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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel a bit upset about how much easier life would be with good looks

82 replies

sarahighseas · 14/09/2014 13:12

Im pretty average looking, but can't help but feel life would be so much easier if I was stunning. It seems like even if you are a rough Geordie convicted of assault and saying racist things you can easily get forgiven and make millions flogging shampoo to insecure people. Seems double standards as plenty of ugly men are on TV, but apart from a few comedians no ugly woman.

OP posts:

mooth · 14/09/2014 15:52

OP, a lot of people actually do see through the Geordie to whom you are referring. Okay, she's pretty, she's got money, she's got fame, but there are far more important things in life. She isn't my 'sweetheart' and I don't envy her shallow existence one bit.

That said, there are so many inequalities in life, I think it's best to concentrate on being happy with what you have going for you, on every level.

notagainffffffffs · 14/09/2014 15:53

Poor old Cheryl! Hmmmm I dont know, I had a face like two ferrets fighting in a sack as a teenager but at about 20 it all slotted into place and my teenager chub went in and out in the right places!
What im trying to say is I had to work on my personality harder and be wittier and more fun to be around than other pretty girls, and its all paid off

notagainffffffffs · 14/09/2014 15:53

I hope someone can make sense of my ramble

PineneedleSoup · 14/09/2014 15:54

Are high heels part of looking good then?

I quite like my Fly boots.

mooth · 14/09/2014 15:56

Pine needle - ask yourself - would Cheryl wear them?

fascicle · 14/09/2014 15:59

Is being treated favourably because of goods looks really an advantageous thing? OP, you say there are no 'ugly' women on TV, apart from a few comedians. I would dispute this, but don't you think there's a lot more to sustaining a career on telly than good looks?

atos35 · 14/09/2014 16:04

It is possible that good looking people can also be intelligent, hard working and confident and use their brains to achieve as much in life as those who are not so attractive. Good looks does not always mean someone is brain dead and has nothing else to offer! It does seem that a lot of people assume that the reason why an attractive person gets a good job is only because of their looks and nothing to do with any other skills or strengths they may have. Some are just born lucky that's all (and I'm not referring to myself, just don't waste time being envious if things beyond my control).

Bulbasaur · 14/09/2014 16:11

YABU, as in my experience pretty people made no effort to develop other areas of their lives on the basis that good looks would bring them what they needed and were in fact, quite boring.

That has nothing to do with looks. I know quite a few stunning people that are interesting and do meaningful volunteer work.

I also know ugly boring people.

This "pretty people have no substance" is something insecure people use to make themselves feel better.

windchime · 14/09/2014 16:20

OP, the person you refer to it just plain without all the cosmetics and grooming. She wears tons of slap, has her hair professionally styled and has clearly had her teeth fixed. False eyelashes are not natural beauty. Her first husband cheated on her. Not lucky at all.

BeachyKeen · 14/09/2014 16:30

I am tall, intelligent, reasonably good looking and can handle myself in any social situation.
It didn't protect me from getting a life altering illness.
Anyone can have something going for them, their looks, their background, their skills or talents, but it doesn't guarantee them happiness or an easier life.
Attitude, willingness to try and make the most of what you have, and effort make the biggest impacts.

poolomoomon · 14/09/2014 16:57

Agreed with windchime about said Geordie. She was not the most attractive band member by a big margin when Girls Aloud first came about. She had her teeth fixed, lost a bit of weight (not that she needed to), got a stylist and a whole beauty team and now she's suddenly something to be envied... Just about any woman can be 'beautified' with a million professionals to help her. Plus she has a fucking awful taste in men.

Also beauty is a matter of opinion. There's a lot of women people bang on about being the most beautiful woman ever and I just don't see it, incidentally neither does DH. I include Kelly Brook who I think is just very plain in this but apparently she's the 'sexiest woman in the world' or whatever, don't see it. To me women that are a bit quirkier and more 'interesting' looking are the most beautiful. I think Alec Baldwin's wife Hilaria is stunning, she has an eyebrow hook on one side which a lot of people were nasty about. Obviously it made her paranoid because she's had a fringe covering that side up ever since. That made me sad, it only added to her beauty.

It's in the eye of the beholder and all that.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 14/09/2014 17:01

Personally I much prefer to have no choice, but to rely on brains not beauty.

Having no body hang ups and no particular need to spend a fortune on make up and clothes is very liberating.

Being pretty is damned hard work.

Not that I'm not slightly of the way DD2, who is quietly vey pretty and has massively better social skills than me makes friends (and, when she wants, wraps teachers round her little finger).

ScarlettDarling · 14/09/2014 17:11

Firstly i think you are definitely being very unreasonable to refer to ''some rough Geordie". Why is the Geordie bit relevant? And why shouldn't she/ other gorgeous people capitalise on their looks? The particular Geordie you are clearly referring to hasn't had an easy life despite being pretty. Yes, her looks have enabled her to have the career and money she has, but do you really think she is being unreasonable to use what she's got to make a better life for herself?
I don't honestly see how using your good looks to benefit your

wafflyversatile · 14/09/2014 17:12

spending a fortune on make up and clothes isn't dictated on whether someone is pretty or not.

ScarlettDarling · 14/09/2014 17:14

Oops...sent too soon!
As i was saying...how is using your pretty face any different to using your brains, talents, skills?
We're all entitled to use what we've got, as long as we don't hurt anyone else in doing so!

SevenZarkSeven · 14/09/2014 17:17

Being attractive can give you problems with being taken seriously especially if you are a woman.

It's not always a positive for everything.

Also a bit bemused by the comment about body hang ups and spending money. They are nothing to do with being pretty

SevenZarkSeven · 14/09/2014 17:17

Being attractive can give you problems with being taken seriously especially if you are a woman.

It's not always a positive for everything.

Also a bit bemused by the comment about body hang ups and spending money. They are nothing to do with being pretty

JustAShopGirl · 14/09/2014 17:17

make the most of what you've got , who cares what you look like - get out there and live life - you only get one go at it. (why spend it wondering what if..?)

badasahatter · 14/09/2014 17:32

YANBU in some ways, but look at all the good looking people in the media who have had a terrible time of things. Life has dealt them the same kind of crap cards as it deals we plain people.

I have seen beautiful people struggle with their love lives, way more than I have. I've seen them struggle with money. I've seen them struggle to take on the less savoury parts of life as they realise life isn't always free and easy.

Using Cheryl Cole as an example, she had a terrible relationship with her first husband. And how hard must it be to keep a glossy image presented to the world all the time? How horrid that you can't schlep down to the corner shop on a Sunday morning in your slippers and your painting jeans.

Life's rarely better just because you're pretty, just because you're thin, just because you're blonder (insert your option of choice after the word because). Life's tough. It's tough for everyone. And yes, I'd be happier if my student union card showed a smiling, dewy eyed attractive 49 year old, but it doesn't. It shows a wonky faced, weird smiling woman. Cos that's who I am. And I'm finally at an age when I can own that and not be unhappy with it. And with my daughter, I know she's pretty, but not drop dead gorgeous and that makes me happy. Because I know that her looks won't be her defining factor. That would make me incredibly sad.

naty1 · 14/09/2014 17:35

A bit sad looks can make you more confident.
Enhancing your looks further.

specialsubject · 14/09/2014 17:40

it matters for slebs.

in the real world, what can happen is that the pretty girls either get hopelessly spoilt and so turn out to be lazy brats, or can't get taken seriously and so have it difficult.

and I'm afraid Cheryl-whatever-it-is-this-week may have had good looks (before she wrecked them with the teeth/tan/botox) but it hasn't made her happy, has it? or anyone within thumping range

EggButty · 14/09/2014 17:47

Beauty is coveted and rewarded by society because it is actually very rare. Look around you- by far the vast majority of people are plain, facially. Not ugly, just plain.

Next time you go out have a look round among the people you see. I bet you about 1 in 100, maybe even fewer, could be described as 'beautiful'. I'm not talking attractive, attraction is based on lots of things and not just facial features, but actual beauty is as rare as hens' teeth.

StillWishihadabs · 14/09/2014 17:49

My diss was really stunning head turningly beautiful from about age 13. It actually made her life very difficult until she started modelling at 18 and was then surrounded by equally beautiful people. She got male attention everywhere she went, there were several stalker like episodes when (possibly ASD) lads could not accept she didn't want to go out with them. My teenage years were so much easier, I could look nice and turn heads when I wanted to,but I could also go out and just blend in.

Original poster

sarahighseas · 14/09/2014 18:10

I mention said Geordie as she's managed to get away with having a criminal conviction for a pretty unpleaasent cri e yet somehow she's apparently the nations sweetheart, purely because she's pretty. Has number 1 singles even though her voice is pretty boring

OP posts:

LoafersOrLouboutins · 14/09/2014 18:14

My former colleague is breathtakingly beautiful. A man bought her a Hermas Birkin after a summer fling. She's never paid for her own night out. A stranger once bought a bottle of perfume for her when he started talking to her in department store. She's a lovely girl too.

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