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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why some women don't attempt breast feeding?

111 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 13:22

Honestly, this isn't intentionally as goady as it might sound. I just want to say that I bottle fed ds, and think that it's entirely up to the individual mother and family as to what works for them.

I'm genuinely just interested but would never ask anyone in rl.

When I had ds I started breast feeding but gave in after a week for various reasons, sore nipples, lack of privacy at the time, lack of support, I could go on. I do kind of regret it and wish that I'd persisted, although ds has turned out just fine. But I will try again with the view that if it doesn't work out then that's ok too.

Quite a few people I know who've had babies recently have not ever intended to breast feed and ff from day 1, and even though I probably shouldn't, I did wonder why they didn't want to try even if only for the first feed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 14:52

Well actually little monster I did wonder. I promise I've better things to do than try to upset any posters or start a fight. I said I'm not being goady because I'm not, but I know some poster will automatically think that I am.

I do see threads but I rarely open them as they are of no interest to me having a 6 year old and little interest in babies, however now I'm expecting I'm reluctantly thinking about feeding methods.

I just assumed I'd start off breast feeding, it's always occurred to me as the default. But I'm now reconsidering :-/ the replies are reminding me how tough it was and how wonderful it became after bottles.

OP posts:
fatlazymummy · 15/09/2014 14:52

I had a similar experience to scotchfree with my 1st baby though I only lasted 3 weeks. I didn't try breast feeding with my 2nd and 3rd babies because I found bottle feeding much easier and more convenient.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 14:54

Scotch free my experience was exactly the same.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 15/09/2014 14:56

Well there you go op, loads of good reasons why some just do not want to bf.

MsAnthropic · 15/09/2014 15:10

I often wonder how breastfeeders keep up the motivation to feed that way, through bleeding nipples etc.
Sheer bloody luck in my case.

I was very motivated and determined to BF before my son's birth, but that went disastrously and I was, in hindsight, badly prepared for breastfeeding. He lost 19% of his birth weight by day 10 and the first 3 weeks of breastfeeding were hell on earth. I had no idea what it would be like. I managed to fix the supply problem and keep going on only through the support and help of others. My exH had 6 weeks off work and he was unbelievably brilliant, I was very fortunate to have an independent midwife who would visit me and I got enormous support from a very pro-BF online group with very knowledgeable women.

If I had just had the 'help' and support available to me at the time from NCT Breastfeeding Counsellors in my area, the BF co-ordinator from the maternity ward where he was born, the health visitors or the paediatric department at the hospital, I could not have done it no matter how high my determination to do it was. As it was, I did come with in a hair's breadth of stopping even with all the help I was getting.

All the 'official' avenues of support were less than useless to me.

I went on to train to be a peer BF supporter and started breastfeeding counsellor training (but didn't finish) and I feed my son till he was 3, but I have always remembered what it was like and how utterly shit or non-existent support and actually useful information for women in this country is so I never judge any woman for stopping or not starting for that matter.

fatlazymummy · 15/09/2014 15:29

I think a woman's husband is quite an important factor as well. Mine wasn't supportive at all, went back to work the day after I came home from hospital,and didn't lift a finger in the house. I had to do absolutely everything myself (and in fact was a single parent by the time my 3rd was born).

FlipItDigger · 15/09/2014 15:30

I didn't want to. The thought of it made me feel sick.

raspberryslush · 15/09/2014 15:57

Interesting that lots of people are saying that the thought of it made them feel sick, etc

There are so many influences and breasts have become v sexualised in this country. In other countries, breast feeding is v much the norm so that feeling of it being disgusting/ nausea inducing doesn't seem to exist.

GilesGirl · 15/09/2014 15:59

I did it just to piss off the Breast Is Best People.

It worked too.

This may or may not be true.

MrsWinnibago · 15/09/2014 16:09

Rasberry if you came across my post, I indicated that the thought of it made me feel ill because they are VERY sensitive...so sensitive that they are not even part of sex for me.

I can't bear them to be touched even by accident. So that's not an issue for me...the sexualisation of breasts is beside the point.

Only1scoop · 15/09/2014 16:28

It's actually nothing to do with the sexualisation for me either.

The opinion does unfortunately seem to often be that if you choose not to Bf ....it's because your believe your breasts to be some kind of sexual Orbs placed there solely for the purpose of pleasure Confused

fatlazymummy · 15/09/2014 16:31

raspberry breasts are sexualised in lots of countries, not just this one.

MrsWinnibago · 15/09/2014 16:38

It's not a new phenomenon either. Look at what a booming trade wet nurses did WAY before the media was a "thing".

Madeyemoodysmum · 15/09/2014 17:12

Snore

LittlePeaPod · 15/09/2014 17:19

Oh god not another BF, FF thread. There's already one going at the moment and one very similar to this was up not long ago. Confused

Anyway. I BF for about 36 hours! Does it really matter why anyone stopped? No it doesn't.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 17:22

I don't really know why you reply to say snore. Noone is forcing you to read this, you can easily ignore threads which don't interest you.

I haven't been on here much lately and certainly don't search every time I post something.

And I certainly didn't ask why people stop breast feeding.

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 15/09/2014 17:28

I will rephrase. Dose it matter why anyone doesn't even try it. No it doesn't.

smokeandglitter · 15/09/2014 17:28

I'm on strong psychiatric Meds and can't. I find it upsetting that people will judge me without knowing the full story.

Yabu. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to and may not want to share every reason with you.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 17:58

Sorry I'm not judging, and the replies have made me think outside the box.

It's drummed into us that much that 'breast is best' I just couldn't understand why people didn't want to give it a go (if they could).

I've always felt quite guilty for stopping bf, as though I didn't quite do everything I could, I remember the midwife coming out and filling in some form about my feeding method, it was all very good and bf, then it was ff and it felt not good enough.

OP posts:
GiveTwoSheets · 15/09/2014 18:04

Didn't have a option with second it was like trying to get blood out of stone.

icanmakeyouicecream · 15/09/2014 18:10

They simply just don't want to. Because they don't.

Numanoid · 15/09/2014 18:13

I won't attempt it, but I have my reasons and wouldn't expect to be questioned about them - not referring to this thread, but as in by healthcare professionals/friends & family/people in the street...

MollyHooper · 15/09/2014 18:25

Do you mean you were made to feel that FF wasn't good enough Pyjama?

Pico2 · 15/09/2014 18:32

My DC have every advantage in life. FF is my way of levelling the playing field for other children. Smile

bebebringingup · 15/09/2014 18:37

Yawn. It's none of your business OP.