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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why some women don't attempt breast feeding?

111 replies

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 13:22

Honestly, this isn't intentionally as goady as it might sound. I just want to say that I bottle fed ds, and think that it's entirely up to the individual mother and family as to what works for them.

I'm genuinely just interested but would never ask anyone in rl.

When I had ds I started breast feeding but gave in after a week for various reasons, sore nipples, lack of privacy at the time, lack of support, I could go on. I do kind of regret it and wish that I'd persisted, although ds has turned out just fine. But I will try again with the view that if it doesn't work out then that's ok too.

Quite a few people I know who've had babies recently have not ever intended to breast feed and ff from day 1, and even though I probably shouldn't, I did wonder why they didn't want to try even if only for the first feed.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/09/2014 14:01

itsbetterthanabox I know what you mean about curiosity. I'd be like "so does milk really come out? Really really? How? Where from? What does it look like? How much? What does it feel like? Oh go on then - I'll give it a go."

I find it confusing when people don't want to know their baby's sex too. A surprise!?! Why would you want a surprise? I hate surprises! And how can you bear to wait?!?

JockTamsonsBairns · 15/09/2014 14:01

Havana - and C. I feel so sad for ff babies Hmm

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 14:03

I'm not being goady though, and that is the truth. I too have my own birth/pregnancy/breast feeding experience, and it didn't all go fabulously.

People get very defensive about this topic, and I do understand why. But I'm not standing here saying anyone's choices are wrong, or thinking they should do it differently.

OP posts:
OneSkinnyChip · 15/09/2014 14:05

I love the way people are appearing on the thread and pre-emptively posting the bunfight bingo phrases, which IMO lures the goady fuckers out of the woodwork. This thread has been completely reasonable so far. It doesn't have to turn into a bunfight.

Thurlow · 15/09/2014 14:06

For me the more interesting thing is why women are asked to justify or explain why they opted for ff.

I get that you aren't asking maliciously, OP. I just find it a little weird that women are asked (in general) to explain their reasoning.

honeybunny14 · 15/09/2014 14:08

Yabu

HighwayDragon · 15/09/2014 14:09

I just didn't want to.

Only1scoop · 15/09/2014 14:09

To be honest I think any thread like this posted under AIBU is slightly goady. If I had a real 'need to know' I'd probably post under a relevant topic.

However if I had to listen to boring talk of colleagues wittering on about stuff like feeding babies or where babies sleep....I'd probably be driven to distraction.

PiperIsOrange · 15/09/2014 14:10

In the words of marge simpson because we are not all nipple nazi :)

Hoppinggreen · 15/09/2014 14:11

I wonder about about of things and then decide that I don't really need to know, understand or agree with anyone else's decisions that don't actually affect me.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/09/2014 14:13

No fair, Dds aptamil was £28 pound a tub the nhs should have been given a truck load of polar bears for that nd passed one on to us .

Nancy66 · 15/09/2014 14:15

oh god not this again.

some people just don't fancy it - it really isn't a big deal

holidaysarenice · 15/09/2014 14:16

Because quite frankly I won't be tied to being the only feeder, the only disturbed sleep every night etc

Because I will go back to work before my child is six months

Because that's what works for my family.

And massively because I had yet to see any decent evidence that changes my mind.

Yes the WHO recommend two years. They are recommending this for woman across the world, where a massive percentage don't have access to clean water. Where dirty water in a bottle may cause all sorts of health issues to a child.

In the uk I have taps with clean water.

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 14:16

I'm definitely not thinking that anyone should have to justify themselves.

Oneskinnychip hit the nail on the head really and the answers have made me see that my question is a bit daft and one track minded.

I might be curious about why people make the choices that they do, but the people who become all extreme and get nasty are just idiots.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 15/09/2014 14:17

Thurlow....my uniqueness is fading by the post Grin

And where's my bloody Polar Bears??....I'm due a low loader full of those little beasts

Symphonysuckz · 15/09/2014 14:17

I struggled on and struggled on for nearly 4 months. Looking back I am pleased that I did it for my DD but I also regret that I just didn't enjoy those first early weeks of her life - I was utterly, utterly depressed and utterly, utterly miserable.

I had my mother coming round all of the time telling me that if the health visitor came and saw the state of the house she'd have a fit yet funnily enough not once did she pick the Hoover up and offer to help because she didn't want is to be dependant on her. I was under a lot of pressure to BF because my golden girl SIL had BF all 3 of her boys until they started school blah blah blah. Not to mention 3 year old SD feeling very neglected due to DP being at work and me feeding this gnawing monster 24/7 therefore acting up.

The best thing I ever did was put DD on a bottle!!! I don't even feel guilty about it. I did my absolubte best but it is bloody hard work and like anything else, some find it easier than others do

HavanaSlife · 15/09/2014 14:19

Yes jock the poor ff babies along with sadface

Maybe we could start an mn bf bingo

Thurlow · 15/09/2014 14:21

Only, if someone could just sort of hand me a baby without me either having to be pregnant or give birth, I'd have DC2 in a heartbeat. Ditto I'd probably give breastfeeding a go if someone could promise it would be quick and easy, I'd be able to express, and the baby would take a bottle Grin

I find it fascinating that I sometimes see a hidden assumption from some women/mums that if you don't enjoy pregnancy, cope with the pain of childbirth, or the potentially difficulties of breastfeeding, it's like you're failing at the first hurdle. Bollocks. Did anyone see that thread a few weeks back saying that women who didn't fancy the pain of childbirth should pay for their own counselling or cs, or not have children? Shock

Only1scoop · 15/09/2014 14:21

Perhaps it could be a sad face of 'the' ff baby....holding said Polar Bear.

Only1scoop · 15/09/2014 14:24

Thurlow it's not us it's everyone else that is crazy Wink

Only1scoop · 15/09/2014 14:25

If I'd have seen that thread ShockAngry

Thurlow · 15/09/2014 14:25

Too true, my friend, too true.

Someone I know once said her wedding day was the best day of her life. A mutual friend said "what, not the day your daughter was born?" and friend replied "fuck that, that was the most pain I've ever been in in my life, why on earth would that be the best day ever?" Grin

Original poster
Pyjamaramadrama · 15/09/2014 14:25

I did consider posting it in the relevant topic but thought that might be worse if people are actually currently struggling or in the situation.

I knew there'd be people who'd say this is goady, it's none of your business etc. But I did not come on saying breast is best or anything of the sort. And I'm not in the know enough to have strong opinions either way, I tried to word it diplomatically.

I am deciding on feeding methods currently but going by last time I only lasted a week. Perhaps I'm setting myself up to fail if I know that I can't get through the difficult bit. Perhaps that's another reason not to begin?

OP posts:
littlemonster · 15/09/2014 14:33

Do you really wonder, really really really really?

The very fact that you felt the need to say it wasn't goady indicates you know very well its a topic that has been done many many many times, so therefore you could find hundreds of threads to give you your answer if that's all you wanted to achieve, and also that you know very well that unless combined with a specific request for help or information, it attracts emotive and judgement based debate.

scotchfreeescapegoat · 15/09/2014 14:44

I BF DD1 for the first month. I nearly went mad. She would feed for an hour, sleep for 45 min and then want to feed again for another hour. I felt like i was chained to the sofa. Getting a good latch was always problematic so i never felt like i could feed her out and about. I was a K cup when feeding and i never felt like i could latch her on without basically completely disrobing and letting it all hang out. In the end we both got thrush and it was the excuse i needed to end the nightmare.

When DD2 came along 2 years later, i didn't even consider it. The idea of trying to keep up that feeding schedule (which i now know to be perfectly normal for a newborn) and still look after an active 2 year old was sure to drive me around the bend. i felt like i would be neglecting my eldest to spend all that time feeding her little sister.

I have found that babies who are formula fed seem to take to a feeding routine quite quickly and the feeds are much much shorter. That is my experience though. Others might disagree.

When DS1 came along expectantly 16 months later, i thought that this might be my last chance to successfully breastfeed so i tried again. I followed all the "rules" for establishing breast feeding like not having formula or bottles in the house etc but i still ended up in tescos at 2am buying him formula after days of trying to get his latch sorted and completely neglecting my other two children.

i dont take offense at the question by the way. I often wonder how breastfeeders keep up the motivation to feed that way, through bleeding nipples etc.