Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider putting 14mo in front seat of car?

74 replies

CulturalBear · 16/09/2014 16:05

Genuinely looking for guidance here - I'm making a long journey with DS (14mo) at the weekend, a good 2 and a half hours each way, by myself.

DS is still in a Group 0+ rear facing car seat. Car is a three-door with an ability to switch off passenger airbag.

Would it be unreasonable to have him in the front next to me? I've had a couple of very bad journeys with him which have ended up being very dangerous due to distraction and not being able to assist (in a long, long stretch of sodding motorway roadworks where he would inevitably get very upset as we passed the services and been 20 minutes away from the next).

I have a mirror on the back of the seat, but it is not very helpful as the Group 0+ seats are still very low.

Thoughts, MN massive?

OP posts:
MoonlightandRoses · 16/09/2014 16:14

Hmm, you might be a bit YABU - anyway you can adjust the mirror to see better? Also, could you check now where the various services/villages/roadworks along the way are? Would help with planning where you could stop if you needed to, and to factor in likely delays, which might be less stressful for you both.

Waltonswatcher · 16/09/2014 16:14

No.
I regularly travel to Cornwall-400miles.
All my three have been in the back - dd 2 in a rf.
I take no toys or food-it rarely works to distract for more than a few minutes and causes agro if dropped.
My tips are simple- calming cd and plan the bulk of the journey around sleep times.

Original poster
CulturalBear · 16/09/2014 16:19

The mirror's not great - it's the angle that's the problem as the seat is still too low for it. We've tried propping it but to no avail. Besides, it's the easy access to DS that's the issue - he can start crying anywhere and it's not easy to reach behind him to help/reach dummy/comfort.

The problem before was simply ridiculous. Every time we passed a services he would suddenly wake up and become inconsolable. Possibly one of the most stressful experiences of my life. I was in floods of tears as well through sheer frustration. We stopped 5 times in 150 miles that day.

OP posts:
Original poster
CulturalBear · 16/09/2014 16:21

Would normally go around nap times, but he's just gone to one nap a day - which is when we're due at the destination, so one way or the other, his sleep will be out of whack.

So frustrating.

OP posts:
ilovepowerhoop · 16/09/2014 16:22

it is legal but the back will always be considered safer. Deactivate the airbag and move the seat away from the dashboard.

BertieBotts · 16/09/2014 16:26

I would do it I think. Turn the airbags off and do it.

The one thing you will get people saying (and is probably true) is that the problem is in an accident the thing that keeps the airbag suppressed can also be damaged (or may just fail for non accident related reasons) and hence the airbag can go off anyway. So there's a chance that in the small chance of an accident (and a higher chance in the even less probable event that you have a big accident) the airbag can deploy which has a chance of serious injury.

I think personally I would take the view that if you can safely replace a dummy/comfort him with putting a hand on him etc while driving that is much less stressful and distracting than him screaming constantly and hence you can have a more relaxed journey and be more in control of the car. And that if you were unlucky enough to be in a serious accident, the effects on the car and passengers are unpredictable anyway. On balance it seems like the safest option to me.

AuntieMaggie · 16/09/2014 16:31

its not easy to reach behind him to help/reach dummy/comfort. you shouldn't be doing those things and driving at the same time anyway!

AMumInScotland · 16/09/2014 16:33

I think you have to balance the potential risk of him being in the statistically-less-safe seat against the known risk that you will be distracted by him being unhappy in the back of the car.

All else being equal, the back is safer.

But all else isn't equal.

Personally, I would put him in the front - with the airbag switched off and the seat as far back as possible to reduce the risk further. That way, the driver is much less likely to have an accident due to inattention!

Original poster
CulturalBear · 16/09/2014 16:47

AuntieMaggie I'm well aware of that - but there is a safety issue. If he ends up crying so long he makes himself sick, he could potentially choke.

He is never left to cry for more than a minute, because he knows he doesn't need to. If I suddenly have to leave him to cry for 20 minutes, he understandably gets more and more upset because he can't see us (even with mirror) and ends up inconsolable. At least with a hand reaching across to pat the top of his head occasionally, he knows someone's there.

OP posts:
kkllww · 16/09/2014 16:51

I don't see the problem as long as you switch the airbag off. We used to have a VW van so had the baby seat in the front between us (no airbag of course).
It's a long time for him to be staring at the back seat. You'll be much less distracted having him next to you and he should be happier having things to look at.

juniper44 · 16/09/2014 18:16

Maybe it's time to move to the next car seat? My DD is 11mo and a pain in the arse in the car. She will sleep for the first hour or so, but then gets really bored. I think I'll be moving her to a size 1 fairly soon as she will be able to see more, and the angle is better for her.

nickelbabe · 16/09/2014 18:22

I've done a 3 gour journey with dd when sge was aboit tgat age.
sge was in a rf carrier seat.

I set off early in the morning and took my time.
dd fell asleep for the first part, then I stopped at 2 services later on.
we had drinks and a snack, and a pproper wandee round each services, and I was prepared to stop again if i needed tto.
my 3 hour journey took just under 5 hours, but because I had planned to stop and let her recover from the jjourney, neither of us wwere sstressed (whicg for ne is an iincredible achievement)

nickelbabe · 16/09/2014 18:24

nappy changes and breastfeeds were also a consideration..

and dd has eczema, so any length of time where she can scratch is dreadful for me - I had to consider that too!

concernedaboutheboy · 16/09/2014 18:29

No way. Not in a million years would I do this.

He is really not going to choke himself while upright.

A better solution would be something like DVD players that will distract him.

PedlarsSpanner · 16/09/2014 18:33

An alternative would be to deliberately lengthen your journey by going via A roads with lots more potential for safe stopping

HaPPy8 · 16/09/2014 18:35

No way would I do this. I would go with music/singing/planning stops/planning around sleep.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 16/09/2014 18:41

Absolutely not. I would rather my DC got upset and worked up than to risk it even for a moment. But t is your DS and if you are comfortable with it and confident that you can make it as safe as possible, then there is your answer.

Daftsocks · 16/09/2014 18:51

I would put him in the front personally.

Up to you though. No one can say what may or may not happen.

wimblehorse · 16/09/2014 18:52

A roads are statistically less safe than motorways so not convinced by that suggestion.
I always tried to plan around naps but it's not always possible & roadworks etc mean best laid plans....
Turning the airbag off sounds a better option to me than trying to reach back for a dummy. That said I would load up the calming cd's & aim to minimise passing dummies, snacks, calming head pats etc.

moxon · 16/09/2014 18:54

I'm with amuminscotland about the distraction and safety issue. Rear facing in the front seat, airbag disabled, seat pushed as far back as possible.

Topseyt · 16/09/2014 18:59

I never did it. Wouldn't have wanted to chance it.

I do know what you mean about the distraction though if they get bored.

I once had to make a three hour drive on my own with my eldest when she was just two years old (19 now). We were going to see my parents. She was in a real strop and grizzled and shrieked the entire journey. Nothing worked to quieten her, so I just had to grit my teeth, ignore as much as possible and get with it.

When we arrived at my parents' house the little sod monkey was suddenly all sweetness and light. My mother asked "shall I get her out of the car for you?" and I replied "you can bloody well have her if you want, until I have wound down. She's all yours!"

Bardette · 16/09/2014 19:08

I would absolutely have him in the front with you. The stress of driving with a screaming child who you are constantly trying to look at in the mirror would be incredibly distracting. I always have dd in the front with me.

chocomochi · 16/09/2014 19:18

I would put him in the front if it makes your journey easier.

I put DD1 in the front with a rear facing seat and airbags turned off practically all the time when she was younger. It was easier to soothe her. I was distraught while driving with her in the back crying.

geekaMaxima · 16/09/2014 19:42

According to the lovely people at carseat.se, the safest place for a rear-facing child it the front passenger seat with deactivated airbag.

I would put him up front.

concernedaboutheboy · 16/09/2014 20:39

Well, if that's true, then I take it back.

The trouble generally with putting children in front seats is that in this country they are usually out of rear-facing around age 1. Age 1 in the front seat in a forward-facing seat would surely be very dangerous. But I do appreciate that that's not the situation here and that the OP is suggesting a rearward-facing seat.

Swipe left for the next trending thread