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Original poster

Church attendance and sport

296 replies

FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 08:21

If you are a firm believer in attending church regularly, how do you square this up with your desire for your DC to play a sport regularly, when that sport happens to fall on a Sunday morning?

DS1 loves a particular sport (DH has passed on his passion for it) which isn't as common as others, and all the clubs around here seem to do training for it on a Sunday morning. Next school year (or perhaps even birthday if they allow mid season starts) he will be old enough to start training at the clubs. Games don't actually start until he is a few years older though.

But I run Sunday club for half the month, the DC attend it with me, both DH and I are firm Christians and do lots of extra duties at church. The church is quite central to our lives in the community.

I'm finding this difficult to square up. I know there are evensong services (CofE) but they're not the same as communion services at 10 am and we don't have them at our local church so would have to go further afield anyway, the 8 am services are just too early and too 'plain' for the DC - and for me tbh.

We used to attend a cathedral, but have moved to a local parish church when our DC were old enough to understand things, so that they could be part of a church community.

There aren't a lot of other children at church, so if mine suddenly don't attend I think the Sunday school would close, tbh.

But I really want him to play this sport, and if he doesn't start training at the same age as other children, he won't ever have the chance to progress in it.

How do others deal with this?

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 15/09/2014 20:08

What is with everyone criticizing OP's decision to attend church as a family.Why on earth would you let a 9 year old child dictate to you how you spend your Sunday morning. If you are not a Christian,why would you presume to dictate to someone whose beliefs are fundamentally different to you, how they raise their children. Do you regularly ask YOUR children whether they would like to go to Church on a Sunday morning?Oh course you don't because you think it is all brainwashing nonsense.So how do your kids get more choice than a child in a Christian family? Every Christian parent knows that they cannot make their child believe and every child in a Christian family will have days when they don't particularly feel like church,as will the adults, but by attending regularly they are learning lots of important stuff. They are learning about commitment.They are learning about the importance of being together with family. They learn to serve others. They learn to enjoy the company of elderly people other than grandparents that care about them. They learn that if they take one day a week to worship/relax and mark out from the rest of the week, they will be less stressed generally. They sing and dance and learn to sit quietly and listen for longer than the average 10 minutes most kids manage. They learn responsibility. My 11 year old does puppet shows with her dad for the younger kids. The list is endless and I am not really sure why anyone thinks they have a right to criticize.OP is trying really hard to find a balance that is best for her family so maybe helpful comments would be best,not critical ones!!!

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2014 20:12

Everyone hasn't criticised the OP, vdb

MoanerLiza · 15/09/2014 20:13

Well, what I would do Helena, is explain that life is full of all sorts of things we don't want to do and that while he is under my roof he will support the family in attending church for an hour out of his week. Most of us play act and are hypocrites to some extent every day - being nice to bosses we detest, for example. My children went through a spell of not believing in cleaning their teeth, but I still made them do it. Why is the principle different because it's to do with religion? A fair amount of parenting is about 'do what I say, like it or lump it', wouldn't you say?

icanmakeyouicecream · 15/09/2014 20:17

I don't clearly disagree, you don't know if I am religious or not.

Don't post on here asking for what people think if you don't want answers.

In my opinion which you asked for, I would be thrilled that my child would want to do an activity and depending on what it was prioritise that and worship at another time. You can worship on another day, or see if that particular activity can be done on any other day.

It's about compromise really, isn't it.

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 20:18

"You seem to think it's incredibly harsh. I don't. I believe I'm giving them a very balanced view in life."

I don't think it's incredibly harsh. I just don't think I can or should impose my beliefs on other people, even my children. I am a great advocate of the "this is what I believe/think...." line. I cannot imagine forcing a child to go to church- or, indeed, preventing a child who wanted to go to church.

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 20:20

Bowlers - we're the ones who have looked into the hockey. DS doesn't even know the details, that its on Sunday yet. He hasn't asked about it, apart from wanting to play hockey 'when he's old enough'. I've only just realised what it would mean, I haven't shared any of it with him yet as I want it sorted him my head first, so that we can chat about it with me throwing a positive light onto both hockey and his church involvement - which I believe he would very much miss if it were to stop. Once he starts playing at school, which will be in a matter of months, I think he will start asking about it so I need to be ready anyway.

DH is the hockey fanatic here. He's the one who 'indoctrinated' the DSs with this mad game! He's still getting his own head around juggling Sunday mornings and the hockey games, just as I am. We're sorting through things in our own minds before we have a further chat about it and seeing how we work this out.

I would like him to play A game at a club level. Not all schools are equal in terms of sports excellence, and I just feel a degree of separation could be good for him, he can make a different group of friends, etc. DS's choice is to play hockey, he has turned down offers of other sports at club level. He has a lot of potential, I think. I could 'persuade' him to wait a few more years quite easily I think, but I would prefer not to.

I was the one who persuaded him to try football as an afterschool club at his previous school - he didn't want to. He now loves the game, but only in a 'lets have a kick around with some friends at lunch time or on the weekend' type of way. And that's ok, and is part of the reason why I encouraged him to play it. It's been a saving grace at his previous school that he's been able to kick the ball around with some other boys when he's had a few particular children giving him a hard time.

OP posts:
HelenaQC · 15/09/2014 20:23

vdb

The OP made a big point of saying that she had no intention of compelling him to go to church if he doesn't want to - but now she's saying he does have to go whether he likes it or not "such is his life". I find that curious.

Most atheists I know would support their children if they wanted to go to church. And besides, given that there's no such thing as a secular education in this country, all children are actually given enough information to decide whether this is something they want to pursue.

Telling a child that they are Christian is, in fact, indoctrination. Same as it would be if they were told they were de facto members of the National Association of Stamp Collectors. Not that I think that's the case here, to be clear. I just wonder if the OP has thought through what she'll do if her DS decides he wants nothing to do with church in a few years.

Right now, he likes church & it sounds like a difficult quandary for him if he has to choose between that and hockey.

Hope something can be figured out for his sake Fruity.

m0therofdragons · 15/09/2014 20:24

Being a Christian isn't about Sunday morning Church attendances. My church offers many other opportunities like home groups in the evenings at someone's home, evening services etc. Could you and dh alternate who goes?

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 15/09/2014 20:26

DS is 12. He still willingly goes to church and Bible class. We have a day of rest as one of the other posters upthread described. Church, Sunday lunch and family time. It is a special day for us.

In your shoes OP I would try and compromise. Speak to the hockey coach too and try to do every second week? I don't know, I would find it tricky.

MoanerLiza · 15/09/2014 20:27

Hakluyt, of course you impose your beliefs on your children all the time - not religious ones perhaps, but still beliefs, value judgements, ideals, morals. How could we possibly bring up our children otherwise?

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 20:30

No Helena - I said I was trying to find a compromise that included some form of church involvement and a sport which is played on a Sunday morning.

And that includes DS2's involvement, MY involvement, DH's involvement and DS2's involvement. 1 game throws it all into disarray, and I am needing to re-evaluate how we all continue to have an involvement in church, getting the things we WANT and NEED out of a service, and continuing to contribute to the life of the church in the way that we want.

Discussions on what we will do if he decides he doesn't want to go to church are moot as he DOES want to go to church.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 20:31

I try not to. I have many political and philosophical beliefs that I talk about to my children- but I would not dream of insisting that they share them.

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 20:31

Sorry, one of those DS2s was supposed to be a DS1....

OP posts:
Ragwort · 15/09/2014 20:32

It's only on Mumsnet that I come across this huge 'anti CoE' attitude - I have never heard of this in RL - everyone I know is falling over themselves to get their children into faith schools, and loves supporting nativity plays, harvest festivals etc.

No one would dare make such negative comments about any other faith or religion - why is it considered so acceptable to bash the CoE?

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 20:34

Ragwort - only on Mumsnet is something I say quite often, actually!

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 20:35

"No one would dare make such negative comments about any other faith or religion - why is it considered so acceptable to bash the CoE?"

Two things. Please can you show me the bashing. And I would say exactly the same things on this thread regardless of the OP's religion. (Yes, before you ask, including Islam) Although I am pretty sure I haven't said anything negative.

On, and the OP's Catholic, isn't she?

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 20:39

Erm, no, I'm CofE.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 15/09/2014 20:40

SetPhasers committing to a club sport isn't something you can do every other week, or third week. It just doesn't work like that.

OP, have you really looked into other hockey club options to see whether there is one that trains in the evening? I know you said your DS doesn't finish school until 4.30 or 5.30 but I have a DS who finished at those times and did football training two or the evenings a week from aged 8. It is doable. Not ideal but doable.

Would he have matches at his age, and when would they be played?

Hakluyt · 15/09/2014 20:40

Sorry- I must have got confused.

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 20:42

Bowlers - there isn't. There may well be when he gets much older, but at the moment its just Sunday mornings. There just aren't that many clubs around.

Hakluyt - I would make a very BAD Catholic!!!

OP posts:
HelenaQC · 15/09/2014 20:44

Bashing of CofE? Where?

And you are wrong....debate about the intrinsic immorality of all faith systems is very rife on MN. And why not...this is a site for adults. Why are all points of view not welcome? Why is religion off limits, but other beliefs are?

Sorry, Fruity...I was under the impression that you were definitely, definitely not going to compel your child to go to church if he didn't want to. I thought you'd made that clear, which seemed fair enough. I misunderstood, unfortunately.

I understand it's currently moot - I said as much - but children do reach the age of reason, and lots of them then do reject their parents faith.

And sorry, I will repeat what I said earlier....sharing your values as a Christian and bringing up your way should not include telling them that they are automatically a member of a club they haven't personally chosen and will worship your god because you've told them to.

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2014 20:47

I don't know then, I'm out of ideas!

I think if I were you - bearing in mind your DS doesn't even know you have hockey planned for him on a Sunday morning (possibly), and currently he knows no different to attending church and no knowledge that might change - I'd put the hockey off for a year. He'll play at school, probably just a term if my DSes schools are similar, and if he gets a taste for it tell him he can try it next winter if he's serious about it.

vdbfamily · 15/09/2014 20:49

HelenaQC I have (as you may have guessed) been raised in a Christian family and became a Christian. I have spent a lot of time with a lot of Christians and have never met anyone who said their child was a Christian just because they had Christian parents. And unless I have missed something, I cannot see any postings here that assert that. As a Christian parent you are acutely aware of the fact that unless you child makes a decision for themselves to follow Christ then they are of course not a Christian. But as we all know, teenagers blow hot and cold about what they think and often like to claim they believe the opposite of their parents even when they don't. Therefore,as Christian parents,you hope and pray that as a family you can all attend church together for as long as possible and when the children are young adults they can of course decide what they do.

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2014 20:50

Helena, the ops DS likes going to church. She's not forcing him to. If he hated it, I don't think she'd be posting this dilemma.

Original poster
FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 20:54

Oh he has a taste for it Bowlers - He's doing my head in with wanting to play hockey all the time. His hockey sticks get very well used, and he's on his second one!!!

I think I would prefer a 'suck it and see' approach and try to work it out while missing a few sessions isn't a big deal. Once it gets competitive the juggling will be all that much harder as I have no way to ease myself into it.

I think littledrummergirl had it right as to how it could be made to work for this first year.

OP posts: