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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

39 weeks pregnant, fed up, MIL asked my DH to drive her 5 hour round trip

79 replies

TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 18:58

I'm huge, fed up and struggling with difficult toddler. MIL has asked DH to drive 5 hour round trip to visit family of v v distant friend of the family who have just had a bereavement, I am pissed off, need the weekend with him around to recover and prepare for the next week. WIBU to tell him not to go?. Again very distant friend of family, who to my knowledge MIL hasn't seen in years and there is someone else who could easily take her if she feels like she needs to go.....

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 19:35

Twiggy Your post stating your potential 2 hour labour came after mine sorry didn't know I had to predict your next post. Confused

diddl · 12/09/2014 19:35

It's not just about the OP.
Perhaps her husband would like a weekend with his wife & child??

YouTheCat · 12/09/2014 19:35

Mil could drive herself.

OP had a fast first labour.

Flossy, the OP's dh should be supporting his wife at this time. Being at work is different as I'd expect he doesn't work a 2.5 hr commute away.

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 19:36

He may do. Many people do. Also people have jobs where they are un-contactable for periods of time.

BigfootFiles · 12/09/2014 19:37

YANBU in light of form for fast labours! I would have hated DC1 to see me in pain with DC2's oncoming labour and I don't think that would have created a good association for DC1 regarding their new sibling.

ILovePud · 12/09/2014 19:41

2.5 hours away is a long time in the context of labour. I know AIBU is often a bit of entertainment but it's not particularly helpful for the OP to just be told she's being unreasonable without offering your opinion as to why. If people are posting about issues that are serious and significant to them and you want to contribute I think you should them the courtesy of expanding a little.

Original poster
TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 19:41

DH works about an hour away. He is always contactable. Also I do see a difference between necessity, work for example and something that is completely unnecessary, this trip. I don't like saying no, in fact he has been on 2 abroad stag weekends in my last trimester as I don't think being pregnant is a reason to not do things but I do feel that this request at this late stage is a bit 'off' (but I'm hormonal so wanted to check I wasn't being completely unreasonable)

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 19:45

Being unreasonable or not depends on the person. I think you are many think your not. It is up to you and your DH whether he takes MIL. I don't see it has a big deal as you will probably be fine., you haven't mentioned any twinges or Braxton hicks so I view it no different to him being at work.

If it makes you happy/more relaxed to have him at home then say so and ask him to decline.

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 19:48

See you can't win can you. She asked was she been unreasonable O answered yes. She didn't ask for an explanation. I have stopped explaining my YABU/YANBU unless asked because if it is not what the OP wants to hear I get flamed.
I was asked for an explanation. The OP didn't like it and was then rude to me.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/09/2014 19:48

YANBU - email her a link to the National Rail website Grin

hamptoncourt · 12/09/2014 19:49

YABU to tell him not to go.

That is because he should be telling her himself he cannot go and how can she be ridiculous enough to suggest such a thing..."Er, Mum, have you forgotten Twiggy is about to give birth?"

I would be fucking livid with my DH if I had to tell him he couldn't do something like this when I was about to have his child.

Your post makes him sound like a drippy mummys boy.

Good luck with the baby :)

Original poster
TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 19:50

Flossy, where was I rude to you? Genuinely confused as to what I have said which could be construed as rude?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 12/09/2014 19:51

Even if the OP wasn't pregnant, her mil is being unreasonable to take up most of the OP's dh's weekend when he has a young family, especially considering she could drive herself there.

ShadowStar · 12/09/2014 19:52

YANBU.

2.5 hrs away is a lot if labour starts, particularly when your first labour was fast.

And I don't think comparisons with DH's who have a 2.5 hr commute are sensible. Turning up to work isn't optional, assuming you want to stay employed. Spending all day driving your mum about is, at least in this situation.

whycantifindaname · 12/09/2014 19:53

Either he doesn't go, or he goes and takes the toddler. 492 stops at the toilets and park on the way there and back will be enough to ensure MIL understands DH is a father with responsibilities on the weekend.

My MIL would never make a request like this whether I was pregnant or not. The weekend is family time when you have small children. For some littlies this is the only time they see Dad. if she wants to do something with DS she needs to invite your family to visit her.

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 19:54

Flossy think I have answered the labour question!

You hadn't posted anything about your labour until after mine where I mentioned quick labours. There was no need for the exclamation mark.

You don't like that I have said YABU and that's fine. I didn't expect you to. I was only answering your OP.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 12/09/2014 19:57

Yanbu

Your mil is

As is Flossymoo

Original poster
TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 19:59

Flossy, the exclamation mark referred to my extremely fast labour, nothing else. I have no objection to people voicing an opinion, the point of AIBU surely. I apologise if my use of an exclamation mark has made you think that I am rude.

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 19:59

I never asked that question Iam but I will happily except it without getting my knockers in a twist.

Munxx · 12/09/2014 20:00

Having been in your position myself, you are absolutely NBU.

Coping with a toddler when pg is really hard, I hope he stays.

And for the record I can't see where you've been abrasive to any other poster at all.

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 20:00

Yes it did twiggy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wink

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 20:01

Erm that should be knickers not knockers Blush My IPad is a perv.

HermioneWeasley · 12/09/2014 20:03

Fuck no.

His mother can fuck off, and he needs to grovel for forgiveness for not saying "no" straight away.

Munxx · 12/09/2014 20:04

It's the free U2 upgrade Flossy it's messed with the system I tell you.....

jumpx · 12/09/2014 20:05

YANBU.

Your DH should be on your side here. And when I say "on your side", I mean bowing at your every need.