Very long and EPIC rant STARRING sil and 'd'p

[SlicedAndDiced]

Ok warning: If you have a short attention span or just really hate long threads look away now.

For those of you still with me here goes.

My lovely 'd'p was still up at 1am when I went for a glass of water. He had had a few too many beers and kept asking me to read his facebook messages. I said no thanks but then I got curious when I went back upstairs, maybe it was some juicy gossip? So I took a peek.

He had been talking to an old friend. But also next to this window were messages from his sister. A lovely long rant about how awful I am, how everything is my fault.

Given this is a woman I thought was lovely and had only spoken to about five times I was a bit pissed off to say the least. True, my ex is actually sil's dp's step brother but I thought we got on ok.

My dp had also in these messages tonight disclosed details about dv with my ex which has left me feeling vulnerable and super pissed off.

My temper has gotten me into trouble before (terrible potty mouth when very irate) so as I couldn't sleep I wrote out all of the things I wanted to say and then afterwards wrote a calm message to her.

This sounds anal I know, but it has really helped me work through stuff in the past. So I'm going to post the particular points of sil's messages which I took great umbridge at and what I WANTED to say.

Then I'm going to post the message I actually sent and you can tell me how unreasonable I was

Ok here goes.

SIL Sliced is so rude, was glued to the ipad the whole time we visited last.

Me Yes bitch that would be the day you turned up as I was on the phone and ipad desperately trying to sort out an overdraft that was costing us £5 a day and said to you 'So sorry sil, I just really have to get this sorted will be with you shortly.' And it wasn't hard to be on it the whole time you were there...a whole five fucking minutes.

SIL Used to love coming down your old house with ex girlfriend, had such a laugh, came down all the time.

Me Yes because dp's ex was so fucking wonderful and a much better gf wasn't she....oh wait. No, she is that evil bitch that shagged around and left him broken hearted. Didn't you tell me you used to hate visiting because she was so mean to dp, remember telling me that? My turn to be evil is it?

SIL One rule for me, one rule for Sliced sisters. That Sunday four days after Sliced's late loss (just under being classed as stillbirth) and near death experience I was going to visit. But our mum rang and told me not to bother.

Me Sliced's sisters aren't two faced bitches who act lovely but apparently secretly hate me. Dp told me you were visiting. I said ok! I came out of the shower and he said you weren't coming anymore because he thought I was too unwell. Good job you didn't come, I was on the phone to a&e five minutes later. I would have just been rude or ignoring you if I'd passed out from pain while you were there. I'm inconsiderate like that.

SIL I think you are just keeping the peace for an easy life but I will never fall out with you bro.

Me Hmm now where have I heard this before. Oh yes, you've said this about dp's ex too haven't you? So, what you mean is 'Don't worry it's all Sliced's fault, but I'll be there for you when she is gone.' Remind me, SIL, when his ex left and he was suicidal, where were you? Nowhere in sight, that's where.

SIL Bro you really have been brain washed. I have no issues with Sliced.

Me Really? Oh, no, I see no issues in this hours long diatribe you are frothing out.

SIL It's ok bro, I don't need to see your dd. She has Sliced's sisters, that's just the way SHE wants it.

Me Oh do fuck off love. Notice a theme in these messages. Blaming me for everything. For the record my sister's are damn good aunts, far far better than you. Does the truth hurt like a bitch love? By the way, who exactly has been telling you my sisters visiting times? It's not dp, it's not me. Would that be lovely mil sticking that big fat oar of hers in it again?

SIL Sliced has a car, you could visit.

Me Well apart from the fact I'm feeling no overwhelming urge to pop round for a coffee atm...you have two cars, and our house is on the way home from work.

SIL Oh bro I don't want to come round. Sliced will just ignore me.

Dp Ok sis, how about you and me go out alone, on my birthday, I will level with you.

Me Urm what the actual fuck. You can do whatever you want it's your birthday. But you are not filling me with confidence here dp. It's a bit like your hinting I am this evil genius crazy partner. You want to spend all night bitching about me while I cook your dinner and look after our toddler. Guess this isn't the lovely relationship I thought I was in.

Dp 'If Sliced ever does what my ex did to me, kill me'

SIL No, women are all scum who cheat, not worth killing yourself for.

Me Wow....really standing up for the sisterhood there ay sil. Counting yourself in that are you, or just me? You know what, maybe I should just leave.

Then you can all sit around and nod about how fucking right you were about me. Fucking evil I am. And it's win win. Because I wouldn't have to listen to any more sly digs from that bitch of a mil. I wouldn't have to listen to insults on my character and family anymore.

You know this is the first time this has ever happened to me. The more I learn about your family the more I fucking despise it. Bastards every one of you. I wouldn't piss on you to save your life.

Phew... ok that is what I would love to say.

However through my life I have learned that this is just what people like them would love. Proof that I am an unhinged nutter who hated them all first, instead of a normal woman just pushed too far.

So after venting it all out I took a deep breath. And this is what I actually wrote......

(You are not the only one who can do two faced sil, I'll show you two faced. I'm going to be so nice to you you'll vomit)

For some unknown reason dp has just asked me to read his messages. Not really that impressed because I was asleep but hey ho.

I'm quite sad that you seem to think I have any control over when you visit your own brother or not. All I was told that Sunday was that your were coming up to visit, which I was quite happy about, felt like I hadn't seen you in ages.

I jumped in the shower when we got back as I didn't want to look like a minger and when I got out dsd came upstairs. I asked her if you'd arrived yet and she said no you weren't coming. When I asked DP he said you weren't coming up as I wasn't very well. Which I wasn't but I said I really didn't mind, but he said it was too late.

And that was all I knew about it.

And I'm am very sorry that time you came around I was glued to the ipad. Our bank was in overdraft and charging £5 a day, I couldn't get on to the argos website to arrange payments for that and you just happened to come as I was furiously trying to sort it out. I apologise for being rude but was just trying to get it done as quickly as possible. I'm very sorry you didn't feel welcome.

And as for the being uncomfortable around you because of my ex.....really no idea where that came from. Once I said obviously your DP is his family so it would probably be uncomfortable for a bit. Everything else DP said isn't really anyone else's business and over years ago so yeah, not really happy at all tonight.

Felt I should clear up a few things though. I am always asking DP to invite you round, I keep saying we should go up to yours but the dogs always get mentioned like they are uncontrollable wolves or something.

And re: my own sisters visiting a lot that's usually because they just turn up whenever they like which I don't mind.

I love DP to death but trying to get him on the phone is like trying to call God.

You could just come up? Not a problem to me, it's an open door policy here. Also I'm quite happy to come up to yours with dd, I'd love her to see you more, I know what a fab aunt you are to dsd. That really sounded like I was kissing arse doesn't it?

Or if you'd rather I didn't come up I'm quite happy to just drop Dp and DD off at yours. I don't mind, I totally get it's easier to think I'm a maniacal brain washing genius than it is to come to terms with the fact your brother is really crap at organising family visits

I'm betting you probably went up to dp's old house more because Dp's ex was easier to get on the phone or something ha ha.

Ok that's better. managed to get all the names out that time ha.

The dangers of a copy and paste job from emails.

So, that's what I actually wrote. What do you think?

I'm thinking 'does your Dp ever back you up'?

Well to be honest you shouldn't have sent anything until you have slept on it. You need to have a chat with with your DP. But hey she sounds a lot of work, do you really want her in your life? she has handed you a golden opportunity in that you can cut her out if you want to. i would grasp it .

Well that's the thing. Before I read those messages I would have said absolutely 100% yes. But it just doesn't look like it does it?

I haven't mentioned the details about dv he not only told his sister, but also messaged his sisters partner because it's just too upsetting. I can't believe he's done it.

But the I also thought sil was nice and we got on ok. Ok, didn't see much of her but some people don't like family in their pocket every day do they. I thought that was all it was.

Didn't realise it was because I was the new wicked witch of the family. It seems like they always have to have at least one to bitch about.

It used to be dp's ex. I guess they are bored of that now.

The fact she cheated and left so horribly is unforgiveable, as is the nightmare she made contact with dsd. But.....I'm starting to wonder if she was as bad as they keep saying she was. I mean if I left they would be saying these awful things about me too, that just aren't true!

I can see why she would have enough of dealing with this family.

It's really opened my eyes.

Sorry, rambling. No sleep and still too wound up to get any. DD will be up in an hour or so to cheer me up though.

If people bitch a lot they generally do it about everyone. It does sound like there are 2 issues:
1 evil bitchy sil , could she have been a bit pissed so more caustic than usual?
2 big mouth partner. I think you need to have a chat about boundaries. He should have know that the DV was a sensitive issue.

it does sound like you have been let down by both of them... :(

I wish I could have slept on it tanukiton!

A few years ago it would have been an instant message back with what I wanted to say.

This is actually well thought out for me when I'm angry. Still immature I know I shouldn't have said anything. I'm just so so sick of it.

I just know it is partly down to mil. She always pointedly asks me if my sisters have been up, or if they've taken dd out.

She also the day I got out of hospital after losing our son 'So, it must be weird having a flat stomach now ay Sliced'

Also I've been losing weight recently. My mum commented on it while we were out. Mil sniffed and said it must be the top she's wearing, it must be slimming, where did you buy it from'

Or when dp complimented me she said it must have been my jeans. Were they new jeans?

I know it doesn't sound much but it's the way she says it. Constant sly little digs, usually when I'm most vulnerable or not expecting it.

I know, its a rant. And I'm no angel, but I'm not a horrible person. I've tried to let it all glide off me. But it does get to me.

And what am I supposed to say to dp? You know that family you love, well after careful consideration I think they are shits. Apart from your Dad weirdly enough, you hate him and I think he is the nicest one!

Yes I feel betrayed.

I mean, I didn't really think dp needed it spelling out that talking about something very horrible and personal for me was up for discussion with someone that's just spent an hour slagging me off.

I barely recognise my dp in those messages he was sending.

Before tonight I wouldn't have said sil was evil or bitchy.

She has always been so nice and welcoming when we visited. I was just saying to dp the other day it's been a while since we've seen them maybe we should invite them around or visit.

I think you were quite restrained really, although possibly you shouldn't have said anything directly to her, as now all her rants to your P will go "underground". And of course you'll cop it from him for actually reading his FB, even though he told you to.

Horrible situation for you though - really unpleasant to realise that your actions and situation are taken so out of context by someone with an agenda you knew nothing about :(

The whole family sound like hard work. Best to leave them to get on with it. Do you have to spend time with your mil or sil? If you do have to spend time wiht your mil and she asks you any dire ct questions, just look vague and then direct the conversation onto what your dd has done recently.

mil' sisters been round?'
you ' umm let me see ahh not recently but hey did you know that dd can blah blah blah'

Reading everything you've typed, I think she has a point. You seem like very hard work...

oi . I think the actual email was restrained too, but with any of these things. Sending them rarely helps

What do you mean, Flanges? How is the OP hard work?

Why Flange? I didn't get that at all.

my oi was directed at the sil flanges

I would never have read it thumbwitch but he made it sound like there was something juicy on there! He kept on about it even when I said no. Absolutely no idea what he was playing at, he knows I would have seen it? He is in the spare bedroom now.

Flangeshrub Yes I know I've come across as an unhinged mad harpy. All of it together has just made me snap. I lost my son five weeks ago, I haven't got the thick skin to shrug this off anymore atm.

And my 'what I wanted' to say post was no holds barred. It's how I feel and yes only from my perspective.

You've only got my word for it but I'm not hard work, really.

Well, I am tonight.

He sounds manipulative and she sounds awful.

I'd give anything to know what really happened with the ex... I bet her story is VERY different to theirs.

sorry for your loss. you really don't need any thing extra to deal with right now :(. I gotta sign out but hope you sort things out night night

That's a good idea Tanukiton, I will have to do that umm and arr thing next time. Usually I just shut up and wait for the floor to swallow me. I wish I could just cut them out.

But even though they aren't exactly my best friends they are nice to dd when they see her. I don't really want to cut her off from a whole other side of the family.

If they start saying catty things to her when she is older that will be a different matter!

oh Sliced - sorry for your loss, didn't realise it was so recent from your posts before. :(
Can't believe anyone would use that as an excuse to berate you, but I've read enough about narcs to know that they can take anything as a personal affront. Not that I'm armchair diagnosing your sil as a narc or anything...

Yes MrsTerryPratchett.

I swallowed it hook line and sinker.

It's unlikely this is the first time they've vilified someone for some imagined slights isn't it?

I feel so stupid.

I'm amazed you were as restrained as you were. I would like to think I'd have done the same as you. Take one for the team for the sake of peace this time, next time she is a cow you can tell her to do one knowing you have done all you can so far.