.

It grates on me too OP even though I know that there is nothing that can be done about it. Not least because MIL (who I can't stand) has enlarged a photo of herself holding him on day one and has it bang centre on the mantlepiece ...............

Quenelle · 17/09/2014 10:15

The only photo of me after the birth is when I was eating tea and toast I don't have any of me and DS at that time. There is one of DH and DS though. I was quite hurt and sad when I realised later that DH hadn't thought to take one of me.

It bothered me a lot for a long time after but there was nothing I could do about it. Just make sure there are lots of you together from now on and you will feel less sad in time.

Sallystyle · 17/09/2014 10:22

I probably have three photos of me cuddling three of my children. I have five children.

So some don't have any pictures of me cuddling them at all.

I am phobic of having my photo taken and if I die they will be hard pressed to find some of me.

My mum couldn't afford a camera when I was a baby. There is one of the back of my head as a newborn and not any until I was about 18 mths and then there is only a couple.

theDudesmummy · 17/09/2014 10:23

If DH had pointed a camera at me after the birth he knows very well I would have smashed it to bits! But I hate pics of myself anyway.

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