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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

39 weeks pregnant, fed up, MIL asked my DH to drive her 5 hour round trip

79 replies

TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 18:58

I'm huge, fed up and struggling with difficult toddler. MIL has asked DH to drive 5 hour round trip to visit family of v v distant friend of the family who have just had a bereavement, I am pissed off, need the weekend with him around to recover and prepare for the next week. WIBU to tell him not to go?. Again very distant friend of family, who to my knowledge MIL hasn't seen in years and there is someone else who could easily take her if she feels like she needs to go.....

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 12/09/2014 18:59

Yanbu. That's too far away, what if you went into labour? Did your husband say no?

AramintaDeWinter · 12/09/2014 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILovePud · 12/09/2014 19:02

On the face of it I don't think YABU, 5hr round trip sounds a lot to ask and anyway at 39 weeks you are allowed to be unreasonable Grin. I'm wondering what does your DH think of the request? What's your relationship with your MIL generally like, have power struggles been an issue before? How old/infirm is his mum?

Original poster
TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 19:03

She is a tad demanding, he said 'let's see how it goes' (to her). I think he's better off saying no straight off so she can make other arrangements (she can drive herself btw)....

OP posts:
Original poster
TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 19:05

Sorry Pud only half answered your question, she's not elderly or infirm just doesn't want to go by herself it seems. It's a 5 hour drive not including how long they stay for.....

No real power struggles she is just a bit inconsiderate and doesn't think of others....

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 12/09/2014 19:06

Yanbu how annoying of her.

ZenNudist · 12/09/2014 19:09

Yanbu dh is gutless not to say no straight away. 39 weeks pg with toddler you need his help and could go into labour.

nachohousekeeper · 12/09/2014 19:12

I know it doesn't solve the problem of DH being direct but I might be inclined to get some "twinges"!

diddl · 12/09/2014 19:13

Thoughtless of her to ask, but he can say no!

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 19:16

YABU.

Andrewofgg · 12/09/2014 19:19

YANBU and he must say No and mean it. He is needed elsewhere. Good luck.

FlossyMoo would you care to expand on that laconic post?

clam · 12/09/2014 19:23

At 39 weeks, what you say goes!!

And anyway, surely you should be flat out, turtle-like, on the sofa, panting around now? Not running after a toddler and coping alone? Not saying there aren't some lone parents who have to manage. But you have a partner, so he should be there, pulling his weight and making life easier for you, not adding to your stress.

BigfootFiles · 12/09/2014 19:24

But if it's a 5 hour round trip then he's only 2.5 hours away at the furthest point?

Biscoff · 12/09/2014 19:25

You've definitely been having some twinges this eveningWink

ILovePud · 12/09/2014 19:26

Yeah she is being thoughtless and I agree that direct is best, good luck with your preparation and resting up (as far as that's possible with a toddler). Brew

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 19:27

I see no reason why I should explain my YABU to you And as you are not the OP but seen as it means so much to you.

I would imagine DH will be gone 7-8 hours. Very similar to a working day, which I would imagine the OP does not get the hump about him doing 5 days a week unless he is unemployed or works from home.

If OP goes in to labour there is a very high chance he will have plenty of time to make the 2 1/2 journey home before anything gets serious. That is of course unless the OP has fast labours.

I wonder if the problem isn't that he will be away all day but is because he is doing something for his mother.

BlackWings · 12/09/2014 19:27

Tell him fine but the toddler has to go too.

Original poster
TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 19:29

Bigfoot, true but first time round I had arrived at hospital and had the baby in less than 2. It's less about the potential to go into labour to be honest but more of another day on my own with toddler, if he goes it will be 7 hours minimum, pretty much all day. I am not a moany pregnant woman by any stretch, only started to feel it in the last 2 weeks and think MIL is taking the piss by asking, I certainly wouldn't!

OP posts:
diddl · 12/09/2014 19:29

He would only be two and a half hrs away.

but, Op wants him there to help.

There are others who could take MIL, so he should tell her to ask someone else.

StrawberryMojito · 12/09/2014 19:29

I think YABU. Don't think it's a big deal myself. Have you got someone else that could spend a few hours with you if you want company?

Original poster
TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 19:30

Flossy think I have answered the labour question! It's not the MIL issue, I wouldn't be to impressed if it was a friend/member of my family either (although I expect they wouldn't ask!)

OP posts:
lanbro · 12/09/2014 19:30

If my dh had been 2.5 hrs away he would have missed half my first birth and all of the second. YADNBU!

StrawberryMojito · 12/09/2014 19:31

Actually I've changed my mind now I realise you've got a toddler. For some reason I had thought it was your first and you could spend the day relaxing.

ithoughtofitfirst · 12/09/2014 19:32

I am not letting dh go to London for work three weeks before my edd.

Yanbu.

Sixgeese · 12/09/2014 19:34

I never got to 39 weeks pregnant, so would have been a bit cross if DH suggested going on a 5 hour trip anytime after 32 weeks, my labours were also quick, 4 hours, 2 1/2 and 2 hours, so being that far away would have meant he missed 2 of them. YADNBU.

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