To rehome or not?

[snork1]

We have had a dog for about a year but around three weeks ago he bit my son. It was an accident, my son is only three and fell on the dog and the dog was startled and bit my son but it frightened the hell out of both me and my husband and obviously the my child.
The dog is a terrier and has always been quite nervy, not with us but other people. He goes bonkers when people come to the door and then leaps all over them, not in a good-wanting-a-fuss way but a please-leave-my-house-way. We have had various behavioirists in and vet advice and so now distract him but it is always quite difficult to manage this behaviour. Now I love this dog, with all his quirks and bonkers ways but my husband doesn't, he has never really bonded with the dog. He wants me to rehome, he says he is tense all the time around the dog wondering if this will happen again. He says its not safe having other kids in the house to play. I have been trying to keep everyone apart and it is stressful and sometimes very difficult. He is massive pressure on me to find another home, when I tentatively rand round a few shelters, no-one, I mean no-one would even touch him because he has bitten, despite the extenuating circumstances.I mentioned this and my husband said that maybe putting him down was the only option and I was completely shattered and horrified. I feel so cut up inside about all this, there is such a tense, difficult atmosphere and I weep every time I look at the dog but I feel like my hand is being forced and that it is seriously effecting all the family. I have a seven year old who loves the dog but my husband is so wary he hardly lets her go near her. I have to admit it was pretty terrifying to see the dog lunge at my boy like that and I am worried it may happen again because who can foresee something like that happening??. I am at my wits end and losing sleep about it all. Looking at it rationally the dog is probably not a good fit for a chaotic young family and probably needs a calmer, adult home but am at a loss and don't know where to turn. Added to all this crap we are moving in four weeks and it all feels so stressful and unfair. I am massively beating myself up about it.

snork

I am in Derbyshire and know a couple of very good rescue centres on the Yorkshire/derbyshire border if that helps you

as I have said I wouldn't be able to keep my terrier of she bit as I wouldn't trust her and I personally couldn't risk her doing it to someone else. that decision is mine and mine alone and not something I would force someone else to do. that said I don't believe you cam keep the dog. terriers are not prone to biting when scared ime but any dog CAN turn when frightened or hurt.

pm me if you want the details

My old dog bit DC1 when he was about that age because DC tried to move him when he was fast asleep by shoving at him which made him jump and he whipped around and snapped (most likely thinking it was the other dog), catching DS's cheek. He left two puncture wounds. It wasn't the dogs fault, it wasn't DS's fault it was our fault for not being in the living room at the time and not stopping DS.

There was no way I was rehoming the dog over that, DH didn't even suggest it - we just gated off part of the kitchen (with access to the garden) and fenced off part of the garden too, so dog and dc were apart unless we were specifically there feeding or putting leads on etc. It was a faff and it did mean a lot of gate closing etc, but when dc were a bit bigger (6 or so) they knew to leave him be on his bed (he'd got even older by then and just wanted to sleep all day) and we used the gates less and less and they mixed more as dc got older. He wasn't a snappy dog or a terrier though, so slightly different to you, he was just a older dog who did not react well being made to jump. If it had been either DH or me that had woken him like that, then most likey we'd have been bitten instead of ds.

We lost the dog last year to old age, it was worth all the work to keep him (fence building and kitchen gates etc), he was a good dog and my dog before dc were even around so we had to find a solution that kept dc safe but also keep the dog. Dh was always fully supportive of me though he knew there was no way I'd ever agreed to get rid of him, if dh had tried to insist the dog went then that would have been the end of us as a couple anyway. He could most likely never have been rehomed - he was older and had medical issues and I've always had dogs and believe that you find a solution. If I were you I would have a damn good go trying to find a solution here before putting down a healthy dog. But I also wouldn't be with a Dh who didn't get that.

The wounds did leave small scars at the time but they've gone now - can't see them at all now.

Could you try something like the gate system, to keep them seperated perhaps?

I suspect you will get very different answers here from doggy and non doggy people though.

Thank you WandaWitch I am trying my hardest.

I'd rehome him- if you think it might be best for you and for him. If he's nervy anyway then your DS or another a small child might freak him out by mistake another time, maybe he needs a quieter life?

It was an accident, a lot of animals might snap but depends how nervy he is and how your DS and DH are around him now.

Hello, so sorry to hear of your dilemma. We are a terrier household too and they do behave differently to other dogs. It does sound like what has happened was an accident, and not necessarily that your dog is generally 'dangerous', but it's going to be difficult to manage the situation if you don't have the support of your husband.
I was just wondering if there is a specific welfare group for your particular breed of dog, e.g. I know there is a 'Border Terrier Welfare' group. These groups seem to often take and re home dogs with a bit of a history and you often see 'not suitable for a home with children' etc. It might be worth looking into anyway. Good luck, I know this must be really hard for you

One of our terriers had a similar accident with DD a couple of years ago. We didn't even consider re homing as DD would have been devastated. It was just the terrier being boisterous and DD being a bit silly with her. There wasn't any malice on the part of the dog.

Hi OP, another one here who recommends you ask for reposting in the Doghouse.

I'm a rescue volunteer. Lots of rescues rehome dogs to childfree homes - sadly, the arrival of one, or a second child and managing the relationships is one of the most common reasons for giving up a dog, and is the reason why many rescues won't even place a dog with a family with under 5s.

There are rescues who will take your dog. There are lots of specialist terrier rescues - Google will turn up a list for you, that you will need to work through. This one is typical, and specialises in terrier breeds, and therefore really understands them. Many of them keep their dogs in foster care rather than kennels, and are careful to homecheck thoroughly before rehoming. Although it doesn't always feel like it on MN, the proportion of dog owning homes without small children (or indeed any DC) far outweighs the number of families with small DC, so finding a childfree home is not usually difficult.

A few tips for rehoming - and this is the right thing to do, given that your H is being unco-operative.

Be honest and upfront with the rescue about the incident, and your reasons for rehoming.

Do not attempt emotional blackmail (e.g. Take the dog today or it will be PTS).

Provide all the necessary up to date paperwork, including chips, vax certificates, records of training classes etc. along with his collar and lead, etc.

Most rescues are run entirely by volunteers - be patient and don't expect them to drop everything to deal solely with you. It is also very helpful if you are flexible about transporting the dog to a foster home/drop off point etc.

If the move is the real reason for rehoming, (otherwise why mention it?) then again, be honest with the rescue, if you've chosen dogfree accommodation.

A dog would only bite my child once. I could never keep a dog in the house if it had bitten.

I know, I do understand that, I think it is very easy for people on here to immediately say to you "Oh, I'd rehome him" etc but the reality of that is incredibly difficult for you, especially if you have a difficult dog to rehome, and it is not fair on the dog whose needs also need to be taken into account.

My Dad ended up with a dog from a home that had been given up for snapping at a child. The child had fallen over on the dog, again whilst the dog was asleep (similar to ours), and the dog jumped and snapped, so the owners immediately got rid of her.

My Dad was allowed to take her by the dogs home, as there's just him, no children etc and he'd had dogs for about 50 years now (he's now 74 - still walks several miles a day with the dog irrespective of weather etc), so was confident that he could deal with her.

He does come and stay with us a fair bit though. We were cautious of her the first couple of visits with dc but, they both knew how to treat her (they were about 5 and 8 at the time) and left her be until she got used to them and she was perfect with them. They now feed her, walk her with our dogs etc. The dc always treat her with respect (don't randomly hug her, like they do our dogs), but she has never shown anything other than a good nature to them.

So I guess I am saying that it can work out for dogs rehomed for this reason, for my Dad's dog, she has fallen on her feet - it's three years on now and she is very happy, his constant companion and goes all over the country with him on walking holidays and comes and stays here with him at times and here has other dogs and children to rush around with. I think that is quite a lucky case and it was only because he was confident that he could manage her, as the dogs home were clear that she had snapped/could be a danger, so were cautious about whether they would rehome her - he recognised that she most likely snapped with a reason, not because she is by nature a vicious dog.

I mentioned the move because it is another added pressure - when re-homing from a persons home rather than straight from the kennels. We might try to find a home in this area but then we won't be here for long for people to view/meet the dog. When we move we will have to start the whole process of looking from scratch.

Forgive me, but I admit to being a bit confused here ... you've said "He has superb recall, sits, stays" but also that he "goes bonkers and leaps all over" visitors who he doesn't want in the house

I'm just not sure how those two statements can possibly go together??

puzzled that's just what terriers are like. Certain things (e.g. the doorbell) completely override everything else, and in the ensuing excitement/chaos its very difficult to attract their attention and get them to comply. Or maybe I'm just a bit shit at dog training.

Little peas you are so right! I used to be a vet nurse, I trained two rotweillers, including a rescue with aggression issues but nothing could prepare me for the stubborn mentalness that is terriers. My two are stars but NOTHING will stop them when the post comes. One has no recall whatsoever whilst the other has unless he sees a seagull!

The poor dog sounds anxious and a little unhappy. My family used to have a dog like this who had come from a home which wasn't suitable and he eventually chilled out, stopped being bitey and became a really happy playful chap.

If you can, I think he does need to be rehomed. He needs a nice quiet house with maybe only one other person in it who really knows dogs. He needs some serious training and attention. I do hope you can find someone like that, maybe try a specialist terrier rescue centre of advice?

If you really cannot rehome him then you may have to ask the terrible question - is the dog happy? Can it continue to live like this and what would be the kindest thing? I am sure you know what is best in the long run.

I could understand and forgive a dog that snapped under such circumstances, but a puncture wound is serious. It means the dog did not exercise bite inhibition and that would worry me.

I think you either need to keep the dog and the children separate long term which may be impractical, rehomed which may not be possible or PTS if all else fails.

What does the behaviourist think? He/she presumably knows the dog well and could give you a professional assessment of the dog's temperament and his likelihood of biting again.

Please rest assured the dog is not unhappy, really. I am not sure why this is being said. He's get very over-excited by visitors which is not the end of the world. They come, he gets put in a 'sit' after he calms down and then he is given something nice to play with or a kong and off he goes. The rest of the time he is just pottering round playing and being fussed. He's not being mis-treated nor is he trembling and displaying aggression. He is just a normal happy dog around us. Everyone we have had him assessed by, including the vet said he is not aggressive and it was just an accident. UNFORTUNATELY it is not one of those things I can manage, I CAN NOT, hand on heart say that something like this is never going to occur again and therein lies the problem. My husband wants my children to be safe and I can not guarantee that, so re-homing him is looking like the best option but there is also the problem that 98% of places will not take him because he has bitten. And I think the dog probably did exercise bite inhibition because otherwise the I dread to think what would have happened...

The behaviourists thinks many dogs would act in that way when in pain but can see that is not ideal around small kids unfortunately, she can not (like me or anyone) predict if that situation might happen again unless they are always kept separate. She also said he will be a tricky dog to rehome, she works in rescue and knows it is full of dogs who have never bitten and are not as excitable who need homes.

my dd fell on our dog who was asleep, he bit her with shock , but i never got rid of him , he never snapped again ,no one was scared of him after as it was a natural reaction from him , that was 9yrs ago , maybe its best you do rehome , it can probably sense your dh attitude to it , and would be happier in a less stressful home tbh.

I'd support the suggestions to post this in the Doghouse. You'll get very good advice and less just 'remove it/have it put down' responses.

Thank you only lovers but I feel that it won't really help matters, I think I thought it would clarify my own mind and it has, in a way. I thank everyone for posting but am closing this thread now.

OK, well I think it really might, but your call and I wish you all the best with the situation.

sorry snork i didnt see the bit where you said he wasnt unhappy,i feel for you in this situation , it does seem like you want whats best for him, but you need your dh to be onside if you keep him ,so it must be really hard , really hope you can find a way to do whats best for your family and the dog , good luck .

I can't tell you what to do, or offer any experience I just wanted to say I was thinking of you and what a horrid situation to be in, so sad.
I'd be truly devastated if I had to make that choice such a shame your husband can't be on board to find a solution to keep the dog, hope you all find a way to come to an arrangement where every one including the dog can be happy.

Dogs play-biting when roughhousing and wrestling is one thing - children who get painful but harmless nips that way need to be taught that puppies in particular do this. While not a desirable quality in a dog, this wouldn't concern me in the least with regards to the dog's temperament.

Dogs that bite when they get landed on or tripped over however - no way. The dogs I grew up with learnt very quickly that they lived in a house full of clumsy humans who regularly fell over them, accidentally caught them in doors and fast learnt that being trodden on was the risk you took if you chose to sleep against the sofa.

I love dogs, much more than people often, but I wouldn't want to own one I didn't feel 100% confident with around children. Honestly, I would rehome or have put down. Most probably the latter if I'm honest. I do feel for you.

Can't believe you are considering putting a healthy dog down. That's disgusting. Maybe when your son fell on the dog he probably hurt it a lot which caused the dog to react in that way. Dogs cannot verbally talk to us they have to express themselves as best they can and dogs are very clever at picking up human emotions and can probably pick up the hostile attitude towards it. Do the dog a favour and let it be rehomed to a family that will love it and actually want it.
And by the way from what you describe happened no reputable vet would put a healthy dog down on the basis of what happened. It hardly proves the dog is an out of control vicious animal does it.
My honest opinion is most dogs should only be homed with children old enough to be considerate of a dogs needs and behaviour.