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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider putting 14mo in front seat of car?

74 replies

CulturalBear · 16/09/2014 16:05

Genuinely looking for guidance here - I'm making a long journey with DS (14mo) at the weekend, a good 2 and a half hours each way, by myself.

DS is still in a Group 0+ rear facing car seat. Car is a three-door with an ability to switch off passenger airbag.

Would it be unreasonable to have him in the front next to me? I've had a couple of very bad journeys with him which have ended up being very dangerous due to distraction and not being able to assist (in a long, long stretch of sodding motorway roadworks where he would inevitably get very upset as we passed the services and been 20 minutes away from the next).

I have a mirror on the back of the seat, but it is not very helpful as the Group 0+ seats are still very low.

Thoughts, MN massive?

OP posts:
rallytog1 · 16/09/2014 20:55

How do you know he won't cry and scream in the front seat? I think that carries far more potential for distracting you dangerously, as you'll find it easier to reach over, pat his head, fish around for the dummy etc, all of which will take your attention off the road.

The point is, when they're in the back, you can't do any of those things so you don't even try (or you shouldn't). In the front, you could get a false sense of it being safer to do these things, when in reality you're getting even more distracted from driving.

Lucked · 16/09/2014 21:05

Yeah I read it was safe to do this a while back so have frequently had my dd in the front with me since she was a baby. I have had quite a few people question me on it. We have a seven seater but you can only access the back two seats by folding a middle row seat forward. My DS is in a FF car seat so DD gets put in the front if we have a full car.

MrsMook · 16/09/2014 21:13

I've put DS in the front for a long solo journey. I'd rather have a happy child and my attention focused on the road than a theoretical safer point in the remote chance that there is an accident.

soverylucky · 16/09/2014 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntieMaggie · 16/09/2014 21:19

What rallytog1 said. And I think it depends what car and carseat you have as to the safest position in the car for them to be.

hiccupgirl · 16/09/2014 21:27

I did exactly this with DS when he was under 1 because I had a long journey, he would hardly sleep in the car and would get hysterical left in the back on his own - a mirror did nothing.

I turned off the airbag and put his RF seat in the front. It was far less distracting for me to be able to see him and he was calm than try to drive with him screaming hysterically. I'd had to pull over on a previous journey because his crying was pushing me into a panic attack.

hollie84 · 16/09/2014 21:30

I would.

drivingmisspotty · 16/09/2014 21:41

My DS was a bad traveller. We would stop at services and he would be happy as larry having a cuddle/feed but even after a long stop off and full belly he would still scream as soon as I put him in the seat. I did movehim to the front seat once at a service station in desperation. I actually found it more distracting having him next to me and that I was also driving one-handed which wasn't great. BUT he did settle and nod off quicker than he would have done in the back. So it's swings and roundabouts I reckon. Why not try him in the front just around town to try first?

Also, try not to be too apprehensive after your previous experience. He is older now they can change a lot!

Forward facing calmed my DS hugely. He is a pretty good traveller now, although I know this is not the safest option in a collision.

madamginger · 16/09/2014 21:50

I would. I used to have a Citroen c3 when my dd was a baby and I couldn't get her seat in the back seat with the base because the top of the seat stuck out too much and the passenger seat didn't push forwards enough. I always had her in the front with me (with the airbag off).
And I'm a car seat fanatic, my 4 year old is still in a 5 point harness.

ChillySundays · 16/09/2014 21:53

I did all the time with my DD years ago. The pushchair wouldn't fit in the car without the back seats folded down so had no chose.

Borttagen · 17/09/2014 05:07

I'm in Sweden and this is common here and I do the same with my DS the same age when I'm driving for the same reasons you're considering it. Much safer to have a toddler rear facing in the front seat than forward facing in the back by the way - amused by the people who would never consider it but have their DC FF from way too early.

Mumto3dc · 17/09/2014 05:35

A crying baby/child pushes up the mother's blood pressure, which is not conducive to concentrating on driving!

(I had a dr try to take my BP while dd was in her pram crying, i usually have really low BP but it was coming out v high. As soon as the dr jiggled her to stop the crying he could get a low measurement!! It was a real eye-opener!)

Maybe a compromise would be to start off in the back and then swap to the front when/if he kicks off?

I would put him in the front in your scenario and I have an 8 yr old I refuse to allow in the front still so I am v car safety conscious. You have to consider the whole picture.

Original poster
CulturalBear · 17/09/2014 09:26

Thanks for all the thoughts, I'm very grateful for the input. I'm definitely tipping towards front, I can always move him back if it is more stressful!

OP posts:
specialsubject · 17/09/2014 10:43

doesn't matter where he is sitting, you cannot drive and do anything with him at the same time. Whatever road you are on, you risk killing the both of you.

so until he is happier in a longer journey, stay off the motorways and take roads where you are able to stop sooner to soothe/feed/whatever.

a crying child is a massive distraction (evolution has designed it that way!) so you need to be able to stop.

Lally112 · 17/09/2014 10:54

I have mine in front, the whole must be in the back thing is bollocks really and totally dependant on what you are driving, and if you have a collision, what you hit/ hit you, where you are hit, how hard etc.

For example, I drive a ford ranger, I could rear end you in say a picante or a panda and probably not notice not do much damage to me or anyone in mine but if your baby is in the back if yours they are going to sustain more damage from that than if they were in the front.

However if you were to rear end me (and make it past my towbar which is unlikely) and baby was in the front and not the back then again that would be worse than if they were in the back.

If you sustained a side impact there are lots more varying factors too with that.

plantsitter · 17/09/2014 11:01

Can you not set off at - or past - bedtime? That's always worked for me.

Otherwise it's your call whether or not to put him in the front. The truth is there are no certainties about safety in any situation. It is legal. You are giving this measured thought not just deciding on a whim because it's easier. I'm sure whatever you decide is the right answer for you.

George9978 · 17/09/2014 11:10

I always had mine in the front in Rf car seats. I read that it is often considered safer ( a Swedish study, with v high safe standards) as distraction is less of a problem.

I deactivated air bag, moved the seat back.

I do drive a tank though.

Iggly · 17/09/2014 11:11

I wonder why he gets upset - is he too hot? Is the foam insert taken out which supports newborns? Is the sun on him?

George9978 · 17/09/2014 11:14

Just read the posts above about having a four year old in a five point harness. I also read this is very dangerous, as if you have an accident the spinal cord is more likely to break.

I have the kiddy car seats with a bumper bar thing to stop this from happening.

slithytove · 17/09/2014 11:18

I don't see anything whatsoever wrong with this if the airbags are off.

Still safer than a front facing seat in the back.
Safer then you being distracted.

Go for it.

Patienceisapparentlyavirtue · 17/09/2014 11:19

People who say the trick is a calming cd obviously haven't had babies who really dislike the car.

I made a necessary 3 hour journey with my 12 month old in the back, forward facing as he would throw up all the time rear facing. He screamed continually, made himself sick, got too distressed to sleep and it took 5 hours and was torture for both of us, as well as exhausting and unsafe.

I couldn't ever actively recommend to put a child in the front seat, but honestly if I had my time over again I know that our journey would have been safer and better with DS next to me.

slithytove · 17/09/2014 11:23

And for those keen to move to ff as fast as possible - rf is infinitely safer as long as baby is in weight and height limits. DS was 75th centile and still in his rf cabriofix at 15 months. Their boredom or enjoyment shouldn't be a factor.

slithytove · 17/09/2014 11:23

My post was not directed at the poster above me

Writerwannabe83 · 17/09/2014 11:25

I have my DS in the front with me quite often and especially on long journeys. DS gets very upset in the car sometimes and when he's screaming it upsets me and makes it near impossible for me to concentrate on my driving. On three occasions when he's been in the back and has been really, really crying (and I mean screaming) I've had to pull over on the hard shoulder of the motorway to get out the car and get in the back seat to soothe him and it felt so unsafe - I hated it. I was more scared of injury coming to DS (and me) in the few minutes we were on the hard shoulder than any risk of him being in the front with me.

In a black and white world of course it's safer for baby to be in the back but it's not always that simple or straight forward.

unlucky83 · 17/09/2014 11:31

I do a 300 mile journey on my own with DCs a couple of times a year.
In my old pre-airbag car I regularly moved DD1 - even as a small baby - in the front seat for long journeys.
I did frequent breaks but once caught in an horrendous traffic jam. Traffic was just moving - one lane, no hard shoulder, no where to turn off etc. I was about 15 min drive away from my next planned bf stop - DD1 woke up hungry and started screaming and screaming - it took me almost 2 hrs to get to somewhere I could stop...I was in tears waving a blue plastic teddy rattle at her and singing the grand old duke of york (Hmm - only song that came to mind!) at top volume to her Sad.

I moved her into the back when I got a car with an airbag. When she was a about 2.5 I had another difficult journey (she was going through a stage of unbuckling her seat - do you stop on the hard shoulder with the associated risks? Drive to the next exit without her secured? - a bloody nightmare). Before the return journey I actually spoke to the police safety advice people about it. They basically said it was up to me to weigh up the risks - put the seat as far back as it would go etc. I had to decide what was the biggest danger - me being distracted trying to watch her in the back? Her not being secured in? Or the airbag and her being in the front...

For DD2 I had both of them in the back and that worked well ...but with just one it is v. difficult....and it is a decision only you can make (within the law of course)