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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit upset about how much easier life would be with good looks

82 replies

sarahighseas · 14/09/2014 13:12

Im pretty average looking, but can't help but feel life would be so much easier if I was stunning. It seems like even if you are a rough Geordie convicted of assault and saying racist things you can easily get forgiven and make millions flogging shampoo to insecure people. Seems double standards as plenty of ugly men are on TV, but apart from a few comedians no ugly woman.

OP posts:
SantanaLopez · 14/09/2014 13:19

Everything's greener on the other side.

splendide · 14/09/2014 13:35

Yanbu. It's a perfectly rational feeling. There are many studies about the advantages good looks bring. Even as children, good looking children get better marks (when compared to blind marking). Ugly people get harsher sentences, earn less and are generally really quite disadvantaged.

I don't think there's much that can be done about though so you probably just have to deal with it.

Chairthing · 14/09/2014 13:39

YABU - there's more to life than being on telly. Money doesn't bring happiness. Etc etc.

I've got a face like a bag of spanners. But it's my face and I'm keeping it. Would I rather achieve things because I'm good at stuff, or because some muppet looked at me and though that I was hot enough to market/airbrush/cosmetically enhance?

Nerf · 14/09/2014 13:41

Hmm well I don't know. I was really pretty and the only advantage was people willing to like me/ believe I was clever / etc. no advantage once I actually had to interact with them Grin

cerealqueen · 14/09/2014 13:48

YABU, as in my experience pretty people made no effort to develop other areas of their lives on the basis that good looks would bring them what they needed and were in fact, quite boring.

Every time I fancied a really good looking man the conversation was dull as ditch water.

HandMini · 14/09/2014 13:51

YANBU. A pretty face is a great "door opener" in loads of areas of life. In some areas it is all you need to be successful, eg, modelling.

Flangeshrub · 14/09/2014 14:00

YANBU - research backs it up doesn't it?
Without blowing my own trumpet I KNOW being above average looks-wise has helped 'oil the wheels' in many situations.

LadyLuck10 · 14/09/2014 14:02

Yanbu, im not boasting but I do know that I get an easier time. People are just a little bit more willing to help and listen to you. The other side of it is that some people can be hostile or dislike you immediately just based on looks, I've experienced this with women only though.

Charitybelle · 14/09/2014 14:03

YANBU. I am stunning and life is very easy Grin

Azquilith · 14/09/2014 14:06

Was once told 'nice arse shame about the face'. I now walk into rooms backwards. Flaunt what you've got.

jellybelly701 · 14/09/2014 14:09

YANBU in the sense of 'pretty' people do have things much easier. If two women was to apply for a job in a pub I can almost guarantee the slimmer, prettier woman would get the job.

However I also think YABU, while it would be nice to breeze through life on good looks alone I would much prefer to get by on my skills and personality. I would feel no sense of achievement at all if I was to get a job or appear on the telly purely because of my looks, if I had truly worked hard to get there though I would be beaming from ear to ear.

WiseGuysHighRise · 14/09/2014 14:13

Your OP sounds envious and not particularly nice.

BackforGood · 14/09/2014 14:16

YABU - if someone were to judge people on their "prettiness" then their opinion isn't one I'd value anyway.
I don't think it does happen in life generally. I don't opt in to the whole 'celebrity' culture and I personally, from what I do hear and see occasionally, think it's such a false 'bubble', that I'm very glad I have nothing to do with it.

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 14/09/2014 14:23

Azquilith Grin Grin Grin

LeBearPolar · 14/09/2014 14:23
SevenZarkSeven · 14/09/2014 14:23

Being very good looking has downsides as well.

I think it's grass is always greener thing.

e.g. being very good looking attracts attention - everywhere you go there are people looking at you, staring at you even. That can be really discomfiting for people who do not have personalities that revel in attention

Similarly if you are female it can mean an earlier start for street harrassment and more / more aggressive street harrassment which can be hard to handle

Like some blokes I knew as a teen who were tall -studies show that tall men get jobs, promotions, etc etc more easily. BUT these were shy teens and they spent all their time slouching down as much as possible so as not to draw attention to themselves...

Really the trick is to make the most of what you have, rather than thinking "well if I had XYZ" about things that are never going to be.

And actually good looking / successful people can be just as unhappy in their lives as anyone else, it doesn't protect you.

flakeyfinancials · 14/09/2014 14:25

YABU - you sound very very shallow if you think that will make your life better. But then if you mix with shallow judgey types I suppose it would.

A smile and a friendly hello goes miles, being content and confidently poised will take you further.

Are you quite young OP?

Next you'll be sayinf if only I had a bigger house or car and extra holiday...

Wishfulmakeupping · 14/09/2014 14:30

I would love to be attractive really would I know that sounds shallow but it's the truth

Andanotherthing123 · 14/09/2014 14:40

I know plenty of attractive women and it's bloody wasted on them because they're so insecure and unwilling to believe they look good. It is so dull listening to them bang on about their thighs or their nose shape.

I'm average looking but I actually like and appreciate what I have and I think that's so much more attractive than being gorgeous but unappreciative of your looks.

Madamecastafiore · 14/09/2014 14:43

Love it. Only on mumsnet!!

Pretty people obviously rely on their looks to get by and don't bother to work hard or achieve academically and all good looking men are dull.

wafflyversatile · 14/09/2014 14:54

As said studies show that being good looking is an advantage.

But

All other things being equal tall people have an advantage over short.

All other things being equal intelligent people have an advantage over less intelligent people

All other things being equal richer people have an advantage over poorer people.

We are all a combination of pluses and minuses which affect how our lives turn out. A lot of luck is involved in all of them. Some people will be lucky enough to have a lot more pluses and fewer minuses than others.

Madame. That's not what anyone has said. The point is all other things being equal the more physically attractive someone is the more others will favour them thus giving them an advantage.

Madamecastafiore · 14/09/2014 15:04

Yes actually cerealqueen said that.

LoafersOrLouboutins · 14/09/2014 15:07

YANBU. Beautiful women have an advantage in many situations.

WooWooOwl · 14/09/2014 15:22

I think being good looking can be an advantage in life, but your attitude towards someone else, who has worked hard and has a lot more to her than one or two incidents that are whipped up in the media, will say a lot more about you than your looks.

Greengrow · 14/09/2014 15:42

You can help it though - was it Chanel who said there is no such thing as an ugly woman, just a lazy one? You can be slim, wear good clothes, high heels. It's not that hard to stand out if you want to whatever face you're born with. I sell my brain (lawyer) and much of that is telephone/email so I am not sure looks have a major impact. I recommend it.