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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is bu about splitting the cost of a holiday?

257 replies

LilacCroc · 13/09/2014 20:55

Not a typical AIBU, because I don't want to give away which 'side' i'm on, so that I get un-biased replies.

So the situation...a family of 4 (2 adults, 2 dc) are about to book a holiday. The cost is £500pp and because of free child places, 1 of their dc can go free, so total cost for them would be £1500.

Another couple, very close to the family (the dc's Godparents) will not have their own dc for that week as they are staying with their bio dad. So they put the feelers out about joining them on holiday, the family are more than happy and make them welcome. Fab.

So...now there are 6 people going, 4 adults and 2 dc, that means that overall they get 2 free childs places, so now both of the dc of the family can go free.

So the total cost of the holiday now, for all 6, is £2000.

The family think that each adult should now pay for themselves, £500 pp. The dc don't 'count' as they're both free.

The couple think this is unfair and that as the total cost for 6 people is £2000, the free childs places should be discounted and the total cost should be split 6 ways, with the couple paying £666 for 2 people and the family £1333 for 4 people (ish).

Who is right and who is bu?

OP posts:
educatingcats · 13/09/2014 23:45

I am another one who thinks that the fairest way would be to split the discount between you and the other couple.

ChasedByBees · 13/09/2014 23:47

Oh goodness, don't go with them. Particularly after the DH putting forward them paying £500 altogether as reasonable. The fairest split would probably be £1250 / £750 but since he wants to play hard ball, you'd be in for a crappy week.

You are losing sole occupancy of the cottage as someone said which is worth a significant amount.

In your position, I'd tell them you'd hate to fall put over money and discussing/negotiating finances on holiday wouldn't be relaxing.

I'd probably follow up with how everyone likes to walk around in the altogether when at home so it's best you have the cottage to yourself.

This would probably be an unnecessary embellishment.

DorisIsALittleBitPartial · 13/09/2014 23:47

I agree with the £1250/£750 split. 1st DC is already free because you are going, so split the difference.
I knew you were the family btw.
Similar-ish. Went out on my birthday, 4 of us. With 4 people my meal was free because it was my birthday. When the bill came, friend said we should split the bill 4 ways as I only got the free meal because they were there. I ended up paying towards my free meal on my birthday Hmm
They're your kids Godparents so don't fall out with them as OP have suggested, go and have a lovely time. Unless they really stick their heels in over the discount in which case tell them to do one!

wafflyversatile · 14/09/2014 00:26

So if you were going without them it would cost £1500 for 4
If they were going without you it would cost them £1000 for 2
going together means it costs £2000 for 6.

Options are:

A you pay £1000 for 4 and they pay £1000 for 2
B you pay £1250 for 4 and they pay £750 for 2
C you pay £1500 for 4 and they pay £500 for 2
D you pay £1333 for 4 and they pay £666 for 2

If you want to go on holiday and maintain good relations then B or D are the fair option.

of course if the pros do not outweigh the cons of going together rather than separately or you'd simply prefer to have the space to yourselves then a saving on what you were willing to spend of £250 or £167 might not be worth it to you.

TouchOfNatural · 14/09/2014 01:29

I think it should be a £250 saving each. Even though the kids are 'free' they are not invisible... They take up space, probably make more noise and mess than adults.. So the couple should be subsidised (not pay full price) for having the extra bodies/noise/mess there.

QuintessentiallyQS · 14/09/2014 01:35

Or

E. They split the 2000 in 5 between the 5 paying guests, and the family pay 1200 and the couple 800

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 14/09/2014 01:39

You know, I just don't think saving a possible £250 on a family holiday would be worth it for me really, I'd sooner be on our own and stump up the extra.

LionWings · 14/09/2014 01:48

Definitely split the discount, it's incredibly rude not to do otherwise.

chocolatedonut · 14/09/2014 01:50

£500 per adult.

The children are free!! Hmm

Some people are so tight!!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/09/2014 02:02

A fair split to me would be £1250/£750 for all the reasons already given.

But I would really reconsider. "The other dh then had a lightbulb moment and said that actually, if we were going to be really fair, we were going to this place anyway and were planning on spending £1500, so as they were only going to be adding £500 to the overall price, so maybe they should actually only pay £500 total." Dear god, this man will be a complete fucking nightmare. Either he really believes that, and is a complete tightarse; or he was so miffed at you not offering to split the discount that he decided to make a point, and will probably continue in that theme evermore. Either way, not someone you want to be on holiday with.

"I really don't think this is a sign of things to come, or that there'd be any problems on the holiday itself. They are genuinely nice people, generally very laid back as are me and dh...we've been out to restaurants together many times, with and without dc and everyone just pays for themselves, no issues that I forsee."
Going out to restaurants and going away on holiday are so very, very different. Restaurants are only for a couple of hours, everyone can be on their best behaviour for that long; and then they go home to the sanctuary of their own homes. On holiday there is no escape, and being on best behaviour for that long becomes a bit of a strain. Tempers fray. Words are said. One couple feels uncomfortable being present when the other couple are a bit snippy with each other. Genuinely nice people have off-days too.

And that's even before you consider that whereas you originally had four people inside one cottage you would now have six, so everything is just a little bit more squeezed ... that queue for the bathroom in the morning is a lot longer too ...

Hell, no.

I'd tell the couple that we've reconsidered, and had decided to go with the original plan of a FAMILY holiday, the cottage may be three bedrooms but it's still small, bathroom queues, etc.

OutragedFromLeeds · 14/09/2014 02:10

The discount is only available because a) the couple are coming and b) the family have a child who can benefit from the discount. You split the discount. £1250/£750. Win Win. It seems really, obviously the fairest way to do it!

musicalendorphins2 · 14/09/2014 03:46

Give them nothing and don't holiday with them.

ravenAK · 14/09/2014 04:25

Assuming you're still up for going with them after all this, I'd just email/text & say: 'I've had a think about it, & it seems fairest to split the discount - £1250 for us, £750 for you guys. Not a problem if you aren't up for it, though - we'll go with Plan A of just holidaying as a family & catch up with you when we get back.'

But I'd seriously consider: 'Had a think & actually, we'd rather just go away as a family this year . So we're going to say no to a share this year - sorry to muck you about, I'm sure you'll find something fab'

Simply because you really don't sound hugely enthusiastic about having them along!

It might be worth thrashing out ground rules & financial awkwardness if you were all totally gung-ho for a shared holiday, but if you're a bit 'meh' at the prospect to start with, then discord over money before you've even set off is a jolly good reason to pull the plug?

badsurname · 14/09/2014 07:00

Op, would your kids have each had their own room if they didn't come?

foxinthebox · 14/09/2014 07:11

It is not a free adult space. It is a free child space.

Hideous behaviour from the godparents, I am afraid. And that attitude within a house share will have you reaching for an axe...

Say that you don't think it is a good idea and find someone else to go with.

ModernToss · 14/09/2014 07:15

He sounds just awful. We'll just come along with you for 500 quid! It's not as if having other people is consequence-free, as others have said; you'll be that much more squashed, more constrained, and not able to relax as much. What a freeloader!

Sunna · 14/09/2014 07:15

In your place I'd say that I hate arguing with friends so it would be better to just forget the shared holiday, you'd just go as a 4, and then move on so as to avoid ill-feeling.

londonrach · 14/09/2014 07:25

Difficult one here. Child places are free but you only get the second one free due to the couple. I think it would be unfair a family of 4 paying the same as a couple of two. Id split the discount so both lots get money off. However if this is upsetting everyone just dont bother and each family/couple books own. Let us know op what you decide.

Eastpoint · 14/09/2014 07:26

Another reason for you not to go is that they do not have children. Do they understand that a holiday with small children involves going to dinner earlier, having breakfast earlier etc? They need to take their own cottage so they aren't disturbed by your children.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 14/09/2014 07:34

£500 per adult but to be honest if they are already quibbling about this, what will they be like on holiday? Will restaurant bills be split to the last penny? If so, I would personally consider just going on your own as a family.

soverylucky · 14/09/2014 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Explored · 14/09/2014 08:56

Am I the only person who wants to know where this holiday is? £2000 for 6 people, including breakfast and dinner, private terrace/garden and a pool shared with only a few others, in (presumably/maybe) the school holidays?

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 14/09/2014 09:14

Do not FOR THE LOVE OF GOD go away with these people. Wriggling out of this joint holiday will not destroy your friendship half as much as going on it will.

Say you've realised DC2 is so wriggly/noisy/bed-wetting that they can't possibly share a room with DC1 or everyone will be awake all night. Or something. I'm sure MN can come up with a vast number of creative excuses for you!

(also want to know where holiday is - UK?)

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 14/09/2014 09:26

Agree, Explored!
Thought I think meals are paid for separately.

flickyhairredlippy · 14/09/2014 09:38

They are the children's GODPARENTS

the children go free for goodness sake. what tightwads.

as someone who recently spent a really awful holiday sharing my accommodation with extended family, I think you should tell them that while they are still welcome to join, you will book as originally planned, and enjoy the accommodation as a family- here's the details of the place, hopefully you can book near us. smiley face.

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