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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

39 weeks pregnant, fed up, MIL asked my DH to drive her 5 hour round trip

79 replies

TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 18:58

I'm huge, fed up and struggling with difficult toddler. MIL has asked DH to drive 5 hour round trip to visit family of v v distant friend of the family who have just had a bereavement, I am pissed off, need the weekend with him around to recover and prepare for the next week. WIBU to tell him not to go?. Again very distant friend of family, who to my knowledge MIL hasn't seen in years and there is someone else who could easily take her if she feels like she needs to go.....

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 20:06

Maybe Mun but knockers in a twist sounds more painful than knickers Shock

cavkc · 12/09/2014 20:08

Flossy she's 39 weeks pregnant give her a break for gods sake!

The OP deserves a quiet weekend, preferably being pampered and not running around after a toddler.

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 20:12

Yes cav.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 12/09/2014 20:14

I did not have a fast first labour. In fact it was so bloody slow I ended up with a c-section for "failure to progress".

My inlaws live less than 2.5 hours away. I was worried about asking a friend to look after dd during my labour with ds in case it took days again. So our plan was to call in laws once we knew I was in labour, they beetle up the motorway and then even if we needed to call a friend they would only be there for an hour or so.

Did all this. Called when still slightly worried that it was just Braxton Hicks and I was going to look a bit silly! Inlaws had bags packed by the door so left within 5 minutes of call. Called a friend an hour or so later and headed off to hospital.

We later discovered that there had been a big accident on the motorway and by the time inlaws arrived I was pushing.

2.5 hours is too far unless you really have to do something.

RedToothBrush · 12/09/2014 20:14

I would imagine DH will be gone 7-8 hours. Very similar to a working day, which I would imagine the OP does not get the hump about him doing 5 days a week unless he is unemployed or works from home.

This makes no sense at all.

My DH works 8 odd hours. However if he had needed to get back to me when I was 38weeks pregnant he would have been home in 15. 30mins max. If he went on a 5hour round trip and something happened at the wrong time, then thats potentially 2 and a half hours away still. And any journey of that distance has the potential to be affected by traffic incidents.

I really don't why its an unreasonable thing to expect from your husband or partner to stay close by.

MammaTJ · 12/09/2014 20:17

It would be unreasonable of you lived here, even to Flossy's standards. We live over an hour away from the hospital, so worst case scenario-DH 2 1/2 hours away, go into labour, ring him, heads straight home, 2 1/2 hours later, he gets home, 1 hour later gets to hospital together.

That is 3 12 hours after labour starts!

drudgetrudy · 12/09/2014 20:18

Your mil is being completely unreasonable and selfish.
Given your circumstances she could catch a train, drive herself or get a lift from someone else.
You say she is not disabled an not very elderly-does she always make selfish demands like this-you would think she would be offering to take your toddler out for a few hours to let you have a rest.

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 20:19

Yes and that's your DH Red not the OP's. As it happens the OP's DH works an hour away so it is still a decent commute.

Look I have said YABU which is allowed. I have given an explanation which many don't agree with, fine. There is no need to berate me for it or attempt to change my mind. I am not trying to force anyone to change their mind I was answering the question asked. Just accept that I think SIBU.Move on.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 12/09/2014 20:20

The other thing is that this is probably the last weekend that the Op's family has as a family of 3. It is a special time that they should be making the most of. I still remember what we did the day before ds was born. (He was born on a Sunday.)

RedToothBrush · 12/09/2014 20:25

An hour is still significantly less than 2 and a half hours.

Or hadn't you worked that out? 60 mins rather than 150mins if that makes it easier.

Plus, you don't know where the hospital is in relation to the OP - potentially it could be closer, and the OP could meet her husband there if she absolutely needed to.

FlossyMoo · 12/09/2014 20:27

Put your claws away Red it is unbecoming.

CatHackney · 12/09/2014 20:34

YADNBU. In a way, I can't even believe you're asking the question. Your MIL is utterly unreasonable and your husband is inconsiderate in not just telling your mother "no" straight off the bat so that, as you say, she can find someone else.

Hope you've had enough reassurance from this thread. At 39 weeks, you should spend the weekend relaxing and your husband should be entertaining your toddler.

RandomMess · 12/09/2014 20:34

YANBU you need a break and he needs to be as local as possible in case you go into labour!

Original poster
TwiggyHeart · 12/09/2014 20:35

Mumoftwo, this had crossed my mind......I am going to tell him not to go. Thanks all for you thoughts it's much appreciated.

OP posts:
whatever5 · 12/09/2014 20:56

YANBU It's very inconsiderate of your MIL to think that her trip is more important than your need to rest when you are 39 weeks pregnant.

I'm surprised that anyone thinks that there would necessarily be plenty of time for a 2.5 hour drive considering that this won't be your first labour.

AmberLav · 12/09/2014 21:31

2nd baby, I'd have given birth by the time he'd gotten back! And that was after a 40 hour labour first time round. I wouldn't let him go!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/09/2014 23:01

OP - Did your DH tell MIL he won't be able to take her?

WinifredTheLostDenver · 12/09/2014 23:08

If DH was back within 2.5 hours then he wouldn't have stopped on the way to drop off MIL meaning she'd be with you at the hospital.

If that doesn't freak you out enough to say no, nothing will!

Bulbasaur · 13/09/2014 03:28

WinifredTheLostDenver MIL could be in the waiting room, that will never be the OP's problem. Only people that OP wants in the delivery and recovery room will be there.

That said, YANBU if you've already had a fast labor.

however · 13/09/2014 03:55

Compromise, he can take your toddler with him. You get to relax on your own. Bliss.

Sister77 · 13/09/2014 05:47

Latecomer here! Yanbu in my opinion because your 39 weeks pregnant and what you say goes!!
Flossy are you mil?! Get a train! Wink

susiedaisy · 13/09/2014 06:22

Yanbu

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/09/2014 06:47

He should say no. He really shouldn't need to be told tbh. Annoying.
Because someone else can take her. He should be upfront about it.

Its not that far away. But after managing all week i can see why you need him at home.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/09/2014 06:48

Poor toddler doesn't want to spend 5hours in the car.

LoxleyBarrett · 13/09/2014 06:55

Hell fire there are some bitches on here tonight!

MIL (who is not elderly or infirm and has access to other people) is being unreasonable and should be told so.

If my DH had been 2.5 hours away (probably longer in this case with time to say goodbyes, stop on route and potential hold-ups) he would have missed the birth of all three of our children.

Yes, sometimes it is inevitable as people work away (there was a chance my DH would have been uncountable) and family emergencies sometimes get in the way, but this is not the case here.

Good luck Twiggy, I hope you get this sorted and have a new born to snuggle very soon - i miss those days!