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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for being annoyed at in-laws and OH?

93 replies

Kellaree · 14/09/2014 18:57

My partner's parents are visiting us (though they are staying in a hotel) and my OH only gave me 12 hours notice that they were coming! Whereas he had known for over 2 weeks!

In-laws showed up on Friday afternoon expecting a cooked meal but due to not knowing they were coming I hadn't budgeted to include them in the meal plan so didn't cook for them. They were annoyed at me so OH said I would cook for them on Saturday night except I couldn't because I didn't get home from work until 7:30pm! Again they were annoyed and so they told me that on Sunday (today) they were going to take DS and OH to the beach and I would stay at home and cook and clean!

Like I didn't even have a choice if I wanted to go or not! I did want to go to the beach but in-laws insisted I stay and cook dinner. So off they went to the beach and I spent 3.5 hours cooking a roast dinner only for them to come home late and not even say thank you after they ate it.

Then after dinner I washed and cleaned up with no help (and I did ask). When I was finally done I went and sat on the sofa only for them to tell me to sit on the floor like I am a bloody dog because they & OH wanted to relax on the sofa. We only have one large corner sofa, no armchairs because we can't fit them in the room but OH could have sat on the floor instead but no, he wanted to sit next to his mummy on the sofa and I had to get off and sit on the floor. We have a booth/bench table in the dining room so no chairs to bring in to sit on.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling like they treat me like some sort of maid and being annoyed?

OP posts:

woowoo22 · 14/09/2014 18:59

Why haven't you told them to do one?

LatteLoverLovesLattes · 14/09/2014 19:01

This is a wind up right?

If it's not - take your child and get out of there now.

mummytime · 14/09/2014 19:02

LTB?
Sorry but the fundamental problem is your OH.
Why didn't he tell you? Why didn't he cook? Why didn't he clean? Why didn't he defend you today?

WeirdCatLady · 14/09/2014 19:02

Why are you letting them treat you in this way?

LadyLuck10 · 14/09/2014 19:02

Yanbu op they sound bloody awful. Direct your frustration at your DH. Why is he not saying anything to them???
You do know they are only allowed to treat you like this because he allows it. Take it up with him.

ILovePud · 14/09/2014 19:03

They told you to stay in and cook and clean, then they told you to sit on the floor. Why on earth did you do it though? That's horrendous behaviour, what did your DH say? He should have been standing up for you!

Wishfulmakeupping · 14/09/2014 19:04

Don't let yourself be treated like this OP they are rude fuckers tell them to do one and take your husband with them.

loveableshoulder · 14/09/2014 19:05

I wouldn't have been there when they got back from the beach.

WyldChyld · 14/09/2014 19:05

You are joking! OP, your OH needs a huge kick up the bum. That is so rude and disrespectful - he's you OTHER HALF, not your Master. Ugh.

JetsAndSugar · 14/09/2014 19:07

Are you on glue?

Why did you cook the fecking roast dinner? You should not have cooked a single thing for any of them after that behaviour!

Why did you clean up? You don't "ask" for help. You leave it, they do it.

Speaking of leaving, why have you not LTB?

Original poster

Kellaree · 14/09/2014 19:07

In-laws think the sun shines out of OH's bum. OH thinks in-laws can do no wrong. It's not worth the fight and the upset to say something since no one will take my side. They also did buy our son a new and much needed car seat so I feel like I owe them and can't say anything.

God, OH is normally so great but when it comes to his parents he is a complete moron. I have told him the problem now they have gone back to the hotel but he just doesn't get it. They made me feel like absolute rubbish making me sit on the floor but OH says it made sense for me to sit on the floor because I'm the youngest, like I'm some child instead of his partner!

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnish · 14/09/2014 19:07

Your ILS aren't the problem your DP is, he should be supporting you.

However that said you do sound like a total doormat.

Pico2 · 14/09/2014 19:07

I'm with loveableshoulder. No one "tells" me to do anything at home. Not to mention such unreasonable requests. I'd have told them all where to g.

redcaryellowcar · 14/09/2014 19:08

yanbu, think you need to reset boundaries with oh. he then needs to stand up for you.

MangoBiscuit · 14/09/2014 19:09

Why did you even bother to cook for them? If someone had been that rude to me in my own home, TELLING me they were taking my child out and that I HAD to stay home and cook for them, I would have told them they weren't welcome back in the house, let alone coming in for dinner.

If your OH wants his parents to stay, and he wants you to help him (that's right, he can fecking well muck in) cater for them, then he can bloody well ask you nicely, in advance.

Ooh, I'm fuming on your behalf! How dare they?! All 3 of them, so very rude!

Yama · 14/09/2014 19:09

Your in-laws may indeed be rude fuckers. However, it is your OH who is meant to love you.

Nothing in your op indicates that he has anything but contempt for you.

JetsAndSugar · 14/09/2014 19:10

I did want to go to the beach

You are a grown up. If you want to go to the beach, you go to the beach.

hoobypickypicky · 14/09/2014 19:10

There's no question about this. Consult a lawyer about separation of assets and your rights to remain in the home with the children and what financial rights you'll have when you leave this hideous creature and his parents firmly in the past. Then act on this information.

Sunna · 14/09/2014 19:11

Agreed. The in-laws aren't the problem, your DH is.

mamasilla · 14/09/2014 19:11

This is not real. If it is, YABU for doing what you did (cooking specially!)

Tiredbadger · 14/09/2014 19:12

YANBU. You need to have words with them all, no ones deserves to be spoken to like that, especially in your own home.

Original poster

Kellaree · 14/09/2014 19:13

I often feel like I don't have a choice but to do what the in-laws say, they are very forceful people. I know I am a doormat but I feel like I can't say anything to them, especially since sometimes they help us out, like buying the new car seat.

OP posts:

JetsAndSugar · 14/09/2014 19:14

It's not worth the fight and the upset to say something since no one will take my side.

It doesn't matter if they take your side or not. What matters is that they know you will not stand for their behaviour.

You do not have to have a big show down. You just say "I am not cooking." "I am going to the beach" "I am not sitting on the floor" "You are cleaning up after dinner (and don't do it yourself".

So what if they have a strop and bitch about you?

They bought a car seat not a slave. If your OH is grateful for the seat then he can cook their dinner.

Chippednailvarnish · 14/09/2014 19:15

You either stand your ground or suck it up.

The car seat is irrelevant. I hope you realize that you are teaching your DCs that allowing people to treat them badly is acceptable.

zzzzz · 14/09/2014 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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